Bread and Lily

Gosh, how fast the year has gone by! It feels just like not too long ago that I was crashing at a friends place celebrating the new year. And now, it's almost the end of January!

I was just reading through my last years post on Chinese New Year and trying to figure out what I want to say this year. I haven't really figure anything out, so I'm really typing on the fly here.

Chinese New Year is a lot about family, which I really like. I'm big on family. I think family is DEE most important and essential thing a person can have in his / her life. It is the backbone on which we all rely on for support in going through life. But that's a strange thing to say coming from me, because I'm the same guy who will tell you that I hate my relatives. OK, I don't really HATE them, but I keep an extremely healthy distance from them. Not that there is anything wrong with them.... I just find keeping up with relatives to be a messy.

I came from a broken family..... and the idea of what a family should be like qucikly evaporated the day I saw my father holding another woman in his arms and insisting that I call her mother.... Inwardly, I swore that he'd have to pry the words out of my dead cold lips... but in the end, like many obedient (and stupid) children, I obeyed and called her such.

Anyway, since then I had to redefine to myself what it means to be family... and by extension who my family really was.

And I guess in my heart, very simply.... family are those people I know who are care about me and love me... and I, them. Family are the people who show concern about you, send you messages, calls you up, has dinner with you... and just ....CARES.... Nothing complicated about that. No need to try to over explain it.

Many friends around me I consider family, even if we have no formal or blood relations. I love them like I would my own brother or sister..... I MAKE them my family. I don't think I'm a lone in this. Otherwise, you'd never hear people say the phrase 'they are like family to me'...

On the other hand, I've disqualified a lot of blood related relatives from my 'family' list... simply because I have no relationship whatsoever with them. Having the same kind of nose, jaw, eyes or ears proves we come from the same stock... not that we have a relationship by default.

When I was younger, my mother liked reminding me that 'blood will always be thicker than water'.. whereas friends come and go. I've always felt uneasy with that phrase. It's true that blood ties go a long way.... but I also always liked believing that bonds forged in the outside world meant something too.....

Anyway, I don't really have anything particular to say this time round. January 2011 has been a rather tough month for me. A lot of big decisions were made this month, some methodically planned ahead, some at the spur of the moment... but I know in my heart that ALL these decisions I have made will decide the course of my life for the next 5 years and beyond.. I'm fast learning that being an adult means that the perks are many, but the challenges are even more..

Scared? As hell....
Worried? Like shit.....
Determined? Like a rock..


There's an old chinese saying that goes

When you have only two pennies left in the world, buy a loaf of bread with one, and a lily with the other.

It's a fascinating proverb to me.  No one has really explained to me what it means... But by reading it, I gather its trying to say to all of us that in spending the days of your life... remember not only to be concerned about the nitty gritty neccesities of life, but also the beautiful and wonderful things this world has to offer...because in the end, they both matter. I'll try to remember that the rest of the year.

Happy Chinese New Year my friend....