When Rainbows Still Enchant You

For the life of me, I still can't figure it out.

But there is something about you that just completely melts me. I know you get that from many men, and its nothing unusual for you. But it's unusual for me. Because I don't get that way with many women. In fact, just you.

It's like I'm permanently enchanted by you... even as I know you had cast no such spells on me.

I still feel so silly.. silly like a 12 year old still trying to deal with his first crush five years on. Silly like a 12 year old who still gets butterflies in his stomach just thinking about the girl. Silly like a 26 year old admitting he feels like a 12 year old.

You've always made me feel silly that way. But I wouldn't say it was or is a bad thing. Only that it is so.

How are things? How are you? What's going on? How's your new love? I don't even know. It's not even my place to know anymore. I tell myself that sometimess, in order for new things to flow in, others must bow out...and stay out... even if that others means me.

After all this time, I fully expected this fondness I have for you to have died down. It's the only way I can really believe that I wasn't weak, that I know how to move on, that I don't live in the past.

Yet, here I am, silently stalking you online like some creepy weirdo, still feeling deep down somewhere the remnants of that short but burning passion that we experienced together once upon a time.

There are only two ways I can explain it to myself. Either it is me; who has somehow developed a dysfunction or obsession with you that even watching you sing a simple song on youtube makes me feel like a silly boy too shy to admit his admiration, only daring to observe from afar...Or its you; you and your uniqueness, rawness, courage, weakness, strength and zest for life. Maybe that is the thing that has gotten me so transfixed. Like the light of a firefly hovering over a calm river at night... my eyes fall so naturally on you.. with such wonder and fondness...because your spark, like that of a firefly, is gentle and small, yet bright enough to make a dark river become magical dance of light.

The happier I see you, the happier I am too. I'd say live well... but I think you need no advice on that.


My warmest wishes and constant prayers for you dear friend.