The Important Stuff?

If I asked you to name what the truly important things in life are, what would you say?

Would you say family? Friends? Work? God? Money? What would it be? What do you think you need in order for your life to be well lived?

Some people know exactly what they want to be happy. Other people can't really be bothered. But people like me – I constantly find myself asking this question. People tell me not to think so much, but I find this to be a question we all eventually have to answer at some point. The answer to this seems to define who we are, how we think and the kind of choices we make in life.

Every decision we make in life in some way ties back to what we consider important to us.

3 people I know recently quit their jobs. They wanted to find a different kind of job; something that was less taxing; something that enabled them to be physically with their family more often, even if it meant taking a pay cut. Career and money wasn’t quite important to them as being physically present at home.

I found this act unthinkable. I felt it was a mistake. Because despite living in the 21st century, I still felt that a man’s primary role in the family was to protect and to provide. And since a man’s primary means of providing was his job, to actually commit career suicide and take on a dead end job was unacceptable to me. I love my family. But I felt the way to take care of them was to at least do well in providing.

But there was something there for me to think about. I wonder for a moment if perhaps they have got it right and I’ve got it wrong.

In one of our conversations, my fiancée said to me that money didn’t matter to her. As long as we were together and we had enough, she’s happy. And I felt immensely comforted by that. But it also just made me want to provide even better for such a wonderful person. Surely, she deserved it.

A few days back, I was sitting in the backseat of a car travelling through the rural areas of Thailand. The land seemed so detached from the rest of the world. No big commercial signboards asking you to buy this or buy that, no people with fancy cars and cloths walking around….. nothing around to suggest to you that perhaps your life would be happier if you had that something more (that you can buy for just $99.99 at your nearby department store). There were a bunch of kids running around bare footed and on bikes. I leaned forward in my seat to take a good look at them playing ‘kejar kejar’ (or catch). And against the orange sunset and green paddy fields, I couldn’t imagine anyone being any happier or contented than them. Just a week earlier sitting in a café in Singapore, I felt like I just needed to get that latest Blackberry phone before I could feel happy.

I leaned back at my seat and asked myself “What is this all for? If I make it good in life and give everyone everything they can want, will I have the kind of happiness these simple kids have? Is having more really going to give me more happiness?”

And even though my own answer to this question was “No, money doesn’t make you happy”, here I was chasing the dollar just like everyone else. Here I was busting my butt, working hard, travelling extensively, sacrificing weeknights and weekends, minding my career, all in the name of gaining more.

I asked myself if I ever could just let it all go and do what those three men did – get a dead end job and spend more time with your family. I few conversations with people about these things and I half joked that one day I would just quit and be a teacher. Some actually encouraged me to do so whereas the most of them said it wouldn’t be a surprise considering ‘its you’ (whatever that’s supposed to mean).

But my answer to myself was still no. Not because I don’t want to…… but because I dare not.

If I wasn’t providing for my family, I wouldn’t know what I would be doing. My identity has now tied back to my job more than I’d like it to.

Back at the hotel, I booted my computer and tried to write again (for the tenth time) what I thought really mattered in life. After a few paragraphs, I realized I was just regurgitating the same old stuff I had already said before. So I stopped.

I asked myself at which points in my life do I feel the most contented and happy. For some people it’s when they have achieved some sort of goal in life. But honestly, I have never harboured any sort of ‘things I must achieve’ in life. Believe it or not, I actually do not know where my life is leading, or where I want to end up. But I realized over the past year or so that my happiest and most memorable moments were always when particular relationships were blossoming or going well. And the most painful ones were almost always at the breakdown or deterioration of it. Healing only came to me when relationships were restored.

I guess relationships are one of the most important things to me.

Perhaps this is true for everyone else too…. but I wonder if this is more so for me than others.

Then I wondered again.. then why haven't I quit my job?