Lately...

Dear friend,

I am fine. Thank you for asking. I am sorry for not writing for so long. Things have kind of swept me by, and I've never really had the time to have these monologues with you as much as I used to anymore.

Life has been good. I am a married man now. The ring around my finger no longer feels strange. It fact, it feels strange when its not there. Women don't seem to be as eager to talk to me anymore. I'm pretty sure its because of the ring. But that's okay. Because every evening I return home to a beautiful woman that never fails to make me laugh or smile. I tell everyone she's my secret girlfriend, but actually she's my wife.

From the emails I've been receiving, my father is doing alright in the Philippines. Life there moves at a turtle pace he said. He said he misses my brother and I, and that he loves us. Distance does funny things to relationships. It amplifies what's in your heart. When my father was around, he never said he loved us, or missed us. But now that he is away, and precious emails are all that bind us together, words of love and affection seem to flow much easily. In the same way, when there is disillusionment and frustration, distance amplifies that effect. I wrote an emotional reply to him. I told my father I loved him too. I told him how much I used to admire him as a child, and how I still do now, as an adult. Father day never seemed a big deal in the past. Now that he's away, it is.

My brother isn't doing so well. He's obese and starting to develop health complications. Doctor said he has a degenerative spine disk. Something he got from falling down a few years back I think. But his weight is so much that it is putting too much strain on his spine. Doctor told him to loose weight fast before something bad happens. I've always fear that something will happen to him. When we were kids, my parents told us to always stick with one another because one day when they are gone, we would only have each other. And since he's my only brother, if I loose him, I will have no one in the future.

My thoughts have been on a certain friend. She had just gone through some near death experience and survived after 2 surgeries. She sent me a happy email telling me she was recovering. I was relieved. I've never been good at dealing with issues of death. It moves me deeply every time I think about it. Though death will always be a part of life, it doesn't make it any less of a bitter pill to swallow. And I guess the most bitter part of it is saying goodbye. One of the first thoughts that went through when I learn about my friend was "What if I never get to say goodbye?" The pain of death isn't in the dying. It is in the separation. The unique thing about this particular friendship is this; I've never met this friend. We are what you would in days long past called 'pen pals'. We write to each other, sharing our thoughts, dreams, hopes and fears. But we are perfect strangers. And in some funny way, there is a certain beauty in that.

Anyway, I will stop here dear friend. I do now want to risk writing too much and making this too much of a bore. There are many more things I would love to share, but let us leave it for another day. Take care, and God bless you.

With warmest regards
Me