Showing posts with label filial piety. Show all posts
Showing posts with label filial piety. Show all posts
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Happy Chinese New Year 2010
Many people around my age lived through our teenage years watching Petronas commercial such as above. Kind of like how advertisements were some of the memorable things Americans during the Super Bowl, watching a Petronas commercial nearing festive seasons or national holidays have become part and partial of the festive experience here. Most of it never ceased to touch the hearts of the people, often emphasizing & reminding us of our core values that make living in Malaysia such a rich and beautiful experience. I guess we owe a lot to Yasmin Ahmad, who was behind many of these advertisements. Most of her stories were simple in nature, yet they often manage to transcend the heart and cut through our defenses, reminding us what being human beings, and being Malaysia should really be about.
I watched all the Chinese New Year commercial that Petronas made over the past 10 years... and the theme have always and ever been the same; filial piety. I know I've written about it before.. but here I go again.
Everyone understands what it means to love and honour your parents. And I guess to many people will have no problem understanding the message in this short video. What I wonder is if those of you out there who aren't chinese really understand why this really hits home for Chinese folk. Even among my Chinese friends, I suspect many of us English speaking / educated ones do not formally know it's significance. But gladly, I think the folks who made these commercials didn't fail to miss it. It sure wasn't by accident that for 10 years running, almost all the advertisement were about parents / old folks and the reunion dinner.
There are a hundred and one different values the chinese of ancient days embraced.. industriousness, hard work, honestly, courtesy, but the first and most important virtue was still Filial Piety. So important was it that they even became law in some dynasties. It was practically a crime not to honour your parents. THAT's why the advertisements have been the same all these years, and THAT's why it never fails to hit home to many of us chinese folk. It's considered the epitome of Chinese culture. Kind of like how loving God and loving your neighbour is the epitome of the Christian faith.
Subconsciously, many Malaysian Chinese pride themselves on being intelligent and capable people who not only equal, but exceed the achievements of our majority fellow citizens despite being given no favours by the government. The fact they hold the a bigger share of the country's wealth despite the smaller numbers is a source of unspoken pride. And many Chinese subconsciously work hard to maintain this edge even till today..... by working hard, chasing the dollar. We hold in high regard the industriousness of hard working people, unafraid to 吃苦.... literally translated... EAT BITTER... meaning unafraid of hardship.
I think in some ways, we've carried this a bit too far, almost putting aside the very first virtue of filial piety. And what better time to be reminded of it than on the eve of the reunion dinner; a time when family are expected to gather around one another in love and fellowship. A time when all the industrious, successful, money chasing children return to their roots and pay respects to their parents, not with their money, but with their presence. A lesson they themselves need to teach their children one day.
Anyway, I won't go on and on anymore. Happy Chinese New Year to those who are celebrating it. I'd wish you Gong Xi Fa Chai.... but I think we need to start looking at higher things rather than just money... So go be with your family and loved ones this around k. Sometimes, when the chips are down and times are hard, they are all you have.... and in a way, all you need.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Chinese ----> Filial Piety -----> Love
There have been 2 words on my mind of late..
FILIAL PIETY.
It's not a very common value or word that's used this days... but somehow still remains a very strong value that many of us still uphold, consciously or otherwise.
I speak as person of Chinese decent... where the values of Filial Piety was first advocated by Confucius to Chinese society thousands of years ago. It became one of the cornerstones and building blocks of Chinese society, on how to think, how to act, how to carry yourself, especially when it comes to your parents. No one thought my generation filial piety. No one purposefully thought my fathers generation filial piety. But in the past few days... I have come to realize it remains very much present in our value system.
I was at my uncle's house last week visiting my grandmother. She had suffered from a stroke almost 6 months ago... and has been completely bed ridden since. She can no longer open her eyes, eat, talk, walk or communicate with the people around her beyond grunting and murmuring. Her children cleared out a room in their house, pooled money and hired a maid to take care of her.
My aunt living in the US immediately quit her job and came back... just to take care of her in her vegetative state. I was so moved, and filled with so much respect for her. To temporarily put her entire life on hold, leave her husbands side, and take care of her mother, who most like will never be able to thank her for her sacrifice, if she was even aware of what her daughter did.
A few of my own friends studied overseas... and feel in love with life there. They could have lived there, found jobs there and build their life there. But they chose to come home, either to take care of their parents, to keep them company, or to obey their wishes. "No choice" they said to me. But they HAD a choice.... and they chose to put their parents before themselves. I know... because I made the same decision 2 years ago.
Another friend of mine told me about how her entire family moved out of their apartment into a terrace house, purely because the grandparents were too old to be able to climb the stairs. The entire family moved, just so the grandparents would continue staying in the same house. I was told this was practically unheard of in western societies.
Someone else I know gave up his lifelong dream and passion of being a full time composer and musician to focus on their family business... because the parents were relying on him as the eldest son to take over the business their parents were so painstakingly building for their children. And mind you, this wasn't some multi-million dollar company with a nice big mahogany desk and a secretary waiting for him. It was long, hard round the clock work in dusty factories... which promised to completely wipe out any sort of social life he previously had.
My friend resisted and rejected all invitations to go out at night because she felt she needed to be home. I found out later that it was because the father was away on a long business trip, and she didn't want her mother to feel lonely. This was the same friend who would usually be a party freak.. partying till late nights every other weekend.
In my own life, I constantly feel pressured to 'do the right thing' when it came to my mother. Despite some opposition from hospital advisers and some friends, my brother and I decided that we will move her out of the nursing home, into our own care despite the obvious risk...... There was plenty of pressure from well meaning people... but deep down, I think my brother and I felt like this was the right and respectful way to be treating and respecting her as our mother. I told my fiancee once that if I do not treat my own mother right now, how will I ever be able to tell my own children to treat their mother right in future?
The interesting thing is, I'm pretty sure the words filial piety doesn't appear in their minds as they commit this acts of love. But in the bigger picture, what ELSE do you call it if not filial piety then? The more I thought about it, the more amazed I was at how deeply this seems to take root amongst us. In case you were wondering, yes all the families and people above were Chinese decent.
As the world becomes a smaller and smaller place, it's inevitable that we all start to adopt different values from other cultures. We have now come to appreciate values like freedom of speech, individual freedom, and personal achievement. They are no longer alien to us, because they are constantly vocalized. But what about filial piety? Will it continue to survive this new age as it has for thousands of years? Or will it slowly but surely die a painful death? The problem with instilling values in this; the only way it can be done effectively, is by example. It can't just be thought like a subject. You actually have to BE it and LIVE it before it makes an impact on others. People will do as you do, not as you say. Things like freedom of speech, individualism etc are easy to advocate... because it often involves a clear and almost immediate benefit to one's self. Any fool would advocate something with all their heart if it benefited them. But filial piety almost always offers absolutely no tangible benefit to self. You don't gain anything at all. In fact, it inevitably involves you giving up or sacrificing something for the benefit of your parents.
Funny, because as I write this, those last few line seemed terribly familiar to other stuff I've written int he past. It seems more and more to me like filial piety ultimately points to an even bigger picture...... LOVE.
Man, I really gotta start writing about other things......
Cheers! :-)
FILIAL PIETY.
It's not a very common value or word that's used this days... but somehow still remains a very strong value that many of us still uphold, consciously or otherwise.
I speak as person of Chinese decent... where the values of Filial Piety was first advocated by Confucius to Chinese society thousands of years ago. It became one of the cornerstones and building blocks of Chinese society, on how to think, how to act, how to carry yourself, especially when it comes to your parents. No one thought my generation filial piety. No one purposefully thought my fathers generation filial piety. But in the past few days... I have come to realize it remains very much present in our value system.
I was at my uncle's house last week visiting my grandmother. She had suffered from a stroke almost 6 months ago... and has been completely bed ridden since. She can no longer open her eyes, eat, talk, walk or communicate with the people around her beyond grunting and murmuring. Her children cleared out a room in their house, pooled money and hired a maid to take care of her.
My aunt living in the US immediately quit her job and came back... just to take care of her in her vegetative state. I was so moved, and filled with so much respect for her. To temporarily put her entire life on hold, leave her husbands side, and take care of her mother, who most like will never be able to thank her for her sacrifice, if she was even aware of what her daughter did.
A few of my own friends studied overseas... and feel in love with life there. They could have lived there, found jobs there and build their life there. But they chose to come home, either to take care of their parents, to keep them company, or to obey their wishes. "No choice" they said to me. But they HAD a choice.... and they chose to put their parents before themselves. I know... because I made the same decision 2 years ago.
Another friend of mine told me about how her entire family moved out of their apartment into a terrace house, purely because the grandparents were too old to be able to climb the stairs. The entire family moved, just so the grandparents would continue staying in the same house. I was told this was practically unheard of in western societies.
Someone else I know gave up his lifelong dream and passion of being a full time composer and musician to focus on their family business... because the parents were relying on him as the eldest son to take over the business their parents were so painstakingly building for their children. And mind you, this wasn't some multi-million dollar company with a nice big mahogany desk and a secretary waiting for him. It was long, hard round the clock work in dusty factories... which promised to completely wipe out any sort of social life he previously had.
My friend resisted and rejected all invitations to go out at night because she felt she needed to be home. I found out later that it was because the father was away on a long business trip, and she didn't want her mother to feel lonely. This was the same friend who would usually be a party freak.. partying till late nights every other weekend.
In my own life, I constantly feel pressured to 'do the right thing' when it came to my mother. Despite some opposition from hospital advisers and some friends, my brother and I decided that we will move her out of the nursing home, into our own care despite the obvious risk...... There was plenty of pressure from well meaning people... but deep down, I think my brother and I felt like this was the right and respectful way to be treating and respecting her as our mother. I told my fiancee once that if I do not treat my own mother right now, how will I ever be able to tell my own children to treat their mother right in future?
The interesting thing is, I'm pretty sure the words filial piety doesn't appear in their minds as they commit this acts of love. But in the bigger picture, what ELSE do you call it if not filial piety then? The more I thought about it, the more amazed I was at how deeply this seems to take root amongst us. In case you were wondering, yes all the families and people above were Chinese decent.
As the world becomes a smaller and smaller place, it's inevitable that we all start to adopt different values from other cultures. We have now come to appreciate values like freedom of speech, individual freedom, and personal achievement. They are no longer alien to us, because they are constantly vocalized. But what about filial piety? Will it continue to survive this new age as it has for thousands of years? Or will it slowly but surely die a painful death? The problem with instilling values in this; the only way it can be done effectively, is by example. It can't just be thought like a subject. You actually have to BE it and LIVE it before it makes an impact on others. People will do as you do, not as you say. Things like freedom of speech, individualism etc are easy to advocate... because it often involves a clear and almost immediate benefit to one's self. Any fool would advocate something with all their heart if it benefited them. But filial piety almost always offers absolutely no tangible benefit to self. You don't gain anything at all. In fact, it inevitably involves you giving up or sacrificing something for the benefit of your parents.
Funny, because as I write this, those last few line seemed terribly familiar to other stuff I've written int he past. It seems more and more to me like filial piety ultimately points to an even bigger picture...... LOVE.
Man, I really gotta start writing about other things......
Cheers! :-)
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