Questions Women Ask

I was just thinking about this the other day. As a guy, you sometimes find yourself getting in a lot of trouble because of some carelessly answered questions. Seemingly innocent and harmless questions asked by your other half that at the time of answering, you had not idea would get you into such a mess. So for any man who has ever been, is or will be getting into a relationship with the fairer sex any time soon, here are a list of ‘DANGER QUESTIONS’ that women often ask which usually signifies the end of you (should you not answer them properly):

#1 Do I look fat in this dress?

For some reasons, many women ask this even when they’re skinny as a chopstick. They usually happen when you’re already late for some function somewhere and she’s trying on the fifth dress in a row. If you say Yes, you’re delayed for another 15 minutes for her to try on another one. And will forever remember that you think she loos fat. If you say No, she will say you’re lying… because she DOES think she looks fat in the dress (otherwise she wouldn’t be asking you in the first place)


SOLUTION : Say No.


Statistically, if you say ‘yes, there’s a 100% chance of being even later than you already are, and that she’ll be upset for the rest of the night because you just confirmed to her that she’s fat. Say No, and there’s at least a 50% chance she’ll agree and you can finally be on your way. Simple right?


#2 How come you don’t buy me flowers anymore?


Flowers are to women what i-Phones, cameras, computers, cars and machine guns are to men. They make our hearts melt. But this question isn’t really about flowers at all. In fact, it’s not even a question. It’s a WARNING. She’s telling you that you used to do a lot of romantic stuff for her, but she now realizes that you don’t anymore. In other words, you KPI (Key Performance Index) is down. You need to take action or risk a drop in your ratings (Yes, women have secret ‘boyfriend ratings’).


SOLUTION : Say you don’t buy flowers because next to her, the flowers look ugly. THEN, go buy flowers (as many as you can afford), Plan a candlelit dinner. Write her a song… etc…or any romantic thing you can think of.


You know the drill. Do something different for her. I know you think that phase of the relationship is supposed to be over now that you’re already together… but the unfortunate truth is – women want their romance and they will squeeze it out of you if they have to not stop wanting it. So whether it come to you naturally or not, some effort to be romantic will be required here and there.


#3 What do you think of Bali / Paris / Tokyo?


Again, this isn’t a question at all. It’s a thinly veiled expression of desire to go to that place. An alternative translation to this is “I want to go to Bali / Paris / Tokyo… and you’re going to take me there.”. Maybe not so forcefully, but that’s the intent. When she asks you about a certain holiday destination, it means that in her mind she’s already mentally preparing to be there with you. Whether or not YOU like the place is secondary.


SOLUTION : Save money. Book early.


Sorry…. There’s no way out of this one. You will eventually have to bring her there, whether it’s 5 months or 5 years from now. It all has something to do with their need for romance in their lives. And going on a romantic holiday just the two of you is one of those things. The only other way out is to convince her of an even more awesome place you could go together, like Chicken Hartz All-You-Can-Eat Chicken Buffet. But I doubt she’d say yes.



#4 What do you think of her?


This is usually about another female friend of yours. BE WARNED : THIS IS A LOADED QUESTION. It’s left open ended because she wants what’s at the top of your mind to surface. She’s trying to gauge your level of attraction to that woman. She’s trying to assess if that woman is of any threat to her position. Answer this question wrong, and you’re in big big trouble buster.


SOLUTION : Less is More. Be sincere but not overtly praising.


This is a minefield, so thread lightly and with tact. If you think she’s possibly the hottest woman to grace the earth since Megan Fox, just say she’s pretty. If you think she has a smile that melts a thousand hearts and a voice that makes the angles weep, just say she’s sweet. Any show of too much enthusiasm will spell trouble. Bruce Banner (from The Hulk) isn’t the only one with a green monster hidden in them ya'know. Don’t try to exaggerate on your friends bad qualities either – she’ll pick up that you’re just saying things to disarm her.


#5 IF you were not with me, would you be attracted to her?


Any man would know this is a trick question. ‘IF’ is an awfully big word here. This is probably the single most loaded question she can ask you ever (the other one is 'Have you fixed the toilet yet?'). She may try to convince you that the question is purely academic and hypothetical. But it’s not. It’s SUICIDAL. The intent is similar to #4 above.. probably because she wasn’t convince with your answer. She’s on to you my friend.


SOLUTION : Call on your Miranda rights; the rights to remain silent and to a fair trial. Also call upon the universal accept rights that you are innocent until proven guilty.


It is a well-accepted medical fact that women have a more sophisticated anatomy compared to men. This includes a lie detector somewhere in their brain. They can know if you’re lying. So before you get yourself in trouble with clumsy responses, don’t say anything. Think carefully not just on what to say, but also on how you say it. Because she’s not listening to your words at all..... she already knows your lying. She’s reading your emotions, because she wants to know how much. So before you get grilled, best to prepare and rehearse.

Having said that….


I do believe that honestly is the best policy most all of the time. The truth will get you much further in your relationship than any amount of lies added together. Remember, lies have speed but the truth has endurance. After they are done raising all hell and going on an eating spree and blaming it on you, they do eventually thank you and appreciate your honesty. If she does look fat, just say something gentle like “Maybe just a bit.. but you still look great..” If you haven’t been romantic, or haven’t brought her for a holiday, just say you’re sorry you didn’t think of it sooner and offer to bring her the next chance you get. If you do think your female friend is pretty hot and all and that you do have a small crush, well, she probably knew already. So just say (tactfully) that yes you find her attractive, but you’re more than happy with what you have. A hug and a kiss after that usually helps.

Cheers... and good luck!

What Women Want

“I get annoyed. She complains about this and that and how she’s so unhappy about everything. When I try to talk to her about the solution, she says I’m not listening to her!”

“Here’s what’s happening. You feel frustrated because you know you ARE listening. In fact, you’re listen so well and care so much, you even bother to think up of a solution for her. You’re throwing it in her face saying ‘Look, look, I can help! Here’s what I did for you!’. But that’s the problem. She doesn’t want a solution. Not yet anyway. She wants you to listen. That’s all. You’re not supposed to make it more than that.”

“Then why does she tell me her problems if she doesn’t want my solution?”

“Because she probably already KNOWs the solution. She doesn’t need you to teach her how to solve it. She just wants your EMPATHY. I know it’s totally weird. But that’s how women work. ”

“So what do I do then? “

“Here’s what you do. Keep quiet. Just listen. Light suggestions are allowed. But DO NOT OFFER / IMPOSE A SOLUTION UNLESS SHE ASKS. I know it’s hard.. but you have to allow her to make mistakes of her own. I know you think your job is to protect here and make sure she never stumbles and falls. But actually, it isn’t. Your job is to be there and help her pick herself up.”

“But even when she does ask my help / advise, I get annoyed because I tell her what I think, but she still goes on to do whatever she wants. Why ask for my advice if you have no intention of taking it?”

“Advice is a weird thing. We all know we shouldn’t give it. But we all want to give it. Advice by definition means some sort of suggestion only. No one’s obliged to take it. And yet we feel hurt when it’s not heeded. But give her due respect. Even if you know your way is better, even if you know what you say is correct, let her make her own choice. You cannot impose your will on people. The more you try, the more they resist you. Don’t say ‘I told you so’ if you’re proven right. Just support her emotionally. (That means more listening, not more solutions). It’s more important for her to look to you as a source of strength and support rather than a source of solutions.”

“I feel like I’m the one doing all the compromising. It’s not fair. It’s always me giving in; it’s always me saying sorry. Sometimes, I just wish she would be the one to give in instead of me all the time.”

“That’s a tough one. No one wants to feel taken advantage of. We all want to receive in kind what we give. As much as we say love is selfless and giving, our hearts have very real needs too. And the need to be loved in return is probably at the top of that list. Problem is, you can’t twist someone’s arm into loving you. You can’t make X number of sacrifices and demand X number in return. Stop keeping score. If you keep score, she will too. And both of you won’t agree on what the true score is (Just think of the England-Germany match!) Don’t think of payback. Focus on giving. Focus on loving her. If you do this consistently enough, she will know that you only have her interest at heart. And it is natural after that she will soften her stand over time, and have your interest at heart too. She will start to show you love in return, but in ways of her own. And you must be wise enough to pick up those signals when it happens. In the mean time, you have to be patient. In relationships, it always takes time for your efforts to bear fruit.”

“What do you do about the whining?”

“Just go along with it. She just wants to vent. We all need someone to vent to. Heck I’ve been listening to you whine for the past 2 hours. You don’t see me complaining.”

“But I need her to be on the same page as me. There are so many things in life I want to do and achieve. It’s hard to achieve those goals if we don’t see eye to eye.”

“Be careful what you’re trying to say. Are you saying that she’s holding you back? There can be no such thoughts in a relationship. If you do, you’re suggesting that there is something else that ranks higher than her in your list of priorities. If you start to think of her as an obstacle for you achieving your goal, you will start to harbour ill feelings towards her, and you would have killed the spirit of the relationship. You just told me the most important thing to you is family.. and as far as I’m concerned, she’s as good as family. What kind of goals are you trying to achieve? Have you ever stopped to consider this; the relationship in itself is a goal. A relationship is something you build, keep and maintain. It’s not something you acquire en route to achieving something else. Maybe for a goal oriented person like you this is kind of hard to accept, but that’s how you should be looking at your relationship. It’s something you invest it; you make sacrifices, you make time, you make compromises, you spend money, all with the intention of nurturing the relationship.”

“About achieving your goals in life… that’s never an easy topic. It’s hard enough trying to achieve our goals when we’re single. It’s infinitely harder when someone else comes into your life with a different set all together. It will perpetually be a work in progress. You need to first learn what she wants out of life. Then you have to learn what you want out of life. Then stop, let these things sink in and simmer. Support each other wherever your goals do not conflict and continue on nurturing the relationship. Then at some point, when your relationship is deeply rooted enough, the two of you need to slowly work out what ‘WE’ want out of life. ‘WE’ need to have some sort of common vision. It doesn’t have to be an exclusive list where some of your goals are vetoed out and some of my goals are forced in. Instead, it will look more like a Venn chart. You both have different sets of things you want in life, but there is an intersection of core items both of you want in life. And that will be what keeps you united without compromising the rest of your goals. Find common ground. It's the oldest trick in the book. But please don’t bring a pen and pencil and sit her down and start examining her goals in life. This is more an emotional exercise rather than intellectual one. It takes a lot of discerning, self examination and soul searching…. and it takes a lot of time."

"Matters of the heart always do.”

Eyes of the Beholder

Cause you’re beautiful my love
When I close my eyes
You’re beautiful my love
Under heaven’s skies

Collective Soul - Under Heaven's Sky

Think about when a woman looks her best, and we normally think of a woman that is nicely dolled up, full make up, stunning dress, matching accessories, perfectly manicured fingernails, gorgeous hairdo, killer shoes and a cute little handbag to top it all off. That's when a woman is supposed to radiate beauty right?

But it IS said that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

You know at what moment I find a woman to be her most beautiful? When she smiles. When she looks at you, you look at her back, and she smiles. That's when I find her so beautiful. I'm a real sucker for that. Take a deep look into my eyes and just smile and I'm done for. There's something about the notion of another person being able to find joy by looking into your eyes.. ....just melts me. And I find myself thinking 'this is such a wonderful, warm and ultimately beautiful person'. It's almost as if happiness makes a person beautiful. It's almost as if the only things you need to do to stay beautiful (and youthful) in just by living, loving, and laugh...

You know what time of the day I find women to be at her most beautiful? In the morning. Yes.. morning.. with her hair all messy and tangled up, no make up, no mascara, no expensive perfume... just the peaceful, calm and contented look on their face after a good nights sleep... untroubled by worries and problems of the day (though that usually returns the minute she starts looking at her watch)... But while the moment last, I think the look of peace and contentment is also beautiful. Problems trouble us, make us worry, and often bring out the ugly sides of us. When a person is not forced into a corner, when a person is untroubled.. they get the chance to lower their guard... and you see... from the look on their face.. the beauty that lies beneath.


You're beautiful my love.. under heaven's skies.

The Man In Love

I couldn’t help but shake my head. He wasn’t out disappearing on weekends having his fill of women and booze… he was just a man in love.

Something happened to him a few months back. He became non-contactable over the weekend, his work suffered, he couldn’t focus, and worst of all, he kept everything to himself. People had been asking for months and months why, but his lips were sealed. Many though he was more interested in womanizing over the weekends that committing himself to his work. Some thought it was a deliberate act of insubordination and basic I-don’t-give-a-shit attitude. Whatever it was, I started to see that his job was in danger.

I had asked a few times before, albeit in the presence of others, but he refused to say anything.

“Family? Friends? Lover? Money? What is it man? Come on, you gotta at least say something. How else can anyone help you?”

“It’s personal", he would reply. "I’m getting it sorted out. Once it’s all sorted out, everything can return to normal. But in the mean time, I can’t be around on weekends, and I can’t tell you why.”

And that was that.. no more questions.

But that night, something changed. We were having a long conversation. The boss was all over his back, and I was trying to help him settle it. I didn’t want to watch another colleague leave. He was perhaps one of the last people who were around when I first joined this company. Most of the others were new, and I was starting to feel rather alone in this company.

We were watching a replay of last night’s game. He being ethnic Indian and all, I jokingly asked when his parents were going to find a wife for him. That was when he spilled the beans.

“I’m already married.”…..

I almost threw up.

“WHAT? You’re joking right?”

He gave me a silent look.

“No shit! Serious?......... What, shotgun marriage? Did you eloped or something?”

“No, nothing like that…it’s hard to explain. I made a mistake OK. But I’m fixing it right now. I just need more time.”

Fixing things - I understood that. Men are perpetually trying to fix things. We pride ourselves with being able to fix everything ourselves.... except dinner of course.

“I met someone, and I fell in love. Just like you and your girl. Do you love her? Are you happy when you are with her? Do you always feel like you want to be with her?”

“Yes.. of course.”

“That’s how it is for me. I never believe all this crap about people falling in love before. I thought all those crushes was love. But when I met this girl, I was like ‘Shit… so THIS is love’…. When I’m with her.. I’m HAPPY. Can you understand that? I’m HAPPY. Every weekend, every free time I have, I want to spend with her. I don’t want to be anywhere else.”

I smiled. I had never seen this side of him before. It’s weird when you’re used to seeing someone in a certain way before suddenly discovering a how new side of them. He had this spark in his eyes and this smile on his face. I knew that look well……. It’s the kind of look people always had when talking about something they’re passionate about. And this man was passionate. This man was in love. But his love also came with many complications.

“Why haven’t you told anyone? Not even your parents and family?”

“It’s complicated….. Look, I haven’t been home since November. How am I supposed to just show up and tell them I’m in love and that I’m married?”

Traditional Indian families aren’t always receptive of inter racial marriages for one. His mom had been saving up money for his future dowry. No doubt they already had a candidate in mind. This girl wasn’t Hindu. Heck, she wasn’t even Singaporean or Malaysian, but Indonesian. She was Muslim, which was another problem. To properly marry a Muslim girl in Malaysia, one had to first convert to the religion. He didn’t really care, but he definitely did not want to convert his own religion. He said they were trying to get her religion officially converted to Christianity – the seemingly neutral ground.

To complicate matters, they had actually gotten married secretly. Or more accurately, HE had gotten married secretly. Society expects people to get married in an orderly fashion; court, date, engage, marry. And if you’re going to marry someone, marry someone decent.. not some girl you met in Batam under questionable circumstances. But that’s what he did. He took a boat ride to Indonesia one weekend thinking he was just there to have fun, but instead, met a girl that would change his life… and SOMEHOW… got married secretly. I guess it’s true when they say life is stranger than fiction. He pulled his wallet out and showed me a picture of her.

“Pretty… Congrats….”

“Thanks…. She simple minded, she can’t even speak English properly..…. But she makes me happy.”

I smiled again. That line seemed to have an effect on me. Unlike so many other people, at least this man knows when something priceless came his way. Happiness is something we all pursuit naturally. It’s easy to find things that make us happy. But it’s hard to find someone who makes us happy. In my heart, I was already all for him. I didn’t want to know if she was a village girl, store keeper or former prostitute… if this girl makes him happy, he should cling on to her with dear life….

I could not help but share my own stories with her. At the time, everyone told me I should stay far away from her. They labeled her a ‘problematic girl’. She had a philandering father who dumped his son in the streets, a mentally ill mother gone missing for years, an older brother who was a violent junkie, and a younger brother who grew up in an orphanage. Add it all up…. she could only spell bad news. I had a broken family of my own with a family equally as messed up…. People said it was a recipe for disaster….. But I was stubbornly in love… and gladly, so was she. I took my own wallet out and showed her the picture of my fiancée… beaming with pride.

“You aren’t the only one with good taste you know..” I said and he gave me a smack.

“Hey, you have anyone you can talk to about this problem? You’ll go crazy if you don’t talk about it.”

“No one. No one can know until I get this sorted out.”

If that were so, I was wondering why he was told me in the first place.

“You can’t keep this a secret forever you know. Sooner or later, you’re going to have to let it out in the open… and sometimes, a bit of advice from the outside is useful. The sooner you get this out, the sooner the two of you can start life together properly. ”

“I know. Let me just settle a few things before I let it out.”

I guess I’m a hopeless romantic in some ways. I like believing that true love conquers all…. I said to him:

“Look, not as your colleague but personally, let me say this. Ask yourself if she is worth all this hurdles you’re going to have to face this year – don’t kid yourself, this isn’t going to get fixed so quickly or easily….. you’re going to have to face up to a LOT of shit at home and at work once this gets out. But if you truly love her, and she truly loves you, you will and can go through this together. But you better be damn sure about this love, because if it’s not, your relationship & your entire world will come crumbling down when it matters most.”

He kept silent… I assumed he was giving some thought to what I said.

“People are thinking you’re out having your fun, deliberately ignoring work…. Why can’t you just tell people you’ve got a girlfriend now or something? At least they will know why you’re not around”

“No, if I tell them even a bit, they will start spinning a lot of stories..”

“They are ALREADY making stories right now without you saying a word. And unlike your girl, the stories going around aren’t pretty……. Get it sorted out okay. If there’s one thing I know, your work will always suffer if your personal life is in tatters.”

“I know. I’m experiencing it firsthand. No one knows ok. Only you and one other friend know. Keep this between us OK.”

“OK” If there’s one thing I know how to do… it’s keeping a secret. I had them too. But unlike his, mine are the kind people don’t even know exist.

I reached out and gave him a pat on the back. I didn’t know what else to do. Here he was, a grossly misunderstood man. I felt for him. He was suffering in silence. Everyone was talking behind his back, painting ugly pictures of a hedonistic life he was allegedly living… when the only wrong he has done was to fall in love and keep silent about it.

I looked at him as he sipped his beer. He dreaded what was to come… but I could see he was willing to face it anyway. He was just buying himself time. He looked so scared......yet so brave. I guess love does that to you.

Uncovering Audio Diamonds VI

More Free Music at MP3-Codes.com

***************************************

I hate the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I can't change
tried to tell you but you look at me like maybe I'm an angel underneath
innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
You must have been relieved to see the softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
all rolled into one


Chorus:
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your health, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way


So take me as I am
This may mean you'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that when I start to make you nervous
and I'm going to extremes
tomorrow I will change
and today won't mean a thing


Chorus


Just when you think you've got me figured out
the season's already changing
I think it's cool you do what you do
and don't try to save me


Chorus


I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
when you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numbed, I'm revived
can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way

This song is practically another one of those anthems for women, alongside songs like Respect and I Will Survive. Don't tell anyone, but this is one of those song I actually secretly enjoy but would never be caught dead singing along to. It's just kinda weird I guess singing it as a guy.

This song reminds me of quite a few women I know. Wait, let me correct that.. this song reminds me of ALL the women I know. And it also reminds me why men are perpetually confused when it comes to women. I've been trying for ages to figure them out. But sadly, I'm more lost in the woods now than ever before. I think there is no figuring them out. One day, they're this strong, tough level headed person, the other they are this fragile, vulnerable emotional wreck. Some days, they are absolutely sweet and lovely, eager to be pampered, and other days they turn into either the white witch from Narnia, or some fire breathing dragon spawned straight from hell. When you think you're threading on solid ground, you're really walking through a mine field. And when you think you're threading on egg shells, you find out later it was all unnecessary.

But the MOST baffling part of it all is actually this: Men know they wouldn't want it any other way. We are totally confused, totally baffled... but I guess that's half the reason we are so attract to women... they are so UNLIKE us... Women know this. In fact, they know it so well, this particular woman wrote it into this song. 

Talk about wicked.

It's hard not to hate you and love you at the same time woman.