When You Were Gone

So, how did it feel when in the time I was gone?

Well.. to be frank, the front part was actually quite exciting. I mean.. it’s been a long time since I had only myself to care about, and suddenly I’m have all this freedom to do whatever, wherever, whenever and with whoever. For a good few week I was up and about doing everything, meeting everyone.

Then… the loneliness started to set in. After I had run out of things I wanted to do, I found myself feeling a bit lost. There was no one to go home to. There are only so many times you dared bug your friends in a week. And I started to realize how… well…. Lonely… it felt being all by yourself. I thought back to the last time I was single.. over 8 years ago; how did I manage being so busy, happy and fulfilled all by myself?

I realized that if I was going to survive the next year, I had to re-learn how to be by myself again. I started doing the things I used to enjoy doing when I was by myself – I picked up the guitar a lot more, I started writing more, meeting up with friends, reading. And in a way it helped. It helped me remember how I was like before…

And then?

And after a good few months of doing it.. I guess eventually got into the groove of surviving on my own again. I hardly stayed home, I was always out with people.. and whenever I was free, I headed to Starbucks instead of home….. I guess I knew being at home would just make me feel more depressed. While I missed you terribly, I had to find a way to get by without you without feeling totally miserable.

I longed and missed the constant companionship, the laughs, the emotional intimacy, the comfort of having someone physically there beside you… but I also started to enjoy the freedom, the flexibility, and the care free nature of being just by myself.

So in other words, you got on just fine without me?

Well.. I don’t mean it in THAT way. I managed to cope, yes. But being alone also made me more aware than ever about what how it is like being with someone. I was always aware of the fact that I was alone… and while I did learn the joys of singlehood all over again, I also was sorely missing the joys of being a couple .... and after knowing both, I actually knew with greater certainly, which one I wanted for myself…

And which one is that??

Singlehood of course!

WHAT?

……… Just kidding dear. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me.