It's All Your Fault?

One of the things I hate hearing the most when getting involved in an arguement is this

"You make me sound so stupid"... or "You made me angry." or "It's your fault I'm feeling this way..."

My blood boils everytime I hear it. If I was upset before, hearing those kind of works just makes it worse. I'd usually retort with a "I didn't make you sound anyway.."I didn't make you angry"... You got that way yourself... because "I don't control how you feel!"

It annoys me because it implies that I am responsible for that persons feelings. Not that I don't care about the other persons feelings, I do. If I am responsible for your feelings, then you aren't then I am held liable to whatever unpleasant outcome you feelings will now lead to.

Basically, whatever you do now that you are upset, is all my fault.

Which is rubbish if you ask me.

Everyone is ultimately responsible for their own feelings. As cliche and overused as that sounds, its true. The things we do and say will always affect the people around us. The closer you are, the more pronounced that effect is. A harsh word from someone close to you will always hurt more than if spoken by a stranger. We acknoweledge that we are affected by the things others do and say. And that's where the line gets blurred and all this "You made me..." line start coming out.

There's a different betwee saying "I feel stupid" and "You made me feel stupid." I resent the second because more than adding just causality, it tells me that the person is unable (or more likely) unwilling to take ownership of their own feelings.

I have never used that line ever in an arguement. Maybe thats rather arrogant of me to say, but it's true. While I do have feelings just like everyone else. I do know how it feels to feel hurt or angry after hearing harsh, uncalled, or cruel words. But I have never forgotten the fact that I am the master of my own heart. More than just being responsible of it's condition, I am the captain and steward of my own emotions. If I am headed to rocky waters.. painful as it is, I still need to steer it to safety.

So the next time time you find yourself about to utter those kinds of words, try to hold your tongue for a moment. Because if you don't, I'll start to get upset again, and it will be all your fault.

:P