The Greatest Difference

I met my boss’s former boss some time ago. I call him ‘Si Kong’ a.k.a grandmaster. In his days, this retired old man was the President of the company he worked for, reporting directly to the board of directors. He was a powerful man. He knew the family that owns the business personally. He sat on the highest floor, in the biggest office, on expensive leather chairs & mahogany tables; he played golf with clients, hosted fancy dinners for corporate big wigs, sign corporate contracts and earned more money in a month than many of us do in a year. If you were the type that was looking to climb the corporate ladder, this was who you want to be. This was the pinnacle of the climb.

I looked at this man and thought to myself “I want to be him. I know I have what it takes to be him.”

But how? How to I become him? How do people like him get to where they got to? Do people who get there even ask that question or they just know instinctively? I’ve met people who work hard and smart all their lives but only get so far? How do you become the freaking president of the company? How do you come to that kind of level of success in life?

I was still halfway through figuring that out until something happened recently that forced me to rethink this desire to be like this man. It reminded to be careful for what you wish for, and not to be chasing the wrong sort of things in life. What happened?

I met his son.

His name was Alex. His father sent him to us, all the way from France to work in our company. From all appearances, Alex looked just fine. But I knew he was pretty messed up. He never finished his education, bummed around, never stuck to a job for long, drank like a fish, smoked like a chimney, started taking drugs and got in trouble with the law. Out of desperation to help turn his son’s life around, his father call on all the favours he could to, and here he was, thousands of miles away from home ready to start a new job and hopefully a new life.

“It was a desperate cry for attention. His father was a workaholic, just like me. He spent all his time doing his job, and didn’t spend enough time with his children. That’s why it happened.” my boss related to me solemnly.

It seems for all the wealth the father brought home, no amount of money could repair the damage done by his absence.

“So that’s how you climb to the top. You sacrifice everything else, even your family…..” I thought to myself.

I had no misgivings about Alex. From talking to him, I could feel his eagerness to turn a new leaf. In fact, I was quite eager to see him make something out of this. Everyone deserves a second chance. But society is so harsh sometimes; the further your fall from grace, the less people are willing to give you a second chance even though it is at those moments that you need it the most. I’m glad he got his.

My thoughts were not so much on Alex. He had messed up. But that was the past. He about my age and still had plenty time to make something out of his life. My thoughts were on his father. By society’s standards, he was a success story. He had made it to the top. But at what cost? He had spent months and years away from home resulting in a divorce, and now it seems he had unwittingly sacrificed his role as a father too. I’d stop short of putting all the blame on him for messing up his son’s life, but it certainly was a very big factor.

It gave me a jolt. Do I still really want to be like him? I want to be successful in eyes of society too, but not at such a cost. Can I have a successful professional life AND a fulfilling personal life? Is that asking for too much? Or are the two mutually exclusive? People say strike a balance. But how do you prevent that from becoming a half baked effort on both ends? How do you know you won’t just screw up both?

In thinking about what we all want out of life, this is what I came to; we all want our lives to make a difference in this world. That difference can be to mankind, to your country, to your society, or even to your company. But if you ask me, the one that’s most tangible is the one you make in the lives of your family, your loved ones and your friends. Maybe that doesn’t sound like the biggest difference you could possibly make, but it certain is the most meaningful one; a difference that didn’t change the world in a shallow way, but the lives of a few individuals in a very real and deep way. Can you think of a greater difference than that?

So back to what the question; do I still want to be like him? If it has to be like that........then I guess it has to be a NO. Why? Because one day, dear old Si Kong will have eventually kicked the bucket. His name might stand high in the annals of the corporate world, but at his funeral, the one mourning the deepest will not be suppliers, clients or business associates; It will be his family, and of course, Alex – the one he was not there for.

Knowing this, where do you think Si Kong would have chosen to make a difference given a second chance?

I've been living in a strange place....

I've been living in a strange place of late.

Where I live,

there is no sight.

There is no smell.

There is only sound.

and soul.

To get there to where I live;

close your eyes,

quiet your mind,

and listen.

Hear the piano gently playing;

hear the guitar smoothly leading in;

hear the sultry voice sing every line, every word.

Sit yourself right next to that voice.

Imagine you are right there.

For a few minutes,

forget your worries,

forget your troubles;

just listen.

Don't think... don't worry.

Just feel.

Feel the passion,

feel the heartbreak,

feel the euphoria,

feel the pain.

Feel the music,

feel it's soul.

Like how every human has a heart,

every song has it's soul.

This is where I have been living.

This is where I have been seeking my solace.

Not in people,

not in things,

In music.

I. H.A.T.E. M.O.N.E.Y.

I'm serious. I'm so starting to hate money. It's starting to disgust me. I hate the way it affects us. Hate the way it changes us. Hate the way it controls us. Hate that there's no escape.

I used to be able to be happy despite not having any money.

When I was a kid, my mother would take me to eat lunch at KFC every beginning of the month. It was a special treat that was strictly between my mother and I in the afternoons when my brother was off in school and my father at work. We'd share a 2 piece plate and I would get to have the jelly ice cream. It was humble little meal, but it was always the most special lunch of the month for me.

We could never afford buying a lot of toys. Most of our toys consist of plastic soldiers, a few race cars and soft toys, and lots and lots of imagination. But once a year..... on my birthday, my father would allow me to pick whatever I wanted for a toy. And every single year, I would want the same thing - My favourite toy in the world, LEGO. Once a year, I would get a lego set. Even then, I was only allowed to pick the small boxes, never the big complete sets. But I was happy none the less. Better that than nothing at all.

Then I grew up and started earning my own money. And along with this new found ability to earn, came the ability to spend. In fact, them more we earned, the better we seem to get at spending. The better we become at spending, the more money we seem to need. We used to be able to live with using a cheap RM20 bag. That then became a RM200 bag. And for some people who have the means, a RM2000 LV bag is almost a must. And if you had both your LV bag and cheap RM20 bag, would you choose your cheap old bag over it? And once you've tasted it, you will not choose water over wine. Proton cars, Bata shoes and Casio watches are 'cheap' stuff no one really takes pride in owning. Eating KFC used to be a real treat. Now it's just something tasty and convenient. Today, dining in a fine restaurant is a treat, but tomorrow, it may just be a normal meal (if I ever earn that much money la). 'Cari makan' we call it. But the more we live, the more we earn, the more we acquire the taste for the finer (and then ultra fine) things in life. Where does it stop?

As children, many of us dreamed of becoming either a teacher, fireman, painter, composer, musician, artist or something of that sort. You know, dreams that had absolutely nothing to do with money, but everything to do with passion. But somewhere along the line, many of us forsake those dreams, coaxed by our elders or by ourselves. We choose lines of work that are 'safe' or 'proven' and mostly, work that promises some kind of financial stability. I'm not saying it like it's such a bad thing. Dreams should always be tempered with a touch of reality. The importance of sound judgment can never be underestimated. But sometimes I think we've taken it a bit too far. The job you have, and how successful you are is more often than not tied to how much money you earn. And so we look for jobs that we think will bring in good money. Aiming to become anything short of a surgeon, businessman, entrepreneur, pilot or corporate figure is frowned upon. And if your ambition is to become a painter, artist, musician, composer or any of those sort, you're either naive or just plain mental. Some even take on 2 jobs at one time, just to 'earn enough'. The pressure to be successful - to not only bring in the dough, but bring it in abundance - is especially true for men. Say what you want about modern living, but it is still a man's primary role to be the provider for his family. Women have the option to quit their jobs. Men don't.

We all realize the kind of grip money has on us. And we have gotten trapped in the mentality that the only way out of this chase for money is by winning. Winning by acquiring more money that we will spend, whether it's through sheer hard work, or brilliant investments. If you quit, if you refuse to chase the money, society calls you 'average' or worse 'unsuccessful'. The pressure to acquire wealth as much as you can, as soon as you can is very much present especially in country & society like ours. I know because I see it and feel it every damn day I step into office.

But some people have smacked me in the head and told me I shouldn't hate money. They poignantly remind me that money in the right hands could be used positively. To hate money as a whole would also mean hating the genuine difference it can make to peoples live. A point I cannot disregard. I guess when I say I hate money, it's really is more out of frustration than anything else. Some days, the pressure of needing to fork out more and more cash just to survive and get things done can be quite overbearing. I'm certainly not going to call it quits and live in the jungle, and I most certainly am NOT about to give all my money to you (just in case you were going to ask).

It's not that I don't want money. I'm just disillusioned by it that's all. I hate the fact that I can't escape from wanting and needing it too. And this vicious cycle of needing more and more seems never ending. Life seemed much simpler and happiness seemed much more attainable when once upon a time, we knew how to gain more with less.

It's either that or I really am just allergic to money.

Geddit?


P/S: Before you decide to give away all your earthly possessions and start life anew in the jungle, please take everything I say with a pinch of salt alright. I don't pretend to be clear headed (or even sane) at the time of writing. I might think of something else tomorrow and write all about how money is the most important thing in the world. Who knows....

When Only Your Telco Talks to You...

I allowed my mind drift away as I drove along the highway. I used to enjoy these times spent alone in the car driving from place to place. It was my little alone time. But I don't enjoy them half as much as I used to anymore. I always knew I enjoyed solitude, but not THIS much.

I had now gotten into the habit of compulsively checking my phone if there were any missed calls or messages. I always knew there were none, nor did I really expect there to be any anytime soon. It kind of made me feel stupid all over again. But one can always hope.

Suddenly, the phone beeps.... "New Message (1) " the screen reads. Who is it? Who could it be? What do they want? Maybe it's someone asking me out for a drink? Is it my boss asking me to come to work? I get filled with excitement. Someone's looking for me! I stare at it a while before opening the message.

It read:
"DiGi : Enjoy 20% discount with every purchase of RM100 and above at...... "

DAMN..... I'm receiving more messages from my telco than actual people.

I chuck the phone aside and continue driving, feeling disappointed.

"You're such an idiot Johnny boy, you know that? Such an idiot." I say to myself over the radio. I knew I was lonely... but jeeeez, this was taking it to a whole different level. I started laughing out loud to myself. A kind of half annoyed half silly kind of laugh. Not that it was funny or anything.... just pathetic.

Quick-fix-mood-boosters

A lot of people have a lot of different things to say about finding happiness. And while profound happiness is certainly something we all want ultimately, I don't think any of us want to be waking up in the morning trying to decipher the meaning of life and the secret to happiness all the time. Sometimes, we may just want some sort of emotional band-it or plaster to keep everything together while we're try making sense of life. Something just to help boost your moods and help you get through the day, know what I mean? If you're looking for something like that, let me share a few of mine own 'quick-fix-mood-boosters'. Hope you find it useful:

#1 Exercise
Yes, I know I hardly look qualified enough to be dishing this advise out. But just take my word for it OK. Skipping all the medical mumbo jumbo about endorphins etc, even a short jog or workout in your room helps make you feel better. Here's why:You get to pat yourself on the back for your effort. You get to imagine you're some hot shot athlete like Usain Bolt (Just imagine it OK, don't actually say it to anyone). But most significantly, you get to become hot and sweaty, which for some of us is the closest we'll ever get to actually being 'hot'. But seriously, sweating it out is a great way of releasing all that pent up frustration and energy. If you won't exercise for fitness, try thinking of it as exercising for happiness.

#2 Sing along to music
Some people seem to burst into song all the time. But for the rest of us normal human beings who have neither a decent vocal range nor any sense of pitching, singing out loud is one of those things we avoid. But thank God sound proof doors were invented. With it's invention, many of us tone deaf folk are now able to partake in the joys of singing out loud without making others shriek in horror. So, sing your heart away in your car or room. It helps lift your moods or just help you let out what you feel inside. We don't always have someone around us to cheer us up or listen to us vent. That's why songs were invented in the first place. They are made to be sung as much as they are made to be listened.

#3 Watch comedy
If you're struggling to find a way out of the blues, find something that tickles your funny bone. It could be anything from watching episodes of your favourite sitcoms, romantic comedies, reading knock knock jokes or teaching your parrot how to say 'penis'. The logic is simple. You laugh when you are happy. And you become happy when you laugh. Think about that for a minute. It works both ways.

#4 Coffee / Caffeine
This doesn't work for everyone. Some people drink coffee without no effects whatsoever. But for people like me, the experience of taking caffeine is basically like this. I admit there is a slump in moods right after the caffeine wears out, but when it kicks does kick in, the term 'legally addictive stimulant' takes on a whole new meaning. Obviously for health reasons, a lot of people have warned against taking too much coffee/caffeine. But hey, I did say these are short term 'quick-fix-mood-boosters'. Plus, I don't think anyone has ever been sent to rehab for 'caffeine addiction' right?

So ya, there you have it. Four little things that helps on days where the end couldn't come soon enough

Cheers everyone.

Just the little things in life......

People often think of grand achievements or significant milestones when talking about moments that are special in their life. Surely, defining moments of your life deserved to be called special. But what about the little things in life? What about the finer points of daily living? Don’t you think there are many less obvious things that come our way in smaller and subtler ways that are special too? Moments that warm your heart, or make you say to yourself “Hey, I feel so alive!” or simply… moments that make life just a bit more fun. Here are some of mine, in no particular order or sequence:

1. Watching the sun set
2. The sound of raindrops
3. The fresh breeze of the ocean
4. The cool air of the mountains
5. Fresh baked bread / cookies / pastries
6. Warm hugs
7. Sharing a laugh
8. Getting a wink
9. The aroma of fresh brewed coffee
10. Home cooked food
11. Staying up late
12. Sticking your head out of a moving car
13. A hearty breakfast
14. Lazing in bed in the mornings
15. Hitting the snooze button
16. Shouting from the top of a hill
17. Playing truant (shhhh…)
18. Listening to good music
19. A good game of sports
20. Sharing a secret
21. Reading a good book
22. The sight of children playing
23. Holding hands
24. Picnics
25. A friendly pat on back
26. Chocolate ice cream
27. Knowing people care
28. Being able to act silly
29. Receiving praise for a good deed
30. Getting things done
31. Hearing the sound of birds chirping
32. Spotting a rainbow
33. Having a beautiful girl / handsome guy pay attention to you
34. Snuggling
35. Having a stimulating conversation
36. Receiving love letters (or emails)
37. Getting a surprise present
38. Making someone happy
39. Good company
40. The list goes on and on...


Nothing too heavy. Just the little things in life......

Everyone's list is different. What’s yours?

Love a.k.a Mad Cow Disease

I can’t remember if I have ever written this down anywhere before. But if I have not, then here it is.

We were trying to keep warm by sitting next to the heater in the kitchen, eating yogurt.It was still considered summer. But when you’ve lived all your life in a hot and humid tropical country, 15 degrees Celsius on a cloudy and windy afternoon is still very much considered ‘cold’ no matter what the local English folks said.

“It’s scary” he said to me.

“OF COURSE it’s scary. It’s your freaking HEART you’re putting on the line here.” I replied.

“What if she doesn’t like me back? What if she isn’t really interested in me at all?” he asked.

I knew what it was. It was fear. Fear of being hurt. The more you gave your heart to someone, to more vulnerable you were to them, and the more they could hurt you.  A person’s capacity to hurt you will always be proportionate to the capacity in which you love them. To give people a chance to love you also means giving them a chance to hurt you. I guess it was another one of those things in life that always came in pairs of opposites. I think it’s for this reason that a lot of people stone their hearts and prevent themselves from falling in love, or if they do, not to fall too deeply. It’s a lesson in love we all eventually learn some day.

“That’s the way it is. Loving someone feels like you are literally ripping your heart out from your chest with your bare hands. You hold it gently and preciously with both hands. You gingerly offer it out in the open to the other person; it feels so fragile, so exposed. And the scariest part of it all is, you don’t know how the person whom you’re giving your heart to is going to treat it. Are they going to receive it with as much love and care as how you gave it? Will they trample all over it? Or will they just take it and unceremoniously chuck it aside? Will they truly know the preciousness of what they just received from you? Not only do you not know the answer to that, there’s nothing you can do even if you did. They will do as they will what you give.” …..

He kept silent for a while then laughed. “Hahaha…. I don’t think I’m going to forget how you just described it….”

I laughed back. I don’t think I could ever forget it too. It was actually the first time the two of us were talking about the subject of love in our then four year friendship.

“But I don’t think there’s any other way. If you want to love someone, and if you want to be loved, then this is the only way. You have to put your heart out there. How else will they ever get a chance to seize it if you don’t? No pain, no gain. No risk, no glory.”

"Hmmmmm... Yeah... I guess so..." came the reply.

"Don't worry too much la. At least she's responding. Which is ALWAYS a good sign. Go get'em!!" I gave him an encouraging pat on the  back....

After that, the conversation drifted off to other things.......There's only so much of these sort of deep, heart to heart stuff two dudes can share in one sitting.

It is in our most basic instinct to want to protect ourselves from getting hurt. We wear shoes, we live under covered roofs, we invent seat belts, we stay away from dark alleys, we carry pepper sprays, we learn martial arts. In everything we do, there is always an underlining will to survive. And you survive by not getting yourself hurt. Yet, we still choose to love. We take a chance on love anyway, despite knowing risk of hurt, pain and even rejection. It goes against our instincts of protecting ourselves. If you look at it very carefully, love closely follows the pattern of madness. Even love itself makes no sense. It’s some abstract, intangible thingy that supposedly makes the earth go round. It floats in your heart and meddles with your brain. It often makes you do things that have no real benefit (and sometimes even harm) to yourself beyond feeling good. It makes everyone else (who isn’t infected with love) call you such a dumb ass for sacrificing so much of yourself. And all you can say to them is "You don't get it."... Of course they don't get it. Because it’s crazy that’s what it is. So why do we do it? Why do we prescribe to this madness?

Honestly? I don’t know. Maybe it’s the human version of the mad cow disease. It would explain why people in love can be stubborn as a cow when it came to their determination to love.

The only other thing I can think of, is that perhaps, deep deep down at some level of our existence, we believe that for all the madness it brings, for all the pain it carries with it, we believe in love. It will always be worth it. How can it not be? It was with love that each and every one of us were created. The love of God Himself, the love of our parents, the love of our friends and our family, the love we have for our fellow human being; these are all the reasons we are alive today. If love was the reason we first existed, then it surely has to be the reason we continue to exist. Love is the cornerstone of our existence.

That HAS to be it. It HAS to. Because if it's just mad cow disease... then we're all so so seriously screwed my dear.....