Village of Contentment

 TOPIC : Contentment

Have you ever been to some rural town in the middle of nowhere and observed how people there live their lives? Have you ever noticed how time seems to move proportionally slower the further you travel out of the city? Have you ever noticed people in these rural villages, hanging around seemingly doing nothing and wonder "Don't these people have anything to do? Isn't it a weekday?" 

A while ago, I spent  4 days sitting in a small town 2 hours drive out of Bangkok, and these are the questions I have been asking myself. 

It's always an eye opener for a city dweller like me, to go to rural places and observe how other people live life. It's not like I an unaware of them, or how they live. It's more that I am seeing it first hand how things are. While most times, we mentally note how rural life is, being there forces you to experience it in the flesh. And I must say, it makes a big impression on me. 

On of the things I always observe is this - rural foll are just as, if not more happy than people who live in the city. This despite the fact that you do not get Wifi coverage, 7 Eleven, Starbucks or shopping mall every few hundred meters like we do in the city. All the things that we think make life in the city such a great thing really don't count for much when you look at it closely. People in the village have simple road side huts instead of Starbucks.They ride motorbikes instead of fancy cars. They use payphones instead of iPhones. But they couldn't care less. It doesn't bother them the way it bothers us. 

They don't get swallowed into the pursuit of money, power, success or status the way we do. They seem so much more content in accepting their lot in life, doing the simple things they are in charge of - like working in the grocery store, or being the security guard or operating a simple road side hawker stall. The rest of us in the city often concern ourselves with the kind of house we live in, the car we drive, our career progression and most of all, we feel this need to be different from everybody else. We feel that we owe it to ourselves to make a difference in something, anything.

City folk live in state a of deficit. We feel the need to make up for loss ground, keep on par with others or simple excel in something before we pat ourselves in the back. We want to earn the merits, because we feel a person with no distinguishable merits is not worthy of praise. A person of value is a person with merits. 

The city is often the forefront of human civilization. New or old, all our knowledge of science, all our ideas of philosophy were born out of a city. We in the city are so focused on breaking new ground and exploring new frontiers that somewhere along the line, we have forgotten to be content with what we have right now.

To me, it's a simple lesson about contentment.

Something I think those of us living in the city would do well learning 

Christmas, or so it seemed

I was browsing through the library of music on my laptop. It's been ages since I last listened to music on my computer.

A particular folder caught my eye. I clicked on it and a list of 45 songs appear. I play them all. A strange combination of emotions surge through me as I listen to them. Mixed feeling of happiness and regret. Memories of things that were sweet and those that were painful, moments that felt like fireworks on a clear summer night - magical, moments that felt like a man running in front of a moving train - utter foolishness.

Looking at the folder again, I remembered something. I had changed the name of the folder to 'Christmas' even though it had absolutely nothing to do with Christmas. At the time, even looking at its original name pained me. I had done stupid things, and I was trying to run away from my own feelings. Silly me huh? 

The name of the folder? 

Crystal.

Thoughts on a Stranger

I thought we had something special. I thought we understood one another. I thought that it would just go on and on, the way it did in the past.

But it didn't.

It all stopped.

What happened?

Something must have happened for sure. But i don't know what.

Are you not well? Are you busy? Have you lost interest in this heart of mine? Are you deliberately keeping silent? Or are you not around anymore?

I try to imagine just what is it that is transpiring at your side of this life. But it is a blank image. I cannot imagine anything beyond the picture of you, and the streets of the city you live in. You said we were not really strangers anymore. I guess in some sense, that is true. A stranger is a person you know nothing about. And i know many things about you.

But all this silence has reminded me again, that in truth, knowing many things about you isn't the same as knowing YOU.

There is a massive void that stands between us. A void only two strangers would know.

So, what are we anyway, my dear not-so-stranger of a friend? What are we?

Atomic Breakups

Breakups are a lot like an atomic bomb in a way.

In an instant, the explosion of atomic bomb creates a massive crater, miles in diameter. In the blink of an eye, your world literally shatters into pieces. If you survive the explosion, you are still left in a state of disbelief because not too long ago, like was still as you knew it - intact. It is a devastating event

Doesn't heart break feel a lot like that?

But even then, the initial explosion isn't the most fearsome part of an atomic bomb. It is the invisible radioactive mess - that slowly and painfully kills off whatever that's left behind - that does the most damage. A blast may kill hundreds of thousands of people in an instant. But millions more die due to radioactive exposure over the next few years.

Breakups don't (usually) kill anyone, but the after effects last long after the incident don't they? After the pain of it tearing apart, your heart is then left with open wounds, taking days,weeks and months to heal. And it is those long, sustained sense of gloom and dread that eats away at your energies.

"Tell me how to move on... Tell me how to get rid of this pain... Why? Why does this have to happen to me? How can he do this to me? Is this my payback for all the past things I've done? "

I couldn't offer any answer. At least, not one she was ready to hear yet.

Most people offered this answer as ab attempt to comfort her - He doesn't deserve you. You are better off without him. But i can see, she doesnt want to hear any of those things. She still loved him. And given even an inch of hope, she would go on with him but i guess she knew it was game over. As much as she loved him, she couldn't be with a man that loved his pride more than his woman.

And i guess THAT was the big A Bomb she was trying to deal with.

Lately...

Dear friend,

I am fine. Thank you for asking. I am sorry for not writing for so long. Things have kind of swept me by, and I've never really had the time to have these monologues with you as much as I used to anymore.

Life has been good. I am a married man now. The ring around my finger no longer feels strange. It fact, it feels strange when its not there. Women don't seem to be as eager to talk to me anymore. I'm pretty sure its because of the ring. But that's okay. Because every evening I return home to a beautiful woman that never fails to make me laugh or smile. I tell everyone she's my secret girlfriend, but actually she's my wife.

From the emails I've been receiving, my father is doing alright in the Philippines. Life there moves at a turtle pace he said. He said he misses my brother and I, and that he loves us. Distance does funny things to relationships. It amplifies what's in your heart. When my father was around, he never said he loved us, or missed us. But now that he is away, and precious emails are all that bind us together, words of love and affection seem to flow much easily. In the same way, when there is disillusionment and frustration, distance amplifies that effect. I wrote an emotional reply to him. I told my father I loved him too. I told him how much I used to admire him as a child, and how I still do now, as an adult. Father day never seemed a big deal in the past. Now that he's away, it is.

My brother isn't doing so well. He's obese and starting to develop health complications. Doctor said he has a degenerative spine disk. Something he got from falling down a few years back I think. But his weight is so much that it is putting too much strain on his spine. Doctor told him to loose weight fast before something bad happens. I've always fear that something will happen to him. When we were kids, my parents told us to always stick with one another because one day when they are gone, we would only have each other. And since he's my only brother, if I loose him, I will have no one in the future.

My thoughts have been on a certain friend. She had just gone through some near death experience and survived after 2 surgeries. She sent me a happy email telling me she was recovering. I was relieved. I've never been good at dealing with issues of death. It moves me deeply every time I think about it. Though death will always be a part of life, it doesn't make it any less of a bitter pill to swallow. And I guess the most bitter part of it is saying goodbye. One of the first thoughts that went through when I learn about my friend was "What if I never get to say goodbye?" The pain of death isn't in the dying. It is in the separation. The unique thing about this particular friendship is this; I've never met this friend. We are what you would in days long past called 'pen pals'. We write to each other, sharing our thoughts, dreams, hopes and fears. But we are perfect strangers. And in some funny way, there is a certain beauty in that.

Anyway, I will stop here dear friend. I do now want to risk writing too much and making this too much of a bore. There are many more things I would love to share, but let us leave it for another day. Take care, and God bless you.

With warmest regards
Me

Questions

How do you mend a broken heart?
How do you start a new life, a second time?
How do you break free from the monotony
How to view life,from the brink of death?
How to keep hope, when you see no light?
How to care, but not hold too tightly?
How to love, but not possess?
How to trust, but not be taken a fool?
How to reminiscent, without longing?

These are some of the questions of our lives.

If only the answers came easier.

Bersih 3.0

So much has been said all over the news and social media about the Bersih 3.0 rally.

To be honest, I've had mixed feelings about it.

On one hand, I find it quite inspiring. That Malaysians are finally getting more vocal about public issues. All this struggles about freedom of speech, free and fair elections and transparency is a sure sign that the people of Malaysia are maturing as a democracy. The people are learning how to express themselves. And the government is learning how to listen. I say learning because by the look of how things turned out, I think both sides haven't got it quite right yet.

I think many of the marchers were quite sincere and single minded in their intentions. They just wanted to support a worthy cause for their country; clean and fair election. We all want to know our vote counts. It's the fundamental of democracy. Them wearing yellow shirts and making a march was their way of reminding the Government of that. Win or lose in the next elections should be by pure vote count. Not shady manipulation. A noble and just cause indeed, one the government would do well to take note of.

But frankly speaking, I've never quite warmed up to Bersih, be 2.0, 3.0 or whatever versions to come. In Bersih 2.0, I had my reasons, which still stand today. See here. But this time, there are also other sentiments.

For one, it is my impression that quite a few of these marchers are simply Government haters. I see some people who went to the march simply because they see it as a move against the government. These are people whom, as far as I know, do not follow politics actively, don’t take a genuine interest in national issues, nor take a critical look at government policy or decisions. They are simply people who heard a few opinions over coffee from other people, and for the lack of having their own opinion, decided to adopt the only one they heard. And since wearing yellow T-shirts, posting yellow profile pictures, and posting that you got tear gas-ed on Saturday in the name of freedom and democracy is all rage these days, that’s what they do.

Sometimes, when I try talking objectively to these friends, they turn around and accuse me of being blinded by pro-government propaganda. They say I'm simply regurgitating what the mainstream media is talking. They tell me the only reliable source of information these days is the alternative media. But how can is it fair of your so quickly adopt an opinion without first hearing both sides of the tail? It's naive to believe that only the mainstream media has its agenda. Everyone who writes an article has their own agenda or opinion. You should read as much of the mainstream as you do the alternative media. Being alternative media doesn’t make your opinions any 'truer' that it is being main stream. Your job as a concerned citizen is to keep a critical mind, analyze the facts and judge accordingly. You shouldn’t jump on the bandwagon and criticize away just because that’s what the prevailing popular opinion is. You have a right to have an opinion. But if you are going to have an opinion, you have to responsibility to make sure it is sound well developed.

Don’t get me wrong; a lot of them who went for this rally are people I know; people with good conscience, pure intentions and very sound judgment. I find it hard to doubt their sincerity or their motives even if I can't agree with their opinions.

But I do doubt the sincerity and motive of those who organize it.

The call for freedom, transparency and fairness is something that should resonate among all parties, regardless of Opposition or Government. If there is a movement for it, then it should be above and beyond politics. That is the claim of the Bersih organizers. Yet, the past 2 rallies have been fully hijacked (or manipulated) by members of the Opposition for their own political mileage. When the organizing chairperson is seen marching for free elections but stands alongside none other than the Opposition leader, you can’t blame people for having feelings of distrust. Not when that Opposition leader only ever advocated reform when he got booted out of the ruling party and no longer had a share of the pie. Not when his own party is filled with problems of unresolved cronyism and nepotism. That the Opposition has completely dominated the Bersih rallies brings into question either the sincerity or the competency of the organizers. It’s my personal opinion, but if you want me in a yellow shirt marching around Dataran Merdeka next time, make sure there are absolutely no politicians around (from either side), or make sure they are ALL there together, handcuffed to each other, jointly advocating free elections. If one gets arrested, so does the other. If one gets tear gas, so does the other. Only then is your cause above politics.

Speaking of tear gas, a lot of people are pissed off at the police, for alleged high handedness and brutality. They say the police attacked the crowd without provocation, launching tear gas into restaurants and train stations where innocent people were just trying to leave, even when none of the original offenders who broke the barriers to Dataran Merdeka were in sight. Fingers are still flying around on who’s to blame. But on this matter, I feel sorry for the police, not the crowd.

If you went as a Bersih supporter, knowing fully well that there will be 30,000 or more people gathering in one small area in a highly charged political event, you need to realize what kind of risk you are taking. As proven last week, it only takes a few bad apples to spoil the whole basket. And when that bad apple wears the same yellow shirt that you do, please do not expect the police to be able to tell you apart. It is the job of the police to maintain order. When a crowd gets rowdy, or breaks the law, it’s their job to disperse that crowd quick and fast, in whatever ways allowed to them by the law, be it with a poster of Justin Bieber or tear gas. Just take it on the chin and accept that this is the part of the risk you took when you donned that yellow shirt. Don’t cry foul just because you feel a bit roughed up. If you can’t do that, don’t go.

The police themselves donned their uniform and committed themselves to maintaining and upholding the order of the law. Yet, it is also the duty of the police to protect the public. You can imagine how delicate a position it is for the police, when it is the people that they serve to protect who are the ones who are posing the threat. Perhaps the police did a few blunders here and there. But so did the organizers, who failed to disperse the crowd quickly after the rally was over and allowed politicians to rile up the crowd and taint the whole event.

The rest of us are watching, even if we didn’t go for the rallies. We see the mistakes of the police and the paranoia of the government. But we also see the hidden agendas and the political motives of those on the other side. For those of us who prefer a position closer to the center, the silent majority that is, these things add up. We will remember the Opposition as much for their manipulation as much as we will the Government for patronizing the people too much. Perhaps you can’t see or hear us now, since we don’t wear coloured shirts, nor organize mega rallies. But you will, the day we line up at the polling stations.

In the meantime, to the Bersih organizers, please refrain from organizing your rallies around weekends of major box office releases okay… Trying to watch The Avengers last weekend was quite a nightmare.