Choicelessness

I came across a quote the other day.

“We do not choose to be born.
We do not choose our parents.
We do not choose our historical epoch, the country of our birth, or the immediate circumstances of our upbringing.
We do not, most of us, choose to die; nor do we choose the time and conditions of our death.
But within this realm of choicelessness, we do choose how we live. “

- Joseph Epstein

Beautiful isn’t it? Capturing in just a few well written lines the essence of living life on this earth.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately… about how many of us choose to live our lives. Many of us are all driven by the same wants and needs; enough money, happy family, good friends, rewarding career, fulfilling relationships. Not always in that order.. but more or less the same things. But somehow, the choices we make in trying to reach those goals differ so greatly.

One friend decided to study her PhD overseas to escape the country, and another just can’t wait to be home from abroad. One decided she needed two jobs to make ends meet, and another stopped working altogether. One close friend quit or turned down every single job she ever had if it came in the way of her commitment to church, and one guy once asked me why he should bother about God when God seems to not give a damn about him. One person I knew married a man everyone felt she was too good for, and another friend of mine refused to date a guy after finding discovering his less than average dick size (WTF right?). One friend has changed so many boyfriends that I stopped counting, and another is going into her thirties and has never even dated anyone.

I’m getting to that age where I’ve known the people closest to me for at least 5 years. And the more I get to know them, the more I see that we’re all struggling, in one way or another. There is no one I know who has had their life figured out. We’re all told that we’re supposed to have some sort of ‘life plan’ or career path to follow. But from what I see, we’re all basically just taking it one step at a time as life unfolds itself.

I look at my own life from here on and ask myself “Where is all this leading me anyway? Are my plans going to come true? How will it all unfold? Where will I end up? And I find that just like the rest of my peers…. I don’t know the answer.

Many times, the plans we make for ourselves don’t translate into reality. And when things don’t go according to plan, we call it a setback. But over time, that setback somehow turns into a detour. Then more time passes, and that detour becomes a ‘temporary break’, and by the end of it all it becomes some sort of ‘blessing in disguise’. So how are we supposed to chart our life out, when we already know it will take a course of its own?

I try peering into the foreseeable future, and a many things stir in my heart.

Thoughts of my only brother as well as my father leaving the country – I would have no more family left here. Thoughts of my friends, many of whom look likely to relocate overseas or far away – I’d be losing my friends. A sadness fills me…… of losing the people you love.

Thoughts of family, young children yet to be born, and old folks standing by to fall ill – I’d have more burdens to bare, more ends to meet, new roles to fulfil. Will I be able to do it? A deep fear fills me… of not being able to provide.

Some people say you should not concern yourself with things beyond your reach, but instead to focus on things that are within your control. Do what you can with what you have and choose the things that are on the table. That even in the choicelessness of life.. you will still get to choose… and in some sense, we are in control of our lives.

But is it really control, when all we’re really doing is selecting from a range of options that life has already pre-determined for us?

Good night world. I choose to sleep now... eventhough I didn't choose for it to be night. 

Cheers

P/S: On hindsight, I should have just stopped typing after the beautiful quote. Everything else after that just sounds like pure crap written in a real fancy way. But I went through all the trouble typing it.. so what the heck, I'll post it anyway.