Lending To Lionel

A lot of people have been telling me that I should make a police report.  After I found out that Lionel had basically cheated me of my money, I decided to do some digging. I somehow managed to strike up a friendship with the HR lady at his former company. From there, she gave me all his details; his full name, his NRIC number, his old home phone number and even address. I called the number, which as expected, was no longer in service. I have not gone to his house yet. I don't really expect him to still live there. A simple Google search later reveal that Lionel a.k.a. Chia Tiong Beng had been involved (or allegedly involved) in cheating crimes all his life. An article dated 1960 showed that he and another friend were acquitted of cheating a hawker of some money. This was when he was still in his teens.

Another article dated 1996 in Manilla showed that Lionel and his 'wife' were arrested by the Philippine anti corruption agency for cheating Singaporean businessmen out of hundreds of thousands of dollars.

I realized then that the man that I had met was no ordinary swindler. Everything he had told me about himself fit the bill of what I just found. In hindsight, he was a skilled liar. There were many things he said and did subtly that I now realize were meant to lure me into a false sense of security.

Having a thousand dollars taken away from you tends to have an effect on you. Like I said before, I felt dumb, because when you look at it properly, this man didn't set out to cheat me. I practically offered it to him. He merely took a chance at an opening that I guess would be considered 'god sent' to him. I'm not even sure any crime has been committed. I gave him the money at my own free will. He undoubtedly represented himself with false pretenses, but unless I am wrong, verbally lying to a stranger wasn't a criminal offense.

For many days, I considered how I would now respond with my new found information. Whenever I was in Singapore, I would think about nothing except how to get my money back from this man; what I would do to him if I ever saw him again. I remained angry and bitter. I wanted to hurt this man for cheating me out of my hard earned money, however small it may seem in the grand scheme of things. It still hurts every time I look at my bank account and remembered that it's 3 digits short of what I was supposed to have. It hurts even more when I have to tell my family that this or that thing cannot be done anymore since I was out of funds.

But the whole episode has awaken me somewhat.

The pain of the sting reminded me again how valuable money is, and the importance of being prudent and cautious with it. I decided that I will try my best not to let this affect the way I chose to be charitable to others. But I will certainly be much more cautious in the way I give it out. I decided that I mustn't let this make me less trusting of people, but I needed to be wiser in taking the necessary steps to protect myself.

But there was also something else. As valuable as money was, the episode also reminded me of how there were more important things in life than money. I remembered being told of how twenty three thousand people had committed suicide after the great Wall Street Crash of 1929. My church pastors said it was because these men had made money their world and their God. And when your world and your God is lost, even your own life seems not worth living.

I admit, for the better half of the year, my mind had been obsessing with money. As I moved deeper into adulthood, I moved deeper into financial commitments, and suddenly the lack of money became something I was aware of on a daily basis. I had a house to pay for, rent to keep, people to feed, car to maintain, parents to care for, and perhaps in a year or so, children to expect. It was just a matter of time before money took center stage.

The day I admitted defeat, I went home to my wife, embraced her and declared to her "I'm sorry. I feel so stupid.". She stroked my hair, touched my cheeks and told me "It's OK dear... it's only money."

And that was the point of realization for me. Yes it was money. But it was only money. In her eyes, we had lost nothing significant that we could never replace. I guess I needed a reminder of that. It was a humbling moment for me. I was grateful to her for not wagging her finger and saying to me "I told you so.." I was grateful that she wasn't make as big a deal about it as I was.

I remembered some incident many years ago where I had also lost some money and whined about it to a friend. He said this to me "It's okay. Treat it as a tuition fees you had to pay, for the lesson you have now learned." He called this the 'University of Society' where all lessons are through practicals.

I ask myself again what I'd do if I ever bumped into Lionel again. Could I truly do as the bible says and bless the one who curses you, or turn the other cheek? Is there enough grace in my heart to forgive and forget? Do you forgive a person who has neither repented nor asked for forgiveness? Will I try to exact some sort of revenge on him?

Here's the only answer I can muster for now.

I will break his nose. But he can keep the money.

A Fool I Am

Sigh…

Life seems so hard to live at times. I’m the kind of person who usually struggles with himself internally. I have 2 minds in one body. One desiring to do what is good, right and pure all the time. The other desiring to do what is devious, immoral and much less innocent (and seemingly more fun) things. The struggle usually involves trying to muster and rally the ‘light’ part of me so that it is not overtaken by the ‘dark’. Like a single ray of light surrounded by complete darkness, the darker parts of our minds seem to always be threatening to swallow up the light.

I often second guess my own thoughts and intentions. I question my own heart. I find myself always asking if I’m doing the ‘right’ thing in life.

Last week, I found myself driving all the way into the heart of town on a Friday night, braving the horrible traffic and pouring rain. There was a man, a complete stranger, who was waiting for me. He needed what I had in my pocket. An envelope filled with a sizable amount of cash. I had never met him. I had come to know him only a few hours earlier, on the phone. A Singaporean man, stranded in KL. He told me he had lost his wallet and phone while on holiday. He needed money to clear his hotel bill and to take a bus home. His Embassy would not help him and he didn’t know anyone else. He got our number off the internet, called my office, looking for a former colleague of mine. Somehow I ended up taking the call instead, and somehow, I ended up volunteering to help him out of his predicament.

Most of the people I told had raised eyebrows. Apparently to them, this was something totally out of my character. I was less than pleased with their reaction, but I went ahead anyway. I know I’ve never been one to actively participate in charity towards others, be it the poor, needy or sickly. I frown upon giving to street beggars, I coldly turn away people soliciting diner from me over lunch, and I refuse to sign up for any monthly contributions for cancer, world hunger or any sort of humanitarian funding. But this time, for once, I felt sure that this was the right thing to do. There was a man in need of help desperately, and I was in a position to help. And so I did.

When I met him, he was nervous and jittery. I guessed he had a long day. He told me about what happened, how he lost his wallet, how he was refused help, how no one came to his aide. I gave him the cash. He left his Singaporean phone number and address with me. We agreed to meet up the following week, when I was in town. He said he wanted to repay my kindness. I felt good. I felt like for once, I had done something good for someone. I felt like I had done the right thing. It was a risk, giving money to a stranger. A few people raised doubts. “Do you think he’s genuine? Do you think he will really pay you back?” I didn’t really know. I just chose to trust in the goodness and honesty of man.

Right now, it feels more like I’ve was confirming the naivety of fools.

When I was finally back in Singapore and ready to meet the man again, I dropped him a text. It didn’t go through. I tried calling, but the line was still deactivated. Strike one. I was guessing perhaps he still hadn’t got his mobile number reclaimed. I waited a full day, but still no sign of him. I had left my business card with him, but there was no news from him. So I decided to search for his company and called his office instead. But after a 5 minute conversation with reception and a 20 minute talk with the HR department, I discovered that the man didn’t work there anymore. He had left, 10 years ago. Strike two. Still I gave it the benefit of the doubt. The lady who spoke to me seemed to know him personally from back then. She praised me for my kindness, and even vouched for the man. Said he didn’t seem the kind that’d try to pull such a thing, especially in tiny old Singapore. So I gave it one more day.

But the silence bothered me.

And so last night, after dinner I made the drive from my apartment to the address he gave. It was right across town, somewhere in Hougang. I tried imagining all the different scenarios on how this might end up. Would I find him? What would I say? Should I still play nice? Do I make a scene? Do I still try to be graceful? But the scenario that greeted me was the one I feared the most, the one I was hoping to eliminate by driving there.

The address did not exist. The block existed. The floor existed, but not the unit number. Strike three.

I was out.

I was angry. I repeatedly cursed the man under my breath. How dare he take advantage of my kindness. How dare he store me in the face, shake my hand, thank me, then stab me right in the back and run off with my money. But I was angrier at myself. I felt the fool, for naively trusting; for stubbornly choosing to be wide eyed and innocent, even when others were blowing caution to the wind. What was I trying to do, feed my own ego by acting the part of the generous, graceful, good Samaritan?

The one time I decided to act gracefully and innocently became the one time I am reminded why there is very little place for such things in this fallen world. It would seem that in this world, to keep our innocence will mean being fools willing to suffer the indignities of the world. 

If being good is to be a fool, then perhaps, a fool I was meant to be.

Good night world.

To Lend or Not To Lend

To lend or not to lend? That is the question.

Sex And Money.

Perhaps our two biggest driving forces in life. Coincidentally also the two least openly discussed topics among people.

I’m not in a mood to talk about sex today, because the other one is more on my mind.

It’s on my mind because my need for it has grown exponentially over a very short time. It’s on my mind because I’ve been running short of it recently. It’s on my mind because others have been running short of it, and have been asking me for it.

I received distressing news last night about a couple we know quite well. Apparently they are short on money (due to some reasons I will not bother to write) and need very urgent assistance, preferable within the next 2 days.

“How? What do we do? Can we loan them the money?” my other half asked me just as I was about to fall asleep.

I kept silent. Truth be told, I didn’t know what to do.

So many thoughts ran through my head. I was exhausted and had a 4 hour drive to make 5am in the morning I refused to answer.

The next day, in the middle of my work day she text me.

“They want an answer desperately. Tell me what should I do or say?”

I thought hard about it again. I replied.

“Please explain that we are hard pressed too. We’re making a down payment on the house, we’ve got 4 mouths to feed, house expenses and bills, a business to run, many debts owed to us from others and ZERO savings… how much can we help?..... BUT… by God’s grace, we WILL help whatever way we can k. We’ll discuss how much we can give tonight.”

And that was that.

We’ve financially helped 4 to 5 other people within the last one year.

My own brother did not have enough money for a down payment on his car. His old car was falling apart and he needed to change. We lend him the money out of love. He hasn’t been able to repay us yet. Another friend of a friend apparently was next to being evicted by their landlord and needed cash quick. We trusted our friend and loaned the money. After many false promises, the money is nowhere in sight. Three other people owe us money for different reasons, but the point is, we haven’t received our money.

And here there came another person asking for help.

The couple that needed the money were easily twice our age. But they were not doing very well financially, to the point of almost being declared bankrupt. But they were good people. They were the Godparents of my other half’s younger brother. Ten years ago, when it was him that needed help, this couple was there to help. They gave him shelter, they gave him love. Today the tables have changed, and I felt it was only right to help them. How could we NOT help?

Yet, how do we help when even on our own, we are just getting by?

Rent to pay, bills to pay, car to maintain, a new house mortgage, and four jobless people I am single handed-ly supporting. As good as my pay is, it’s still not enough. And as icing to the cake, people are asking for our help with money.

What am I, a bank?

Sigh.

My first instincts are to say “Sorry, can’t help you.” It’d be SO easy to say that. And no one could ever blame us for saying it.

Yet….. yet…..

I know in my heart that I could never turn down a person who was genuinely in need. Because once upon a time, I was a person genuinely in need. And in those times, I was selflessly helped by other people. That debt weights heavily on me. Not just towards the people, but to God almighty himself. It’s hard to ignore grace when you’ve been such a big beneficiary of it. And because of that, even if it means being stupid, being foolish or being naïve, I know we will eventually help them.

Will we suffer? Will it hurt us financially by helping them? Probably.

Will we be duly repaid the money or the deed, I honestly don’t know. I hope so.

Doing this – lending money again – sounds noble and you may think I’m trying to earn ‘brownie points’ for being a good guy. Trust me, I’m not. In fact, I feel really really stupid for agreeing to it.

But I know it’s the RIGHT thing to do,

Because it’s the LOVING thing to do.

Matthew 25:45


Then he will answer them, saying, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.’.

What You Give

I stood in front of a showcase of women’s jewellery, staring with my mouth wide open.. both in awe and in shock. A beautiful diamond studded necklace, with a price tag equivalent to the price of a small car, or working man’s wages for a full year, and many times over a beggar’s collection for life.

An obscene amount of money to be paying for some shiny little stones to hang around your neck.

“Who buys these stuff anyway? Who could ever afford such things?” I asked myself rhetoricallly. I knew who.

The rich and ultra rich of course; the people we all love to hate, but secretly love to be.

The two people who were with me simply shook their head and walked away, with a look of disdain on their faces. But what were we expecting anyway? We were after all in Starhill, Bukit Bintang. Things didn’t get any more posh and expensive in KL than over here.

It’s not hard to understand why people sometimes harbour a dislike for the rich of society. Some would hate them simple because they aren’t one of them.

But for most of us, I think it has a lot to do with that necklace behind the showcase - sold at the price of a small fortune. The thought that there are people who not only afford, but actually do pay that kind of money for a shiny piece of ornament, while the majority of the population struggle with bread and butter issues, it’s just outrageous.

Nothing wrong with being rich. But I do wonder whether the people who buy these things with spare cash ever thought of spending that spare cash on charity instead. It could mean someone's education, it could mean someone's next meal. It could mean someones life or death. That same amount of money can change a person’s life.

I know this because that amount of money changed MY life. Someone who had that money made it a point to spend it on me, when money was the crucial determinant of how the rest of my life would unfold. Instead of keeping it for other things, they chose to bless me with it. They stood to gain nothing out of it, yet they did it anyway. With it, I got myself an education, a job and a life. I could afford paying my mother’s medical bills, I could afford no longer living on others sympathy. With it, my life changed course.

It’s so easy to hate the person who will ultimately buy that necklace. It’s easy to imagine that they are selfish, careless people blowing a fortune on superfluous things, conveniently ignoring the sufferings of the world. We want them pulled down to the ground, to taste the bitter earth and harsh soils the rest of us live in. We want to teach this rich brats a lesson or two about what it really means to have a tough life. That way we’d believe justice has been done and we’d sleep better at night.We want them to know that the amount of money they have has the power to change lives, but they are abusing that power on superfluous things.

But what if it’s not true? What if the person buying that necklace turns out to be someone really nice? what if what someone gives as much as he/she gets? Would you still resent them buying an expensive necklace even after having done more than their share of civic duties to society? Will you resent a billionaire who gives away billions?

It’s hard to hate a giver isn’t it?

Maybe what we really hate isn’t just rich people at all. Maybe its not so simple. Maybe what we hate are people that aren’t givers. People who have received so much in life yet fail to give back any. Rich people become easy targets because having a lot implies precisely that; that you have received plenty but given back little. But again, this is not an attack on people with money.

Forbes magazine tells you that the two richest man in the world, Warren Buffet and Bill Gates are also one of the greatest philanthropist in the world, having given away billions. But for me, there is someone else – a simple man named Rick Warren. Rick was the pastor who wrote the best seller book ‘A Purpose Driven Life’ that Christians the world over have read. The book sales made him an instant millionaire. What did he do with all that money? He gave it way.

ALL OF IT.

He even paid his church back all the salary he’d been drawing since the beginning.

If average joe’s like you and me received 10 million dollars out of the blue one day, how much will YOU give out?

It’s easy for billionaires like Bill Gates to give out billions because he already has more than he can ever need. Everything else after that is just about numbers. But for average people like you and me, how hard it is to give out money we so desperately need ourselves. In my heart, I believe Rick Warren gave more than Bill Gates and Warren Buffet, simply because it meant so much more to him than them. I wrote about this some time back, read it and you’ll see what I mean.

http://ifimbeinghonest.blogspot.com/2010/07/widows-offering.html


In the mean time, here’s the amazing talk and testimony Rick Warren gave. Do listen to it. It’s powerful, and inspiring. If only you listen.

If you're a rich man, and you're reading this. Think carefully about the next fifty thousand dollars you're about to blow at a casino or at the designer boutique. You have the power to either waste it away, or change someones life. Think about that for a moment.

And if you can't think of anyone in particular who needs it.... well, you can always give it to me. ;-)

Have a good weekend everyone.