Thursday, April 21, 2011
Fastball - Out of My Head
This song gets me in such a nostalgic mood.
I notice I tend to like simple songs like this. Songs with a very clear and easy to follow tunes.. almost folk-ish even. Songs you sing along to.
Especially so when the song has beautiful simple lyrics.
The thing about words is this - They are beautiful not when they rhyme.. they are beautiful when they come from the heart.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
When Rainbows Still Enchant You
For the life of me, I still can't figure it out.
But there is something about you that just completely melts me. I know you get that from many men, and its nothing unusual for you. But it's unusual for me. Because I don't get that way with many women. In fact, just you.
It's like I'm permanently enchanted by you... even as I know you had cast no such spells on me.
I still feel so silly.. silly like a 12 year old still trying to deal with his first crush five years on. Silly like a 12 year old who still gets butterflies in his stomach just thinking about the girl. Silly like a 26 year old admitting he feels like a 12 year old.
You've always made me feel silly that way. But I wouldn't say it was or is a bad thing. Only that it is so.
How are things? How are you? What's going on? How's your new love? I don't even know. It's not even my place to know anymore. I tell myself that sometimess, in order for new things to flow in, others must bow out...and stay out... even if that others means me.
After all this time, I fully expected this fondness I have for you to have died down. It's the only way I can really believe that I wasn't weak, that I know how to move on, that I don't live in the past.
Yet, here I am, silently stalking you online like some creepy weirdo, still feeling deep down somewhere the remnants of that short but burning passion that we experienced together once upon a time.
There are only two ways I can explain it to myself. Either it is me; who has somehow developed a dysfunction or obsession with you that even watching you sing a simple song on youtube makes me feel like a silly boy too shy to admit his admiration, only daring to observe from afar...Or its you; you and your uniqueness, rawness, courage, weakness, strength and zest for life. Maybe that is the thing that has gotten me so transfixed. Like the light of a firefly hovering over a calm river at night... my eyes fall so naturally on you.. with such wonder and fondness...because your spark, like that of a firefly, is gentle and small, yet bright enough to make a dark river become magical dance of light.
The happier I see you, the happier I am too. I'd say live well... but I think you need no advice on that.
My warmest wishes and constant prayers for you dear friend.
But there is something about you that just completely melts me. I know you get that from many men, and its nothing unusual for you. But it's unusual for me. Because I don't get that way with many women. In fact, just you.
It's like I'm permanently enchanted by you... even as I know you had cast no such spells on me.
I still feel so silly.. silly like a 12 year old still trying to deal with his first crush five years on. Silly like a 12 year old who still gets butterflies in his stomach just thinking about the girl. Silly like a 26 year old admitting he feels like a 12 year old.
You've always made me feel silly that way. But I wouldn't say it was or is a bad thing. Only that it is so.
How are things? How are you? What's going on? How's your new love? I don't even know. It's not even my place to know anymore. I tell myself that sometimess, in order for new things to flow in, others must bow out...and stay out... even if that others means me.
After all this time, I fully expected this fondness I have for you to have died down. It's the only way I can really believe that I wasn't weak, that I know how to move on, that I don't live in the past.
Yet, here I am, silently stalking you online like some creepy weirdo, still feeling deep down somewhere the remnants of that short but burning passion that we experienced together once upon a time.
There are only two ways I can explain it to myself. Either it is me; who has somehow developed a dysfunction or obsession with you that even watching you sing a simple song on youtube makes me feel like a silly boy too shy to admit his admiration, only daring to observe from afar...Or its you; you and your uniqueness, rawness, courage, weakness, strength and zest for life. Maybe that is the thing that has gotten me so transfixed. Like the light of a firefly hovering over a calm river at night... my eyes fall so naturally on you.. with such wonder and fondness...because your spark, like that of a firefly, is gentle and small, yet bright enough to make a dark river become magical dance of light.
The happier I see you, the happier I am too. I'd say live well... but I think you need no advice on that.
My warmest wishes and constant prayers for you dear friend.
Blah..
Hello God.
Yeah. It’s me again. You know how people always say “Same shit, different day”? Yeah well… so far, that doesn’t apply to me. It’s more like different shit, different day, everday.
I know you’ve got all this big plans and all for the universe, for the world, for mankind, and even more me… but really at this moment in this, you really gotta cut me some slack and answer me this:
Why the heck am I here doing what I’m doing? What is it that I’m supposed to learn? What is it that supposed to happen? Where is it you want me to go? What is it you want me to do?
Because very frankly God, I have no idea. Sometimes I think I do, but then you have this knack of throwing curve balls that no one seems able to catch. And since you’re the God of everything, I assume fairly accurately that you do know what’s going on.
According to you “In his heart, man plans his course, but the Lords determines his step.”… True enough, after planning my course, the steps don’t quite tally with the plan. Kinda like sailing. The captain sets his course and navigates accordingly, but in the end, his boat will go only where the sea and its winds will take him.
So where are you taking me God? Where are you taking me? If my job is to walk the paths presented before me, then why THIS path? Why do I find myself doing all THESE things?
In my heart, I think that perhaps if I knew the answer, I’d thread it more boldly, with a better sense of purpose. We all want to know the destination before experiencing the journey. It’s our funny way of gauging if the destination will be worth the journey. All that talk about the journey being the destination itself… well frankly, it doesn’t entire hold water. Journeys are incidental in moving towards a destination. You never set out on a journey for the sake of it, with no destination in mind.
But in many ways, isn’t that exactly how we all start life? We are born, raised, educated and thrown out into society, fully expected to know how to function and contribute. We’re all expected to know just what we want out of life and we want to achieve.
We didn’t ask for this life, though it was gifted to us. And in living it, we are then left to answer WHY this gift was given in the first place. It’s like we’ve all been kidnapped from a previous life and dropped into this Paradise island that’s both a mixture of heaven and hell. And with no visible host, no tour guide, no camp commander, we don’t really know what the heck we are supposed to do on this island.
Sigh.
Don’t mind me. I’m just ranting.
It’s just been a really shitty day.. that’s all.
Cheers everyone… and God.. if you read my blog, if you’re not going to tell me where this train is heading, then at least make the trip a fun one.
Yeah. It’s me again. You know how people always say “Same shit, different day”? Yeah well… so far, that doesn’t apply to me. It’s more like different shit, different day, everday.
I know you’ve got all this big plans and all for the universe, for the world, for mankind, and even more me… but really at this moment in this, you really gotta cut me some slack and answer me this:
Why the heck am I here doing what I’m doing? What is it that I’m supposed to learn? What is it that supposed to happen? Where is it you want me to go? What is it you want me to do?
Because very frankly God, I have no idea. Sometimes I think I do, but then you have this knack of throwing curve balls that no one seems able to catch. And since you’re the God of everything, I assume fairly accurately that you do know what’s going on.
According to you “In his heart, man plans his course, but the Lords determines his step.”… True enough, after planning my course, the steps don’t quite tally with the plan. Kinda like sailing. The captain sets his course and navigates accordingly, but in the end, his boat will go only where the sea and its winds will take him.
So where are you taking me God? Where are you taking me? If my job is to walk the paths presented before me, then why THIS path? Why do I find myself doing all THESE things?
In my heart, I think that perhaps if I knew the answer, I’d thread it more boldly, with a better sense of purpose. We all want to know the destination before experiencing the journey. It’s our funny way of gauging if the destination will be worth the journey. All that talk about the journey being the destination itself… well frankly, it doesn’t entire hold water. Journeys are incidental in moving towards a destination. You never set out on a journey for the sake of it, with no destination in mind.
But in many ways, isn’t that exactly how we all start life? We are born, raised, educated and thrown out into society, fully expected to know how to function and contribute. We’re all expected to know just what we want out of life and we want to achieve.
We didn’t ask for this life, though it was gifted to us. And in living it, we are then left to answer WHY this gift was given in the first place. It’s like we’ve all been kidnapped from a previous life and dropped into this Paradise island that’s both a mixture of heaven and hell. And with no visible host, no tour guide, no camp commander, we don’t really know what the heck we are supposed to do on this island.
Sigh.
Don’t mind me. I’m just ranting.
It’s just been a really shitty day.. that’s all.
Cheers everyone… and God.. if you read my blog, if you’re not going to tell me where this train is heading, then at least make the trip a fun one.
Monday, April 11, 2011
A Man Can Change His Stars
hey you..
Sorry if I haven't posted anything in a while now. Or rather, sorry if I haven't posted anything GOOD for a while now. It's probably because I haven't been feeling particularly inspired of late. Whenever I think of posting, I am faced with a dilemma. To write regularly (even when there's nothing great to write about) and have a consistent flow of mediocre post.. just for the sake of activity on this blog... or be a purist... and blog ONLY when there's some really awesome thing I want to say (no matter if that means one post in 6 days or 6 months).
Sometimes,, the words flow out of me so naturally like song. The words gush out in beautiful prose.. beautiful pieces of poetry that became as much a joy to write as it is to read. Other times, it's like vomit that just won't come out. You try to regurgitate it.. you make awful noises, then finally, a lump of puke just gets thrown out in the most disgusting fashion.
Anyway.............
The year has been very much a 'grit your teeth and slug it out' kinda year so far. Not that life has taken a downturn suddenly. If you haven't read any dramatic or emotional post of late, it's mainly because there hasn't been any dramatic or emotional incidences of late. The only difference is.. I've been working extra hard at life... trying to achieve things... trying.... to change my stars.... a lot like what Heath Ledger was doing in this movie A Knights Tale. (What a brilliant actor he was)
"A man CAN change his stars. And I won't spend the rest of my life as NOTHING." said William.
"We're the sons of peasants. Glory and riches and stars are beyond our grasp. But a full stomach; THAT dream can come true" said Wat
"Roland, please.....With thirteen silver pieces three men can change their stars." said William.
"...........[ponders]....... God love you William.." said Roland.
It's just a movie... but can't you just tell how even in todays world, this is how we all are? Hundreds of years later, with so many advances in technology, philosophy and science we are all still trapped in a society where the majority of people do not dream of anything beyond keeping their stomachs full... because any dream beyond that would be more of a fantasy. Despite all our grumbling, we are all contented to just get by. We say we'd like to shoot for the stars, but we really just want to stay at home where it's safe. We believe that great achievements and success belong to other people who have it gifted on a silver platter.. that it's just somehow their fate.. and not ours. "Since I wasn't born with it, it's not mine to have."
Perhaps I'm just a foolish hoper... but I am inclined to believe what the character William said in the end... that with just thirteen silver pieces.. three man CAN change their stars.
And it all starts with believing.
Sorry if I haven't posted anything in a while now. Or rather, sorry if I haven't posted anything GOOD for a while now. It's probably because I haven't been feeling particularly inspired of late. Whenever I think of posting, I am faced with a dilemma. To write regularly (even when there's nothing great to write about) and have a consistent flow of mediocre post.. just for the sake of activity on this blog... or be a purist... and blog ONLY when there's some really awesome thing I want to say (no matter if that means one post in 6 days or 6 months).
Sometimes,, the words flow out of me so naturally like song. The words gush out in beautiful prose.. beautiful pieces of poetry that became as much a joy to write as it is to read. Other times, it's like vomit that just won't come out. You try to regurgitate it.. you make awful noises, then finally, a lump of puke just gets thrown out in the most disgusting fashion.
Anyway.............
The year has been very much a 'grit your teeth and slug it out' kinda year so far. Not that life has taken a downturn suddenly. If you haven't read any dramatic or emotional post of late, it's mainly because there hasn't been any dramatic or emotional incidences of late. The only difference is.. I've been working extra hard at life... trying to achieve things... trying.... to change my stars.... a lot like what Heath Ledger was doing in this movie A Knights Tale. (What a brilliant actor he was)
"A man CAN change his stars. And I won't spend the rest of my life as NOTHING." said William.
"We're the sons of peasants. Glory and riches and stars are beyond our grasp. But a full stomach; THAT dream can come true" said Wat
"Roland, please.....With thirteen silver pieces three men can change their stars." said William.
"...........[ponders]....... God love you William.." said Roland.
It's just a movie... but can't you just tell how even in todays world, this is how we all are? Hundreds of years later, with so many advances in technology, philosophy and science we are all still trapped in a society where the majority of people do not dream of anything beyond keeping their stomachs full... because any dream beyond that would be more of a fantasy. Despite all our grumbling, we are all contented to just get by. We say we'd like to shoot for the stars, but we really just want to stay at home where it's safe. We believe that great achievements and success belong to other people who have it gifted on a silver platter.. that it's just somehow their fate.. and not ours. "Since I wasn't born with it, it's not mine to have."
Perhaps I'm just a foolish hoper... but I am inclined to believe what the character William said in the end... that with just thirteen silver pieces.. three man CAN change their stars.
And it all starts with believing.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Relatives...
Relatives. I’ve never fancied them much. Individually, they are alright. But as a whole.. Urrgh..
I was just catching up with a cousin I hadn’t spoken to in years. And if you were to believe what my relatives have been talking about me.
According to them, I told another cousin over MSN chat that I was now working in Saudi Arabia in some big time Oil and Gas company, earning a five figure salary. On top of that, I was now a PROFESSOR, giving out classes and consultation services!
First of all.. I haven’t spoken to this cousin for at least 5 years. Secondly, I haven’t logged on to MSN chat for probably 10 years. Thirdly, I have never been to Saudi Arabia in my life. Fourthly, I don’t work in a big Oil and Gas company earning five figures and lastly…. I certainly am NOT a professor.
So with all this in my mind… all I really wanted to say was… “What The F*ck?”
But I didn’t. If something I didn’t say could be spun into such an absurd story, God knows how THAT sentence would evolve once word gets around my relatives.
Not that my relatives are evil. In fact, I happened to like this particular cousin. But he was the exception. The rest of them are just negative, busybody gossip peddlers.... It’s fine if it’s just harmless pieces of information like how I’ve gotten fat, or my house roof collapsed or something like that. But when it turns into something like the above, I draw the line.
Because if the lie continued and I was still unaware of it, their perception of me, and what I truly am no longer tallies. Suddenly, high flying, high paying me who did not pick up the bill for the entire household becomes a cheapskate. Suddenly, not chipping in more money for my grandmothers medical expenses is being selfish.
At some point, I just want to say “Screw family.. screw the relatives…”
I feel a bit bad saying that considering just last week I was just expounding the virtues of family values in Asian society to a certain Frenchman.
But the same thing that’s so great about family is also the same thing so horrible about it. With family, no matter what happens, they will still be family. The links cannot be broken. But by the same token, family will be family…..no matter how hard you try to get rid of them. I guess that’s just it family… like this… like that…. Comme ci, comme ça
I was just catching up with a cousin I hadn’t spoken to in years. And if you were to believe what my relatives have been talking about me.
According to them, I told another cousin over MSN chat that I was now working in Saudi Arabia in some big time Oil and Gas company, earning a five figure salary. On top of that, I was now a PROFESSOR, giving out classes and consultation services!
First of all.. I haven’t spoken to this cousin for at least 5 years. Secondly, I haven’t logged on to MSN chat for probably 10 years. Thirdly, I have never been to Saudi Arabia in my life. Fourthly, I don’t work in a big Oil and Gas company earning five figures and lastly…. I certainly am NOT a professor.
So with all this in my mind… all I really wanted to say was… “What The F*ck?”
But I didn’t. If something I didn’t say could be spun into such an absurd story, God knows how THAT sentence would evolve once word gets around my relatives.
Not that my relatives are evil. In fact, I happened to like this particular cousin. But he was the exception. The rest of them are just negative, busybody gossip peddlers.... It’s fine if it’s just harmless pieces of information like how I’ve gotten fat, or my house roof collapsed or something like that. But when it turns into something like the above, I draw the line.
Because if the lie continued and I was still unaware of it, their perception of me, and what I truly am no longer tallies. Suddenly, high flying, high paying me who did not pick up the bill for the entire household becomes a cheapskate. Suddenly, not chipping in more money for my grandmothers medical expenses is being selfish.
At some point, I just want to say “Screw family.. screw the relatives…”
I feel a bit bad saying that considering just last week I was just expounding the virtues of family values in Asian society to a certain Frenchman.
But the same thing that’s so great about family is also the same thing so horrible about it. With family, no matter what happens, they will still be family. The links cannot be broken. But by the same token, family will be family…..no matter how hard you try to get rid of them. I guess that’s just it family… like this… like that…. Comme ci, comme ça
Friday, April 1, 2011
A Treasure On Loan
“Don’t you find it scary?”
“What?”
“The end of the world… 2012.. With all the shit happening of late.. don’t you think it’s scary?”
“What are you afraid of? We’ve all got to die some day anyway.”
“Yeah… but if its like in the movies and we’ve got nowhere to run to.. man.. it’s going to be crazy.”
“You got to stop watching those crap dude.. But then again, if your time is up and death comes for you, do you really think anyone could run from it?”
“True…. But still… it’s going to be scary.....”
“I guess so…I think the end of the world is always going to be scary. But to some, the end of the world also means the start of something else… something spanning eternity. Ever heard of something like that?”
“Of course… heaven on earth right?”
“mHmmm... a lot of people wait till it’s the end of the world before they start believing in something called God. But by then, it’s too late.”
“No problem... We'll just go to church and repent in December this year. ”
“Erm... maybe it's better before December.”
“And why is that?”
“Well…… because it might end THIS YEAR… “
The point:
Waiting for the end of days the same as waiting for your own death. The timing is irrelevant. People shouldn’t be any more obsessed about the end of the world as they are with their own death. More important than when it’s going to happen, is ARE YOU READY FOR IT? I heard a speech by Steve Jobs once and he said “If you live everyday like it’s your last, eventually you’re going to get it right.” If you died today, if Armageddon was today, go you must, die you will… but will you be doing it WILLINGLY? READILY?
The thought of dying, and the thought of the end of the world scares people because they cling to this world so tightly without realizing that it’s a world that is already decaying anyway. It scares them because this world and this life is all they think they have and they don’t want to lose it.
Life on earth is a gift we all receive. I don’t think anyone will argue with that. But in a sense, although gifted to you, you don’t really own your life anymore than you own the world and all its wealth. We are beings merely passing through.. given a chance to marvel at creation, to be a guardian and steward for a brief time of all things created. Then when our time is up, we pass on the baton to others and we return to the one who brought us there in the first place.
Life
It was never a gift you own.
It’s a treasure on loan.
“What?”
“The end of the world… 2012.. With all the shit happening of late.. don’t you think it’s scary?”
“What are you afraid of? We’ve all got to die some day anyway.”
“Yeah… but if its like in the movies and we’ve got nowhere to run to.. man.. it’s going to be crazy.”
“You got to stop watching those crap dude.. But then again, if your time is up and death comes for you, do you really think anyone could run from it?”
“True…. But still… it’s going to be scary.....”
“I guess so…I think the end of the world is always going to be scary. But to some, the end of the world also means the start of something else… something spanning eternity. Ever heard of something like that?”
“Of course… heaven on earth right?”
“mHmmm... a lot of people wait till it’s the end of the world before they start believing in something called God. But by then, it’s too late.”
“No problem... We'll just go to church and repent in December this year. ”
“Erm... maybe it's better before December.”
“And why is that?”
“Well…… because it might end THIS YEAR… “
The point:
Waiting for the end of days the same as waiting for your own death. The timing is irrelevant. People shouldn’t be any more obsessed about the end of the world as they are with their own death. More important than when it’s going to happen, is ARE YOU READY FOR IT? I heard a speech by Steve Jobs once and he said “If you live everyday like it’s your last, eventually you’re going to get it right.” If you died today, if Armageddon was today, go you must, die you will… but will you be doing it WILLINGLY? READILY?
The thought of dying, and the thought of the end of the world scares people because they cling to this world so tightly without realizing that it’s a world that is already decaying anyway. It scares them because this world and this life is all they think they have and they don’t want to lose it.
Life on earth is a gift we all receive. I don’t think anyone will argue with that. But in a sense, although gifted to you, you don’t really own your life anymore than you own the world and all its wealth. We are beings merely passing through.. given a chance to marvel at creation, to be a guardian and steward for a brief time of all things created. Then when our time is up, we pass on the baton to others and we return to the one who brought us there in the first place.
Life
It was never a gift you own.
It’s a treasure on loan.
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