For about ten minutes, I seriously thought my time to die had come today.
It was when the lights went dim and the pilot announced "Flight attendants, please take your seats for landing.." But instead of descending, the plane swerved violently and started to make a sharp dive then a sharp climb. Everyone in the plane was started. I felt an intensity of the G-Force pushing down on me as the plane seemed to climb desperately. I spontaneously let out a low groan. It seemed everyone around me felt it too. I could feel the intensity of the wind. And sitting at the back rows of the plane, the feeling of being tossed around could only have been worse.
I had been on many flights before, and this was certainly not normal. Pilots don't suddenly decide to go all roller-coaster immediately after announcing a landing. Perhaps at the very last minute before touching down, the pilot had to abort the landing due to an unexpected wind. Whatever it was, it scared me. I switched off my MP3 player and started paying attention. The little boy next to me was terrified. And his mom was trying hard to reassure her. But I could feel her mothers nervous energy. To my left, the man sitting next to me had tightened his seat belt for the third time.
I didn't know what to do. There was nothing I could do anyway. I thought of all those disaster movies, where the poor characters all are stuck on a place that's about to crash, and the hero comes up to the crowd and says "If you believe in God, now's a good time to start praying..." There was no hero in my plane, but I started praying anyway. I suddenly understood why some people were so terrified of flying. There was absolutely nothing you can do if something bad was about to happen. Your life literally depends on 3 parties; the pilot whose flying the plane, the engineer who built and maintains the plane, and most importantly, God himself who decides which wind blows your way. You just had to trust that they each would do what they promised to do; one to fly, the other to fix and the last one, to save.
So I closed my eyes and started praying. Or at least I tried to. It all came out in an incoherent mix of fear, hope and faith. What you have no time to think, the things most important to you, usually come out most naturally...
"Oh God... help us. Help us get through this safely. If its possible, not yet God, not yet. I can't die yet. My family needs me. They need me. Please God. But if I really die God.. if I really die.. then let them be OK... Please let them be OK...."
That Garth Brooks song started playing in my head.... "If tomorrow never comes, will she know how much I loved her? Is the love I gave in the past, going to be enough to last, if tomorrow never comes?" I closed my eyes and started visualizing my own funeral... with my father, mother, brother, wife, friends all standing around sobbing. Would they ever know that my dying thoughts were on them? Will they be alright? Funny that my thoughts were more on those who would survive me rather than on my own death. I kind of knew that once I was dead, that was it. In the blackness of death, a day would be a thousand years. And a thousand years would be a day. But for those who lived on, it would be weeks, months, years and decades of sadness and lost.
Hours earlier, my wife hugged me closely and said to me "Come home safely OK dear.. I can't afford to lose you." I had always brushed talked like that aside. To me, I wasn't going anywhere, anytime soon, so there was no need for such talk. But right now, sitting in a plane being tossed by the winds so easily... her worries didn't seem so unfounded after all. After about 20 minutes of circling around, waiting for the weather to subside, the pilot announced that we will be making the 'final' approach to land. The most dangerous part of a flight is often the landing. I was still recovering from the earlier failed landing attempt. I didn't like the 'final' part in his sentence. It was still raining heavily. I wondered if perhaps we should wait longer before trying again?
Needless to say, this isn't written from the great beyond, and I didn't die. The pilot landed us safely and we arrived in one piece. Although everyone did seem more eager than usual to get out of the plane. The little boy next to me was smiling again. And as for me... well, I kind of laugh at myself.. it felt as if I had gone overboard in my own thoughts (again). Perhaps I wasn't quite at the brink of death as I thought I was.
Sitting in the taxi heading to the hotel, I thought about it a bit more. It didn't really matter if I wasn't technically really going to die. Emotionally, it felt real. Emotionally, in that short ten minutes (that seemed to last an eternity), I had given the prospect of my immediate death very serious consideration. And as expected, the fear associated with it sprung out so great, I was hardly able to contain it. Had something else not sprung at the same time, I don't think I could have taken it so well. That something else was faith. While a big part of me is not ready to die, a big part of me also believes that all things are in the hands of God. If my time was indeed up, I had to trust that God knows what He's doing... and that He would take care of the ones I loved most... and that if I were meant to die today, in the grand scheme of things, it was never going to be without purpose or meaning.
So thank you God... for keeping me safe today. You answered my prayer, and you gave me one more day. I'm calling my family... to tell them I love them. Thank you for that.
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Against The Wind
I feel it somewhere deep down inside. I’m no longer the person I used to be. I’m also not the person I thought I’d turn out to be. And I no longer dare to imagine just what kind of person I will be in the future.
Have you ever tried defining yourself? Have you ever thought how highly (or lowly) your sense of self is?
I’m not so sure about things anymore. Sometimes it feels as if my confidence has been slowly but surely eroding. Slow enough for me not to realize it when it happens, but surely enough that eventually I do.
Last week was Father’s Day. I sat across my dad as we gathered for dinner, all 10 of us from both sides of the family. It was the restaurant that my father first introduced to us when we were teenagers. My brother and I were going on and on about the fond memories we had eating Indian food for the first time. He was mostly silent throughout the night. I glanced at him. I caught him looking around the table, looking at everyone, thinking something. I asked what it was. He just smiled and said nothing.
But I knew that look. It was the kind of look he had when he started feeling rather philosophical about life. I knew it well because I am like that too.
Perhaps he was trying to define himself too. Perhaps he too felt that he was no longer the person he thought he was, nor the person he thought he would be. And in that moment, I saw more of my father in myself that I ever did before. We are the product of our parents in more ways that we are willing to acknowledge.
The more I live this life, the more it feels like being placed on a current in the ocean. You can paddle and navigate through the seas, but you are still bound to the winds in the sky and currents in the sea. You learn to maneuver through it to get you where you want to go, but you also learn to accept and surrender to where it will actually bring you. And that includes the things you achieve in life, as well as the person you end up becoming.
I looked across the table at my mother. My gaze softens. I’ve always felt a special bond with her. How has her life turned out? Certainly not the way she hoped it too either. Could she ever see herself losing her husband within ten hears of marriage, living ill and alone for another fifteen before finally finding peace again? Some days when I bring her to church, she feels embarrassed to meet the friends from her youth. While many have gone on to become successful people with happy homes, here she is living the remnants of a broken marriage and mental illness. Knowing this, I think I overcompensate by being unusually protective of her when out in public, and I try hard to be a son she can be proud of.
Then I look at my own life, my wife, my marriage, my family. And I wonder… in fear… just how things will turn out. I no longer trust myself enough to be able to make things OK just by sheer will power, by sheer belief. I realize that this is not how the life works out.
The one thing that has greatly developed in me over the past year or two, is that of HOPE.
I have come to learn the delicate but unyieldinge nature of hope. Time magazine was featuring an in depth article about the science of hope. It talks about how people are often optimistic about their future. They often imagine themselves being more successful that they eventually do turn out. And the only people who predict the future to a more reasonable level of accuracy... are those who are mildly depressed. And yet, people do continue to believe they will not end up like others no matter what the statistics say. Case in point would be marriage. With divorce rates escalating everywhere..the percentage of people taking the vows believing that they will divorce is ZERO. I think it has to do with the indomitable spirit of human beings. We refuse to submit to hopelessness even in the most dire of situations. We need hope, like how we need air and water. We need hope, like how we need love and faith.
This is the place I have found myself in recent times. That air of confidence; that belief that with my talents, with my skills, with who I am, with all that I have, I will carve something for myself in this life – that has died away. In its place is a spring of hope; one that comforts me in my weakest moment, one that keeps me humble in my strongest ones, one that fuels me on as I find myself running against the wind, searching and searching again for myself.
I guess that's what I am at this moment in time... searching and searching again for myself.....against the wind... with a lot less self confidence, but with a lot more hope.
Cheers to you friend.
I began to find myself searchin'
Searching for shelter again and again
Against the wind
A little something against the wind
I found myself seeking shelter against the wind
Bob Seger - Against the Wind
Have you ever tried defining yourself? Have you ever thought how highly (or lowly) your sense of self is?
I’m not so sure about things anymore. Sometimes it feels as if my confidence has been slowly but surely eroding. Slow enough for me not to realize it when it happens, but surely enough that eventually I do.
Last week was Father’s Day. I sat across my dad as we gathered for dinner, all 10 of us from both sides of the family. It was the restaurant that my father first introduced to us when we were teenagers. My brother and I were going on and on about the fond memories we had eating Indian food for the first time. He was mostly silent throughout the night. I glanced at him. I caught him looking around the table, looking at everyone, thinking something. I asked what it was. He just smiled and said nothing.
But I knew that look. It was the kind of look he had when he started feeling rather philosophical about life. I knew it well because I am like that too.
Perhaps he was trying to define himself too. Perhaps he too felt that he was no longer the person he thought he was, nor the person he thought he would be. And in that moment, I saw more of my father in myself that I ever did before. We are the product of our parents in more ways that we are willing to acknowledge.
The more I live this life, the more it feels like being placed on a current in the ocean. You can paddle and navigate through the seas, but you are still bound to the winds in the sky and currents in the sea. You learn to maneuver through it to get you where you want to go, but you also learn to accept and surrender to where it will actually bring you. And that includes the things you achieve in life, as well as the person you end up becoming.
I looked across the table at my mother. My gaze softens. I’ve always felt a special bond with her. How has her life turned out? Certainly not the way she hoped it too either. Could she ever see herself losing her husband within ten hears of marriage, living ill and alone for another fifteen before finally finding peace again? Some days when I bring her to church, she feels embarrassed to meet the friends from her youth. While many have gone on to become successful people with happy homes, here she is living the remnants of a broken marriage and mental illness. Knowing this, I think I overcompensate by being unusually protective of her when out in public, and I try hard to be a son she can be proud of.
Then I look at my own life, my wife, my marriage, my family. And I wonder… in fear… just how things will turn out. I no longer trust myself enough to be able to make things OK just by sheer will power, by sheer belief. I realize that this is not how the life works out.
The one thing that has greatly developed in me over the past year or two, is that of HOPE.
I have come to learn the delicate but unyieldinge nature of hope. Time magazine was featuring an in depth article about the science of hope. It talks about how people are often optimistic about their future. They often imagine themselves being more successful that they eventually do turn out. And the only people who predict the future to a more reasonable level of accuracy... are those who are mildly depressed. And yet, people do continue to believe they will not end up like others no matter what the statistics say. Case in point would be marriage. With divorce rates escalating everywhere..the percentage of people taking the vows believing that they will divorce is ZERO. I think it has to do with the indomitable spirit of human beings. We refuse to submit to hopelessness even in the most dire of situations. We need hope, like how we need air and water. We need hope, like how we need love and faith.
This is the place I have found myself in recent times. That air of confidence; that belief that with my talents, with my skills, with who I am, with all that I have, I will carve something for myself in this life – that has died away. In its place is a spring of hope; one that comforts me in my weakest moment, one that keeps me humble in my strongest ones, one that fuels me on as I find myself running against the wind, searching and searching again for myself.
I guess that's what I am at this moment in time... searching and searching again for myself.....against the wind... with a lot less self confidence, but with a lot more hope.
Cheers to you friend.
I began to find myself searchin'
Searching for shelter again and again
Against the wind
A little something against the wind
I found myself seeking shelter against the wind
Bob Seger - Against the Wind
Friday, October 8, 2010
At the start of things..
“Things always look the most promising at the beginning of things.”
That IS the thing about new beginnings isn’t it. I can’t think of a time when hope shines any brighter than when at the start of things.
“When you’re at the start of things… all you can imagine when you close your eyes… is how brimming with potential everything is, how great and wonderful things are going to turn out……..”
“But then… life just sorts of… take over… and run its own course. And you find that things don’t always go the way you expect them to… things change, priorities change, PEOPLE… change… “
“Things don’t turn out the way we hope them to. We meet obstacles along the way, an detour, a delay, a change…. Somewhere along the line we always find ourselves having to accept that the things we vision in our head don’t always translate into the realities of this world
“And we sort of just thread along. We adapt, we compromise, we accept things as they are. We shrug our shoulders and say ‘Hey, life’s like that. Still gotta live right?’… And we go on.”
Sometimes I wish things could just stay the way they are right at the beginning.. full of positive vibes, full of hope, full of potential, full of promise. No compromises, no disappointment, no cold biting truth of reality that the dreams in your head often ended being just that - dreams..
That IS the thing about new beginnings isn’t it. I can’t think of a time when hope shines any brighter than when at the start of things.
“When you’re at the start of things… all you can imagine when you close your eyes… is how brimming with potential everything is, how great and wonderful things are going to turn out……..”
“But then… life just sorts of… take over… and run its own course. And you find that things don’t always go the way you expect them to… things change, priorities change, PEOPLE… change… “
“Things don’t turn out the way we hope them to. We meet obstacles along the way, an detour, a delay, a change…. Somewhere along the line we always find ourselves having to accept that the things we vision in our head don’t always translate into the realities of this world
“And we sort of just thread along. We adapt, we compromise, we accept things as they are. We shrug our shoulders and say ‘Hey, life’s like that. Still gotta live right?’… And we go on.”
Sometimes I wish things could just stay the way they are right at the beginning.. full of positive vibes, full of hope, full of potential, full of promise. No compromises, no disappointment, no cold biting truth of reality that the dreams in your head often ended being just that - dreams..
Friday, September 24, 2010
Thank You
Tonight, more than any other night
I feel peace in my heart.
There is no frown on my face,
There is no weight on my heart.
All I feel is stillness.
And a sense of clarify
No churning sea,
No stormy sky.
Just a calm, quiet lake
Serene and peaceful.
I see my reflection in it,
And it’s smiling back at me,
There’s a gladness I can’t explain.
Of having your prayers answered,
And the faintest of hopes come true.
Not of solemn endings
But promising beginnings.
The note I was given – that brought me peace.
Thank you. Thank you for what you did,
It meant much more than I dare admit.
I feel peace in my heart.
There is no frown on my face,
There is no weight on my heart.
All I feel is stillness.
And a sense of clarify
No churning sea,
No stormy sky.
Just a calm, quiet lake
Serene and peaceful.
I see my reflection in it,
And it’s smiling back at me,
There’s a gladness I can’t explain.
Of having your prayers answered,
And the faintest of hopes come true.
Not of solemn endings
But promising beginnings.
The note I was given – that brought me peace.
Thank you. Thank you for what you did,
It meant much more than I dare admit.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Hope
Hope is a strange thing.
It is such that even if something has a 90% of not happening, you cling on to that 10% that it will…. And you cling to it as if it were a 50%. Because hope means that you ignore statistics and probabilities and likelihoods and what other people tell you will happen and instead, you believe in your mind that the outcome of something can only be a yes or a no… and that means 50-50 no matter what other people say. It’s the irrationality of hope.
But hope isn’t this deep, solid, sturdy anchor that you lean on when all seems to be crumbling down. It doesn’t give you some great sense of security and protection. It doesn’t give the answers to your question. It doesn’t even give you the solutions to your problems. Instead, it’s just this tiny voice inside your head tell you “Give it one more try…. It will work out….. somehow…..” And more often than not, that tiny voice gets drowned out by worries, fears, insecurities and doubt and we end up despairing instead of hoping. It’s the fragility of hope
Yet for all its fragility, hope is a lot like one of those stubborn coffee stains on your favourite white shirt. It just refuses to go away. One of the more famous quotes about hope says that “When things are bad, we take comfort in the thought that they could always be worse. And when they do get worse, we find hope in the thought that now that things are so bad, they can only start to get better.” Such is its nature. Our hearts cling on so fiercely to hope as if life depended on it. It’s the indestructibility of hope.
Hope is the difference between a person hanging on and giving up. In war times, generals knew that the surest way to defeat your enemy was not to kill them, but demoralize them… take away their hope. A person who has nothing to hope for, has nothing to live for. And a person who has nothing to live for, has nothing to fight for. Whereas a person who has hope finds himself stronger and braver than he ever thought possible. He dares to live and dares to fight even when the odds are 9 to 1 against him because he has hope, and again, that means the odds are at least 50-50.. If our hearts were an ocean, a single drop of hope would be enough to change its colour. Hope changes everything. For as crazy, irrational and fragile as it is, its undying nature and phoenix like ability to rise over and over again from the ashes ensures that even when things are at its hardest, we continue on in hope. And therein lays the power of hope.
There is a supposedly French quote that says that “Hope is the dream of a soul awake”
So if you find yourself in a hard place in life my friend... never stop hoping, or dreaming for the matter.
It is such that even if something has a 90% of not happening, you cling on to that 10% that it will…. And you cling to it as if it were a 50%. Because hope means that you ignore statistics and probabilities and likelihoods and what other people tell you will happen and instead, you believe in your mind that the outcome of something can only be a yes or a no… and that means 50-50 no matter what other people say. It’s the irrationality of hope.
But hope isn’t this deep, solid, sturdy anchor that you lean on when all seems to be crumbling down. It doesn’t give you some great sense of security and protection. It doesn’t give the answers to your question. It doesn’t even give you the solutions to your problems. Instead, it’s just this tiny voice inside your head tell you “Give it one more try…. It will work out….. somehow…..” And more often than not, that tiny voice gets drowned out by worries, fears, insecurities and doubt and we end up despairing instead of hoping. It’s the fragility of hope
Yet for all its fragility, hope is a lot like one of those stubborn coffee stains on your favourite white shirt. It just refuses to go away. One of the more famous quotes about hope says that “When things are bad, we take comfort in the thought that they could always be worse. And when they do get worse, we find hope in the thought that now that things are so bad, they can only start to get better.” Such is its nature. Our hearts cling on so fiercely to hope as if life depended on it. It’s the indestructibility of hope.
Hope is the difference between a person hanging on and giving up. In war times, generals knew that the surest way to defeat your enemy was not to kill them, but demoralize them… take away their hope. A person who has nothing to hope for, has nothing to live for. And a person who has nothing to live for, has nothing to fight for. Whereas a person who has hope finds himself stronger and braver than he ever thought possible. He dares to live and dares to fight even when the odds are 9 to 1 against him because he has hope, and again, that means the odds are at least 50-50.. If our hearts were an ocean, a single drop of hope would be enough to change its colour. Hope changes everything. For as crazy, irrational and fragile as it is, its undying nature and phoenix like ability to rise over and over again from the ashes ensures that even when things are at its hardest, we continue on in hope. And therein lays the power of hope.
There is a supposedly French quote that says that “Hope is the dream of a soul awake”
So if you find yourself in a hard place in life my friend... never stop hoping, or dreaming for the matter.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
It Goes On
Dear You,
It’s time to pick yourself up. Everyone is entitled to scream, kick, shout, groan, whine and wail – and you have done your share. If you feel like you still haven’t done enough, go ahead and get it out of your system. Vent it all out. Don’t keep it in anymore. The longer you keep it in, the more it’s becoming a poison to your heart. I know three months ago you thought you had already moved on. But you find yourself suddenly having to do it all again. It seems you took 2 steps forward and 3 steps back. I know. But whatever point you find yourself, what matters more than where you’re at, is where you’re heading. So keep your chin up. Stop sulking and start doing something for yourself. Stop bashing yourself up all the time and learn to take care of yourself. And taking care of yourself is not the same as being selfish.
You will do the following:
Life goes on my friend… and so must you. Slowly but surely… so must you.
From
Me
It’s time to pick yourself up. Everyone is entitled to scream, kick, shout, groan, whine and wail – and you have done your share. If you feel like you still haven’t done enough, go ahead and get it out of your system. Vent it all out. Don’t keep it in anymore. The longer you keep it in, the more it’s becoming a poison to your heart. I know three months ago you thought you had already moved on. But you find yourself suddenly having to do it all again. It seems you took 2 steps forward and 3 steps back. I know. But whatever point you find yourself, what matters more than where you’re at, is where you’re heading. So keep your chin up. Stop sulking and start doing something for yourself. Stop bashing yourself up all the time and learn to take care of yourself. And taking care of yourself is not the same as being selfish.
You will do the following:
- Lose 10 pounds you big fat ass. You haven’t been pushing yourself hard enough.
- Start meeting up with your friends again. You were doing so well. Why the hell did you stop?
- That camera you’ve been waiting to get for so long? Stop whining and buy it already would you?
- Go to church. Join a care group. Meet new people.
- Drive out of town. Take a mini break. Have fun. Bring someone fun who brings out the lighter side of you.
- Stop being so intense. What happen to not taking yourself too seriously? What happened to seeing the lighter side of life? Lighten up.
- Laugh again. You used to be charming, witty and funny. People liked your dry humour and enjoyed your company. Remember, you’re still that same person.
- Stop asking yourself the meaning of life, love, destiny and all that crap too often. I think you’ve given it more than your share of thought. If you still haven’t figured it out, the best thing to do is leave it alone and come back another time. Answers come as life unfolds.
- Cut down on time spent in front of the computer. Facebook is starting to be a disease. Cut that out. Virtual reality isn’t reality. Your real friends are flesh and blood, not ‘likes’ and ‘comments’ and they are but a phone call away.
- Blogging is fine, but try writing something cheerful for a change. Share something insightful that doesn’t involve you feeling like the worlds this dark, evil gloomy place.
- Hang in there. If you’re feeling down, something it’s just a matter of holding on a bit longer.
- Remember that there are people who love you. Your fiancée. Your family. Your close friends. They love you. You can lean on them for support. You need them as much as they need you. Remember that.
- Give yourself time. You’ve seen how time heals even the deepest wounds. I know you feel it’s taking longer than it ought to, but the heart moves at its own pace. You know that. So be patient and wait. You’ll be okay.
- Let go. You don’t control your life. God does. You wrote that yourself. So now, live and trust that the future will come as it may.
- Forgive yourself. You were waiting for forgiveness from others, and now you have it. So why not take the next step? Forgive yourself. It’s okay... Set yourself free. Let go of the guilt. Moving on does not diminish the significance of the past. You have to stop thinking that.
- Do the things that you know you enjoy; evening walks in the park where birds chirp and children laugh and play; late night outs with friends chatting the night away; playing your guitar; reading a good book; good food and red wine.
Life goes on my friend… and so must you. Slowly but surely… so must you.
From
Me
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Yong Vui Kong
My heart goes out to a 20 year old boy named Yong Vui Kong tonight.
If you haven’t heard of him, it’s time you do.
Vui Kong is currently locked up in jail in Singapore. He has until the end of the month to live before being executed – for drug trafficking.
But before you start making assumptions, know this; Vui Kong is from Sabah. His father left when he was 3. His lived with his grandfather who was abusive. His mother worked 12 hours a day trying to support her 6 children. He grew up in poverty. He never stopped school when he was ten to wash cars. His salary was RM3 per day. Food was never enough and his mother alone could not make ends meet. To help, Vui Kong moved to KL, trying to earn enough money to help his mother. With no education, no ability to read, write or speak, the only jobs Vui Kong could were ones where wages were a mere possibility and beatings likelihood.
And that’s when Vui Kong met the only people who could give him any decent kind of work and paying him properly without being abused – local triads.. TAIKO. Vui Kong help his taiko sell VCD’s and collect debts… and the first time in his life, he actually had enough money to buy her mother a present for his mother’s birthday. She had been sick. But Vui Kong didn’t have a chance to give her the present.
A few days later, big brother asked Vui Kong to deliver a ‘gift’ to his friends in Singapore – with a promise of a significant reward for doing this favour. Vui Kong naively agreed. You don’t try to be smart and ask too many questions when the boss gives you a task especially one that promised a good reward. It’s not like he had a choice anyway. Doing work for Big Brother seemed to be the only decent thing he could do to make a living.
Vui Kong was arrested in Singapore. He had unknowingly carried in 47.27g of heroin. Big brother told him the packet just contained smuggled cigarettes.
And now, Vui Kong faces death.
No one disputes the laws of the country. No one disputes that he was found with drugs. But do you think Vui Kong deserves to die for this? Many do not feel so. Articles have been written, petitions have been forwarded, and pleas have been made for the Singapore President to grant clemency to this boy. Singaporeans, Malaysians, people from the international community – no one wants to see this boy die. This was not some evil drug trafficker. This was an innocent boy. Naïve and ignorant perhaps – but innocent nonetheless.
But the Singapore government has a hard task ahead. It is a country that strictly upholds it laws with no compromise. It has a job of enforcing the laws of the country and preserving its peace. Should it grant Vui Kong a pardon, they fear that the malicious Big Brother will look for more innocent boys like Vui Kong to be their drug mule. What will we do then when 10 other Vui Kong’s suddenly emerge? Grant them all a pardon too? It is these triad bosses that we all really want brought to the gallows… even the Singaporean government knows that. But instead, it is stuck with what to do about Vui Kong
We will have to wait and see if the President of Singapore Mr. SR Nathan will grant Vui Kong a pardon. I hope will all my heart that he does. Vui Kongs failure is not of his own.. but of society and humanity. His failure is our failure. His mistake is our mistake. It is our failure as a society that has brought him to this point. It is our responsibility now as society not to punish him - but save him. The law of the land must be respected and upheld. But justice without mercy is cruelty. Let us not blindly enforce our laws to the point of sacrificing our humanity.
In his months in jail, Vui Kong has come to learn the teachings of Buddhism. He has vowed to be a advocate against drug abuse and to use his own life as a testimony to others. I hope he gets his chance to fulfill those vows.
More readings here:
http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/opinion/article/a-plea-does-yong-vui-kong-deserve-to-die/
http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/yongvuikong/
http://theonlinecitizen.com/2010/05/prejudicing-a-fair-trial-the-yong-vui-kong-case/
Thursday, July 29, 2010
3 Little Wishes
You know when people celebrating their birthday and are just at the brink of blowing out the candles on their birthday cake? For some reason, everyone expects the birthday boy / girl to make a wish before that. I’ve always wonder why is that. Is it because we somehow expect that if there was any day where your wish might come true, it would be on your birthday. What about a shooting star? People say if you chance upon a shooting star, it’s a good time to make a wish. Does that also mean that if you saw a shooting star on your birthday, your wish is as good as granted?
Well, I honestly don’t remember ever seeing a shooting star ever in my life. But it is my birthday today. So by the power vested in me by the celestial powers of The-Birthday-Boy, here is a 3-in-1 wish I am asking for.
(If you’re listening God, I hope you’re taking notes)
At this very moment, I know that someone just came home from a day in hospital. Her husband just had a heart failure and she doesn’t know if he’s going to make it. Someone out there is still coming to terms with the death of their mother. Someone is still coming to terms with the death of their father. Someone out there is nursing a broken heart. Someone one there is feeling terrified about leaving home. Someone out there is missing home. I know these people personally... and I wish for them:
Strength
May they find the strength to endure what is to come. May they find within them a reservoir of strength to draw upon when life seems to suck them of all their energy. May they stand strong when the things they cherish, the people they know, the love they found, or the things they have all start falling apart. May they find in themselves strength they never recognized, power they never realized and endurance they never knew. May they know that they are far tougher than they first believe.
Courage
And if and when their strength is at an end, may they have courage; courage to drag their feet out of bed even when it feels so hard; courage to face people; courage to face new challenges; courage to go on in life; courage to pick up the pieces; courage to put one feet in front of the other even when it terrifies you because you honestly don’t know how to continue on. courage to admit that we need help; courage to admit our wrongs; courage to admit we are scared. May courage to live never leave them even as they find themselves at the end of their strength. May fear not be the end their courage, but rather the reason for it.
Hope
And may they keep in their heart, a hope that never dies. A hope for resolution; a hope for peace; a hope for life after death; a hope for a better future; a hope for a safe passage; a hope for a second chance; a hope for something better; a hope for someone better. Just like love, hope is a belief that sometimes makes no sense at all. But just like love, It is also a belief every one of us hold on to without ever letting go. Even if the flames in their heart dim to a flicker, even if life brings them to their knees, even if their hearts have been shattered a million pieces a million times over, may the unbreakable and steely presence of hope hold them together. That though they may lose their life, their loved ones, their love or their home…. they will never lose hope.
Because as much as I wish it… we all eventually run out of strength, our courage eventually fails us.. but hope… Hope does not disappoint us. Especially not when it doesn't come from within but sent from up above.
These are my wishes today as a birthday boy. May God grant them, not to me but to those who need it.
God bless you….
Well, I honestly don’t remember ever seeing a shooting star ever in my life. But it is my birthday today. So by the power vested in me by the celestial powers of The-Birthday-Boy, here is a 3-in-1 wish I am asking for.
(If you’re listening God, I hope you’re taking notes)
At this very moment, I know that someone just came home from a day in hospital. Her husband just had a heart failure and she doesn’t know if he’s going to make it. Someone out there is still coming to terms with the death of their mother. Someone is still coming to terms with the death of their father. Someone out there is nursing a broken heart. Someone one there is feeling terrified about leaving home. Someone out there is missing home. I know these people personally... and I wish for them:
Strength
May they find the strength to endure what is to come. May they find within them a reservoir of strength to draw upon when life seems to suck them of all their energy. May they stand strong when the things they cherish, the people they know, the love they found, or the things they have all start falling apart. May they find in themselves strength they never recognized, power they never realized and endurance they never knew. May they know that they are far tougher than they first believe.
Courage
And if and when their strength is at an end, may they have courage; courage to drag their feet out of bed even when it feels so hard; courage to face people; courage to face new challenges; courage to go on in life; courage to pick up the pieces; courage to put one feet in front of the other even when it terrifies you because you honestly don’t know how to continue on. courage to admit that we need help; courage to admit our wrongs; courage to admit we are scared. May courage to live never leave them even as they find themselves at the end of their strength. May fear not be the end their courage, but rather the reason for it.
Hope
And may they keep in their heart, a hope that never dies. A hope for resolution; a hope for peace; a hope for life after death; a hope for a better future; a hope for a safe passage; a hope for a second chance; a hope for something better; a hope for someone better. Just like love, hope is a belief that sometimes makes no sense at all. But just like love, It is also a belief every one of us hold on to without ever letting go. Even if the flames in their heart dim to a flicker, even if life brings them to their knees, even if their hearts have been shattered a million pieces a million times over, may the unbreakable and steely presence of hope hold them together. That though they may lose their life, their loved ones, their love or their home…. they will never lose hope.
Because as much as I wish it… we all eventually run out of strength, our courage eventually fails us.. but hope… Hope does not disappoint us. Especially not when it doesn't come from within but sent from up above.
These are my wishes today as a birthday boy. May God grant them, not to me but to those who need it.
God bless you….
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
I Want to Live...
More Free Music at MP3-Codes.com
Good morning world....
You hear that music? You hear the drums beating?
Today, that's my song.. today my heart beats to that rhythm.
A strong solid thumping that sends the blood in blood running that bit faster.
There's plenty to be upset about, there's plenty to sulk about. Last night as I tucked myself into bed, I found myself thinking about many of the major mistakes I have made in my life. Of course I call them mistakes now because of how they didn't turn out well. I wondered if I knew then what I knew now, would I have done things differently. But that's the thing - the benefit of hindsight always comes after it's too late. I wondered if I should make a few phone calls.. to explain & apologize for the things I did or didn't do. I feel asleep halfway through recollecting who and what I did a wrong against.
But when I woke up, I felt different. The rest did me a lot of good. I walked up to the window and drew the curtains wide open, allowing the sunlight to flood the room. A new day, a new hope. You can't spend your life forever pandering over the sins of the past. Respect your past, hope for your future, but live your life in the present. I decided trying to dig up old stories in attempt to apologize wasn't the way forward. I'd probably get proper closure f I did, but it'd also bring up a painful memories & hurt for all concerned. Completely unnecessary.
I showered and got dressed. Stuffed the ear phones in my head and walked out the door. I was keen to get the day started, keen to get going... keep on living, making more 'mistakes' if I had to. I scrolled down my playlist looking for a song that will get me going that would galvanize me for the rest of the day, and voila, here's The Animal Song by Savage Garden.
Cheers.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Hopeful Doubter
Someone called me a cynic once. OK, maybe more than once...
I do feel tempted to refute this claim sometimes because it implies that I'm essentially a negative person. Am I a negative person? I certainly like to think not. But I find it hard to ignore when people do say such things to me. Is that really the kind of impression I project to people? Of a cynic?
What's a cynic anyway? Someone who refuses to believe in things so simply? Someone who does not accept things at face value so easily? Someone who always ponders and doubts? If so, then YES, I'm a cynic - through and through. I do doubt a lot. I am inclined not to accept things just at face value. I do take a lot of convincing before I believe in something. But that's because once I do, I usually stick to it. That doesn't make me negative does it? I thought that's what they call pessimists.
I think there is a key difference between a cynic and a pessimist. Both are doubters. But one quietly keeps hope, while the other forsakes it.
So many mornings, I wake up preparing myself and firmly believing that certain things will not happen, certain people will not change, certain events will never come true. It's not everyday that you can live as if the whole universe will conspire to help you meet your destiny. Reality feels far less romantic than the ones you read in books. But secretly, I keep hope. Maybe today, a miracle will happen. maybe something special will come my way. Sometimes, they come in the form of an event. But more subtly in the form of someone. Something or someone that suddenly gives you renewed hope in love, life or just people in general. I do hope for that most mornings. That's what a cynic does I guess - plan for the worst, hope for the best.
Once upon a time, I embraced every word people whispered into my ear. Sweet sounding words that had so much promise and potential. I never take what people said to me lightly. It's important to me. And I cling on to them dearly, sometimes remembering them long after the speaker said it. But I realized not everyone put as much weight on their words as I thought. Some just said the things you want to hear, some were just careless, and some just naive. People don't always say what they mean. And they don't always mean what they say. I learned that the hard way. Sometimes, they think they mean it - but I know they'll change their minds about what they said later. Circumstances change, feelings change, relationships change. Very quickly, words once said with so much heart & passion are disregarded.
These days, I'd rather not hear sweet words from anyone at all. And I've made it a conscious effort not to say too much too soon to anyone, however natural, however true they feel at the time. Enough hearts have been broken over words carelessly spoken. I don't want anymore on my account. Hurts too much.
If I really am a cynic, then this is yet another thing now added onto my list of cynical beliefs. I've lost a lot faith in the spoken word - especially those spoken by people whose lips move too soon & heart change too quick. More often then not, I find it hard to believe that they mean what they say. 90% of me really doubts. But 10% hopes... and strangely, in the realm of the heart, 10% of hope still aces 90% of doubt. That's how you end up giving people the benefit of the doubt. You know 9 of 10 will break your heart. But you're actually looking for the 10th guy.
Cynic you say? More like hopeful doubter.
I do feel tempted to refute this claim sometimes because it implies that I'm essentially a negative person. Am I a negative person? I certainly like to think not. But I find it hard to ignore when people do say such things to me. Is that really the kind of impression I project to people? Of a cynic?
What's a cynic anyway? Someone who refuses to believe in things so simply? Someone who does not accept things at face value so easily? Someone who always ponders and doubts? If so, then YES, I'm a cynic - through and through. I do doubt a lot. I am inclined not to accept things just at face value. I do take a lot of convincing before I believe in something. But that's because once I do, I usually stick to it. That doesn't make me negative does it? I thought that's what they call pessimists.
I think there is a key difference between a cynic and a pessimist. Both are doubters. But one quietly keeps hope, while the other forsakes it.
So many mornings, I wake up preparing myself and firmly believing that certain things will not happen, certain people will not change, certain events will never come true. It's not everyday that you can live as if the whole universe will conspire to help you meet your destiny. Reality feels far less romantic than the ones you read in books. But secretly, I keep hope. Maybe today, a miracle will happen. maybe something special will come my way. Sometimes, they come in the form of an event. But more subtly in the form of someone. Something or someone that suddenly gives you renewed hope in love, life or just people in general. I do hope for that most mornings. That's what a cynic does I guess - plan for the worst, hope for the best.
Once upon a time, I embraced every word people whispered into my ear. Sweet sounding words that had so much promise and potential. I never take what people said to me lightly. It's important to me. And I cling on to them dearly, sometimes remembering them long after the speaker said it. But I realized not everyone put as much weight on their words as I thought. Some just said the things you want to hear, some were just careless, and some just naive. People don't always say what they mean. And they don't always mean what they say. I learned that the hard way. Sometimes, they think they mean it - but I know they'll change their minds about what they said later. Circumstances change, feelings change, relationships change. Very quickly, words once said with so much heart & passion are disregarded.
These days, I'd rather not hear sweet words from anyone at all. And I've made it a conscious effort not to say too much too soon to anyone, however natural, however true they feel at the time. Enough hearts have been broken over words carelessly spoken. I don't want anymore on my account. Hurts too much.
If I really am a cynic, then this is yet another thing now added onto my list of cynical beliefs. I've lost a lot faith in the spoken word - especially those spoken by people whose lips move too soon & heart change too quick. More often then not, I find it hard to believe that they mean what they say. 90% of me really doubts. But 10% hopes... and strangely, in the realm of the heart, 10% of hope still aces 90% of doubt. That's how you end up giving people the benefit of the doubt. You know 9 of 10 will break your heart. But you're actually looking for the 10th guy.
Cynic you say? More like hopeful doubter.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Early Birds Catch More Than Just The Worm...
I've been thinking....
Yes, yes, I know I'm ALWAYS thinking. But I thought of something new today.
Woke up early to go for jog in the park this morning. The sun was already up, and the sky was just the way I loved it; clear and blue. I could hear birds chirping away in the trees... and I actually saw a squirrel. This might not seem like such a big deal to people, but hey, for a city dweller like me who spends most of his life in air conditioned rooms and office buildings, anything other than a dog or a cat (or rat) is practically considered 'wildlife'....
I've always been more of a night owl, not much of a morning person. I often spend my mornings sleeping away, or wishing I was sleeping. To me, the best way to spend your morning is to be warmly snuggled up in bed underneath your blanket, and when available, with someone next to you for you to say good morning to, wrestle around and laze in bed with. THAT's my perfect morning. But since those sort of days aren't coming my way anytime soon, I started re-evaluating just how I'm spending my mornings (and nights). The only times I wake up willingly, is when I'm having breakfast with someone. Food and companionship are pretty powerful motivators.
Night time have always been my preferred time of day (or is that night?). I think it's something about the stillness of night that makes me a bit more at peace. And to a certain extent, the cover of darkness somehow makes me feel free... and thus more alive. Night times are also the times when my deepest and darkest thoughts manifest itself in me, everything from the deranged to the depressing. Night times are often when I look back on my day (and my life) and start reflecting the things that was and is. I guess the night just fits my mood of being contemplative and wistful.
It's usually on the eve of new year, at night, that people think back on the year that has been as they sing auld lang syne with tingles of happiness and sadness. In the morning, as the wake up, they stop thinking about yesteryear... and a feeling getting a fresh start or a clean sheet engulfs them. That's why people make new years resolutions. Given the chance, everyone wants to be able to wipe away all the screw ups they've made and start anew. The morning of new year is about the hope of a better year ahead.
And that was how I was feeling this morning... HOPEFUL, for a good many things. Hope for myself, hope for people I cared about..... You feel hopeful when you really want certain things in your life , but you recognize that sometimes, things are beyond your control, no matter how much you try, no matter how badly you want them. Life is part your effort, part fate. And so you surrender the outcome of things to God, the Universe or Karma whatever it is you believe.... and wish with all your heart that the outcome that is fated, is the one you desire in your heart.
There were one or two 'happiness' quotes that that I left out the last time. I thought about one this morning:
Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for. ~Joseph Addison
It was the most practical one of the hundreds of quotes I read. Seeing a clear blue sky, watching the sun rise, and knowing that the day lay ahead of me, with countless possibilities, made me feel hopeful. And if having something to hope for was one of the 3 grand essentials to be happy... I wanted to keep hope in my heart, for as long as there was something to hope on.
If spending my waking hours in the mornings promised more hope than all the nights of contemplation ever can, if being a morning person meant being a more hope-filled and thus happier person, then a morning person I will become than.
Yes, yes, I know I'm ALWAYS thinking. But I thought of something new today.
Woke up early to go for jog in the park this morning. The sun was already up, and the sky was just the way I loved it; clear and blue. I could hear birds chirping away in the trees... and I actually saw a squirrel. This might not seem like such a big deal to people, but hey, for a city dweller like me who spends most of his life in air conditioned rooms and office buildings, anything other than a dog or a cat (or rat) is practically considered 'wildlife'....
I've always been more of a night owl, not much of a morning person. I often spend my mornings sleeping away, or wishing I was sleeping. To me, the best way to spend your morning is to be warmly snuggled up in bed underneath your blanket, and when available, with someone next to you for you to say good morning to, wrestle around and laze in bed with. THAT's my perfect morning. But since those sort of days aren't coming my way anytime soon, I started re-evaluating just how I'm spending my mornings (and nights). The only times I wake up willingly, is when I'm having breakfast with someone. Food and companionship are pretty powerful motivators.
Night time have always been my preferred time of day (or is that night?). I think it's something about the stillness of night that makes me a bit more at peace. And to a certain extent, the cover of darkness somehow makes me feel free... and thus more alive. Night times are also the times when my deepest and darkest thoughts manifest itself in me, everything from the deranged to the depressing. Night times are often when I look back on my day (and my life) and start reflecting the things that was and is. I guess the night just fits my mood of being contemplative and wistful.
It's usually on the eve of new year, at night, that people think back on the year that has been as they sing auld lang syne with tingles of happiness and sadness. In the morning, as the wake up, they stop thinking about yesteryear... and a feeling getting a fresh start or a clean sheet engulfs them. That's why people make new years resolutions. Given the chance, everyone wants to be able to wipe away all the screw ups they've made and start anew. The morning of new year is about the hope of a better year ahead.
And that was how I was feeling this morning... HOPEFUL, for a good many things. Hope for myself, hope for people I cared about..... You feel hopeful when you really want certain things in your life , but you recognize that sometimes, things are beyond your control, no matter how much you try, no matter how badly you want them. Life is part your effort, part fate. And so you surrender the outcome of things to God, the Universe or Karma whatever it is you believe.... and wish with all your heart that the outcome that is fated, is the one you desire in your heart.
There were one or two 'happiness' quotes that that I left out the last time. I thought about one this morning:
Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for. ~Joseph Addison
It was the most practical one of the hundreds of quotes I read. Seeing a clear blue sky, watching the sun rise, and knowing that the day lay ahead of me, with countless possibilities, made me feel hopeful. And if having something to hope for was one of the 3 grand essentials to be happy... I wanted to keep hope in my heart, for as long as there was something to hope on.
If spending my waking hours in the mornings promised more hope than all the nights of contemplation ever can, if being a morning person meant being a more hope-filled and thus happier person, then a morning person I will become than.
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