The difference between a friend and former friend is sometimes, just a call..
The difference between a lover and an enemy is sometimes, just an apology.
The difference between intimacy and alienation is sometimes, just a hug.
The difference between sincerity and pretentiousness is sometimes, just a heart.
Life isn't that complicated sometimes. It is us who complicates things.
In the long run, simple actions....simple words....and simple hearts......are what make the most profound differences in peoples lives.
Its not simple, living this life
Its hard and its harsh, its full of strife.
But in all that you do, God is there.
Look around you, love is everywhere.
So stay simple ans stay true
The only person you have to be - is you.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
Time to Read
I've been getting into the habit of buying a lot of reading material lately... which is a good thing if you think about it.
I was at the bookstore.. when I just couldn't resist buying a copy of National Geographic Magazine.. which is kinda like the Big Daddy of all general interest magazines with picture so awesome and beautiful nobody bothers to read the words....
I also couldn't resist picking up a copy of Readers Digest... which is kinda like the Big Daddy of all........ (wait a minute. I said that already)... which is like... a really good magazine la basically....
Then, I couldn't resist buying a copy of Personal Money (which sells out very quickly) because it's kinda like million dollar advice for the price of $9.90 per copy...
and I ALSO couln't resist buying a copy of Digital Camera magazine... which I buy just to easy my guilt for having not spend any time whatsoever on my 'so called' hobby of taking pictures. It seems I spend more time reading about photography than actually doing anything about it. Which wouldn't be too bad...if I actually did any reading at all.
The problem I've been having is that I've been BUYING reading material... as opposed to actually reading it.
In addition to all the awesome but unread magazine above, sitting on my shelf are half a dozen highly recommended, critically acclaimed novels and books all unfinished or unstarted. Then there's another half a dozen books about relationship and marriage that half a dozen people thought would be a good thing to get me for my wedding. I'm sure their pretty good... at least that's what the back cover says.
So it's a Friday evening as I write this. its 6pm..... and very frankly, I just want to go home and read one of my many unfinished books. But I can't because numerouus appointments await me, tasks need finishing, and work is just unending.
Sigh...
Time's is always balancing game. Too much of it and it drives you crazy.. too little of it, and it becomes a luxury.
Have a great weekend..
I was at the bookstore.. when I just couldn't resist buying a copy of National Geographic Magazine.. which is kinda like the Big Daddy of all general interest magazines with picture so awesome and beautiful nobody bothers to read the words....
I also couldn't resist picking up a copy of Readers Digest... which is kinda like the Big Daddy of all........ (wait a minute. I said that already)... which is like... a really good magazine la basically....
Then, I couldn't resist buying a copy of Personal Money (which sells out very quickly) because it's kinda like million dollar advice for the price of $9.90 per copy...
and I ALSO couln't resist buying a copy of Digital Camera magazine... which I buy just to easy my guilt for having not spend any time whatsoever on my 'so called' hobby of taking pictures. It seems I spend more time reading about photography than actually doing anything about it. Which wouldn't be too bad...if I actually did any reading at all.
The problem I've been having is that I've been BUYING reading material... as opposed to actually reading it.
In addition to all the awesome but unread magazine above, sitting on my shelf are half a dozen highly recommended, critically acclaimed novels and books all unfinished or unstarted. Then there's another half a dozen books about relationship and marriage that half a dozen people thought would be a good thing to get me for my wedding. I'm sure their pretty good... at least that's what the back cover says.
So it's a Friday evening as I write this. its 6pm..... and very frankly, I just want to go home and read one of my many unfinished books. But I can't because numerouus appointments await me, tasks need finishing, and work is just unending.
Sigh...
Time's is always balancing game. Too much of it and it drives you crazy.. too little of it, and it becomes a luxury.
Have a great weekend..
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Bread and Lily
Gosh, how fast the year has gone by! It feels just like not too long ago that I was crashing at a friends place celebrating the new year. And now, it's almost the end of January!
I was just reading through my last years post on Chinese New Year and trying to figure out what I want to say this year. I haven't really figure anything out, so I'm really typing on the fly here.
Chinese New Year is a lot about family, which I really like. I'm big on family. I think family is DEE most important and essential thing a person can have in his / her life. It is the backbone on which we all rely on for support in going through life. But that's a strange thing to say coming from me, because I'm the same guy who will tell you that I hate my relatives. OK, I don't really HATE them, but I keep an extremely healthy distance from them. Not that there is anything wrong with them.... I just find keeping up with relatives to be a messy.
I came from a broken family..... and the idea of what a family should be like qucikly evaporated the day I saw my father holding another woman in his arms and insisting that I call her mother.... Inwardly, I swore that he'd have to pry the words out of my dead cold lips... but in the end, like many obedient (and stupid) children, I obeyed and called her such.
Anyway, since then I had to redefine to myself what it means to be family... and by extension who my family really was.
And I guess in my heart, very simply.... family are those people I know who are care about me and love me... and I, them. Family are the people who show concern about you, send you messages, calls you up, has dinner with you... and just ....CARES.... Nothing complicated about that. No need to try to over explain it.
Many friends around me I consider family, even if we have no formal or blood relations. I love them like I would my own brother or sister..... I MAKE them my family. I don't think I'm a lone in this. Otherwise, you'd never hear people say the phrase 'they are like family to me'...
On the other hand, I've disqualified a lot of blood related relatives from my 'family' list... simply because I have no relationship whatsoever with them. Having the same kind of nose, jaw, eyes or ears proves we come from the same stock... not that we have a relationship by default.
When I was younger, my mother liked reminding me that 'blood will always be thicker than water'.. whereas friends come and go. I've always felt uneasy with that phrase. It's true that blood ties go a long way.... but I also always liked believing that bonds forged in the outside world meant something too.....
Anyway, I don't really have anything particular to say this time round. January 2011 has been a rather tough month for me. A lot of big decisions were made this month, some methodically planned ahead, some at the spur of the moment... but I know in my heart that ALL these decisions I have made will decide the course of my life for the next 5 years and beyond.. I'm fast learning that being an adult means that the perks are many, but the challenges are even more..
Scared? As hell....
Worried? Like shit.....
Determined? Like a rock..
There's an old chinese saying that goes
When you have only two pennies left in the world, buy a loaf of bread with one, and a lily with the other.
It's a fascinating proverb to me. No one has really explained to me what it means... But by reading it, I gather its trying to say to all of us that in spending the days of your life... remember not only to be concerned about the nitty gritty neccesities of life, but also the beautiful and wonderful things this world has to offer...because in the end, they both matter. I'll try to remember that the rest of the year.
Happy Chinese New Year my friend....
I was just reading through my last years post on Chinese New Year and trying to figure out what I want to say this year. I haven't really figure anything out, so I'm really typing on the fly here.
Chinese New Year is a lot about family, which I really like. I'm big on family. I think family is DEE most important and essential thing a person can have in his / her life. It is the backbone on which we all rely on for support in going through life. But that's a strange thing to say coming from me, because I'm the same guy who will tell you that I hate my relatives. OK, I don't really HATE them, but I keep an extremely healthy distance from them. Not that there is anything wrong with them.... I just find keeping up with relatives to be a messy.
I came from a broken family..... and the idea of what a family should be like qucikly evaporated the day I saw my father holding another woman in his arms and insisting that I call her mother.... Inwardly, I swore that he'd have to pry the words out of my dead cold lips... but in the end, like many obedient (and stupid) children, I obeyed and called her such.
Anyway, since then I had to redefine to myself what it means to be family... and by extension who my family really was.
And I guess in my heart, very simply.... family are those people I know who are care about me and love me... and I, them. Family are the people who show concern about you, send you messages, calls you up, has dinner with you... and just ....CARES.... Nothing complicated about that. No need to try to over explain it.
Many friends around me I consider family, even if we have no formal or blood relations. I love them like I would my own brother or sister..... I MAKE them my family. I don't think I'm a lone in this. Otherwise, you'd never hear people say the phrase 'they are like family to me'...
On the other hand, I've disqualified a lot of blood related relatives from my 'family' list... simply because I have no relationship whatsoever with them. Having the same kind of nose, jaw, eyes or ears proves we come from the same stock... not that we have a relationship by default.
When I was younger, my mother liked reminding me that 'blood will always be thicker than water'.. whereas friends come and go. I've always felt uneasy with that phrase. It's true that blood ties go a long way.... but I also always liked believing that bonds forged in the outside world meant something too.....
Anyway, I don't really have anything particular to say this time round. January 2011 has been a rather tough month for me. A lot of big decisions were made this month, some methodically planned ahead, some at the spur of the moment... but I know in my heart that ALL these decisions I have made will decide the course of my life for the next 5 years and beyond.. I'm fast learning that being an adult means that the perks are many, but the challenges are even more..
Scared? As hell....
Worried? Like shit.....
Determined? Like a rock..
There's an old chinese saying that goes
When you have only two pennies left in the world, buy a loaf of bread with one, and a lily with the other.
It's a fascinating proverb to me. No one has really explained to me what it means... But by reading it, I gather its trying to say to all of us that in spending the days of your life... remember not only to be concerned about the nitty gritty neccesities of life, but also the beautiful and wonderful things this world has to offer...because in the end, they both matter. I'll try to remember that the rest of the year.
Happy Chinese New Year my friend....
Monday, January 24, 2011
Dreamers
There was once upon a time when we were all dreamers. We had small little bodies, funny looking hair and absolutely nothing to call our own in this world. And yet we had big dreams. There was nothing in life too big for us that we could not handle, there was no heights too high we could not reach. We had no strength, no inteligence, no experience, no wealth, no wisdom... but always had our dreams. Some dreamt of cotton candy fields, some dreamt of breezy ocean floors, and some, like me, dreamt of clear blue skies with the sun at the horizon.
We had dreams back then when we were called children.
And then we grew up.... and the larger our bodies grew, the more strength we gain, the more we experience life, the smaller that dream becomes... till eventually, it becomes nothing but a simple cubicle on the 15th floor we called our office.
Dreams don't belong in the real world. To have dreams is to be lofty, unrealistic and foolish. The world quickly teaches you that your life should be built not on cloudy dreams, but on the firm solid floor of reality. The world teaches you that dreams should be quantified in numbers and figures, deadlines and deliverables. If you're going to have a dream, then dream of the number you want to see in that bank account.
That’s the only dream the world allows you to have.
I stopped dreaming a long time back anyway.. long before I ever became an adult. There was just no time, and I just could not afford it. All I wanted was for everything to be okay.
But I have taken up to dreaming again of late. But this time, with eyes wide open. I dare myself to dream big, to imagine the impossible, to once again believe like a little child that when you dare to dream, it can come true...
Because it can, if only you dare.
"You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one..."
"I hope some day you'll join us, and the world will live as one..."
- John Lennon
We had dreams back then when we were called children.
And then we grew up.... and the larger our bodies grew, the more strength we gain, the more we experience life, the smaller that dream becomes... till eventually, it becomes nothing but a simple cubicle on the 15th floor we called our office.
Dreams don't belong in the real world. To have dreams is to be lofty, unrealistic and foolish. The world quickly teaches you that your life should be built not on cloudy dreams, but on the firm solid floor of reality. The world teaches you that dreams should be quantified in numbers and figures, deadlines and deliverables. If you're going to have a dream, then dream of the number you want to see in that bank account.
That’s the only dream the world allows you to have.
I stopped dreaming a long time back anyway.. long before I ever became an adult. There was just no time, and I just could not afford it. All I wanted was for everything to be okay.
But I have taken up to dreaming again of late. But this time, with eyes wide open. I dare myself to dream big, to imagine the impossible, to once again believe like a little child that when you dare to dream, it can come true...
Because it can, if only you dare.
"You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one..."
"I hope some day you'll join us, and the world will live as one..."
- John Lennon
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
When Life Overwhelms
Have you ever felt overwhelmed by life and all its demands? Have you ever felt like all at once there are so many things in life competing for your time and energy and life force?
As I write this, a heavy weight overwhelms my heart. The pressure of having to rise up to the challenges life is throwing at me feels so high. While the better part of my life was spend trying to come to terms with things that happened in the past, I am now at that stage where everything is about the future, everything is about where you’re going to get, instead of where you’re from. It’s a strange world of uncertainly where the only certainly is the certainty of change.
What do I do? How do I split my time? How do I try to live up to high expectations and standards set for me in my corporate life? How do I balance out trying to be a loyal and committed employee while also trying to make a decent living out of building a small business of my own? No matter how I try to divide it, how do I fit in all the things I need to do when all I have is 24 hours in a day? How do I respond to the calling in my heart to be closer to God and the church? How do I balance between being a good provider for a family without having to sacrifice quality time with them? How do I live a life of integrity and purity, when work requires you to do things less than honourable? Where do I turn to for the right advise on matters of investment and money? So many things in life call out to me, demanding my response and action... but so many different people sing different tunes to me.
Some tell me to focus on the life that is to come, to not get trapped in the ways of the world. To lead a pure and holy life, to not be sucked into this rat race life puts us all on. To trust that God will provide and not be preoccupied with money, riches and wealth.
Some tell me to focus on my work in the corporate line. They say I have a good future. They offer me promises of money, position and freedom way beyond what normal working people will ever achieve. Yet it comes with a sacrifice, of your time and energy and everything else. The rewards are great, and yet so are the sacrifices – its all or nothing.
And some… promise me the world, if only I have the patience and endurance. They tell me I can have it all… money, time, freedom. They tell me that I don’t need to live a life like everyone else. There is an alternative… They tell me its an achievable goal. And I believe them. But you can’t abandon one ship before the other hasn’t been built. And to built a living that gives you all that requires luck… and a lot of time… time I seem to be running short of every single day.
It feels like each of my limb is tied to a different horse, and all horses are running in opposite directions. I don’t know how I’m supposed to hold it all together.
And times like this, as I sit alone, distancing myself from the world.. all I feel like doing is giving up. To say “To hell with society and all its expectations”… and live a life of mediocrity… because in that mediocrity… I know I can still be happy and contented. But the faces of the people I love never leave my mind. The thought of family and their need drives me on. I feel like for their sake, I cannot give up. For their sake, I cannot be so selfish. For their sake I must succeed.
Underlying it all is a fear… a fear that if I don’t succeed in life, I would have let everybody down.. including myself.
As I write this, a heavy weight overwhelms my heart. The pressure of having to rise up to the challenges life is throwing at me feels so high. While the better part of my life was spend trying to come to terms with things that happened in the past, I am now at that stage where everything is about the future, everything is about where you’re going to get, instead of where you’re from. It’s a strange world of uncertainly where the only certainly is the certainty of change.
What do I do? How do I split my time? How do I try to live up to high expectations and standards set for me in my corporate life? How do I balance out trying to be a loyal and committed employee while also trying to make a decent living out of building a small business of my own? No matter how I try to divide it, how do I fit in all the things I need to do when all I have is 24 hours in a day? How do I respond to the calling in my heart to be closer to God and the church? How do I balance between being a good provider for a family without having to sacrifice quality time with them? How do I live a life of integrity and purity, when work requires you to do things less than honourable? Where do I turn to for the right advise on matters of investment and money? So many things in life call out to me, demanding my response and action... but so many different people sing different tunes to me.
Some tell me to focus on the life that is to come, to not get trapped in the ways of the world. To lead a pure and holy life, to not be sucked into this rat race life puts us all on. To trust that God will provide and not be preoccupied with money, riches and wealth.
Some tell me to focus on my work in the corporate line. They say I have a good future. They offer me promises of money, position and freedom way beyond what normal working people will ever achieve. Yet it comes with a sacrifice, of your time and energy and everything else. The rewards are great, and yet so are the sacrifices – its all or nothing.
And some… promise me the world, if only I have the patience and endurance. They tell me I can have it all… money, time, freedom. They tell me that I don’t need to live a life like everyone else. There is an alternative… They tell me its an achievable goal. And I believe them. But you can’t abandon one ship before the other hasn’t been built. And to built a living that gives you all that requires luck… and a lot of time… time I seem to be running short of every single day.
It feels like each of my limb is tied to a different horse, and all horses are running in opposite directions. I don’t know how I’m supposed to hold it all together.
And times like this, as I sit alone, distancing myself from the world.. all I feel like doing is giving up. To say “To hell with society and all its expectations”… and live a life of mediocrity… because in that mediocrity… I know I can still be happy and contented. But the faces of the people I love never leave my mind. The thought of family and their need drives me on. I feel like for their sake, I cannot give up. For their sake, I cannot be so selfish. For their sake I must succeed.
Underlying it all is a fear… a fear that if I don’t succeed in life, I would have let everybody down.. including myself.
A Prayer for myselff
Dear God,
I’m sorry. Please help me. I cannot do this myself. Please change my heart. Give me strength to turn away from all these sins I secretly desire. Break me from these chains. Free me from my own prison. I see what it has done to me. I see what it will do to me, if I do not stop.
Give me the will to want what is right. Because right now, I don’t want what is right, or what is pure or what is righteous. I don’t. Instead, all I want is what is fun, what is exciting, what feels good. And I can’t stop wanting these things. Every time I resolve to stop, it comes back again and again bigger and stronger. A war breaks out in my soul, and the part of me is righteous – it’s never allowed to win.
Thank you for today. Thank you for planting in me this conscience. I celebrate a small victory today, in trying to defeat this demon inside me. Though my heart resisted all the way and my hand turned heavy, I know deep down inside that I did the right thing, even if it feels lousy for now. Victory isn’t always followed by euphoria.
But I’m afraid. I don’t know how long this victory will last before sin quietly creeps up to me again and I slip back into the same old me all over again.
I know I have said this prayer before. But I must say it again. Help me dear God… let this dark hidden ugly part of me die once and all…
From
Me
I’m sorry. Please help me. I cannot do this myself. Please change my heart. Give me strength to turn away from all these sins I secretly desire. Break me from these chains. Free me from my own prison. I see what it has done to me. I see what it will do to me, if I do not stop.
Give me the will to want what is right. Because right now, I don’t want what is right, or what is pure or what is righteous. I don’t. Instead, all I want is what is fun, what is exciting, what feels good. And I can’t stop wanting these things. Every time I resolve to stop, it comes back again and again bigger and stronger. A war breaks out in my soul, and the part of me is righteous – it’s never allowed to win.
Thank you for today. Thank you for planting in me this conscience. I celebrate a small victory today, in trying to defeat this demon inside me. Though my heart resisted all the way and my hand turned heavy, I know deep down inside that I did the right thing, even if it feels lousy for now. Victory isn’t always followed by euphoria.
But I’m afraid. I don’t know how long this victory will last before sin quietly creeps up to me again and I slip back into the same old me all over again.
I know I have said this prayer before. But I must say it again. Help me dear God… let this dark hidden ugly part of me die once and all…
From
Me
Why You Get to Choose
I spoke once to a guy about God and he had this to say to me…
“If God really wants us to be free, then why all these rules? Why all these commandments? Why all these thou shall not do this, thou shall not do that? If I fail to keep them because I was too weak, isn’t it his own fault? Because it was he who made me this way in the first place.”
“You mean in other words – everything is His fault right?”
“Yeah…”
“True… but you’re missing something. God said don’t do this and don’t do that. But he still left it up to us to decide for ourselves. He still gave us free will…”
“Yeah, well if He wants us to obey Him so much, why doesn’t He just control us and make us completely obedient? Why free will if it’s so much trouble? Why free will if you know we might very well choose something else?”
“Aaah… good point. But imagine this. You have a son. He’s your flesh and blood. Everything about him reminds you of yourself and you love him to bits. Would you want your son to be obedient to you?”
“Well………. Yes.”
“And when he obeys you, would you want him to do it because he fears you and has to, or because he loves you and WANTS to?”
“Of course… I will want him to WANT to.”
“And if he DOESN’T obey you and rebels, will you not still love him and want to see him come back to you one day?
“Yes….”
“Then you have your answer... and the answer in a word... is LOVE”
We are all given the privilege of free will for a reason.
Sadly, we often forget why.
“If God really wants us to be free, then why all these rules? Why all these commandments? Why all these thou shall not do this, thou shall not do that? If I fail to keep them because I was too weak, isn’t it his own fault? Because it was he who made me this way in the first place.”
“You mean in other words – everything is His fault right?”
“Yeah…”
“True… but you’re missing something. God said don’t do this and don’t do that. But he still left it up to us to decide for ourselves. He still gave us free will…”
“Yeah, well if He wants us to obey Him so much, why doesn’t He just control us and make us completely obedient? Why free will if it’s so much trouble? Why free will if you know we might very well choose something else?”
“Aaah… good point. But imagine this. You have a son. He’s your flesh and blood. Everything about him reminds you of yourself and you love him to bits. Would you want your son to be obedient to you?”
“Well………. Yes.”
“And when he obeys you, would you want him to do it because he fears you and has to, or because he loves you and WANTS to?”
“Of course… I will want him to WANT to.”
“And if he DOESN’T obey you and rebels, will you not still love him and want to see him come back to you one day?
“Yes….”
“Then you have your answer... and the answer in a word... is LOVE”
We are all given the privilege of free will for a reason.
Sadly, we often forget why.
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