Vibe of the City

You know, there are quite a few things about Singapore that tend to annoy me. Everything looks, feel and taste the same; there are way too many rules for every freaking thing; there’s always a queue to join day or night, and every bloody thing cost money, money & more money... just to name a few.

But I must admit, there is a certain energy about this place. An invisible pulse that gives a subtle urgency to everything. It’s in the pace of the streets, the sound of the air. You feel the rush, you feel the chase. It spurs something in you and makes your heart race that bit faster. The city drives you; it makes you want & almost need to run the race. And not just run, but run.. and WIN.

It’s the vibe of the city - the vibe of Singapore.

ASS (Abbreviations on Singapore Side)

I’m starting to suspect Singapore has a love affair with acronyms / abbreviations.

For starters, all the highways here are in three letter acronyms. There’s the AYE, PIE or CTE (SLE), BKE, KJE, KPE, MCE, TPE, etc etc. How do you ever listen to traffic reports? To buy a car you need something called a COE and pay for ERP, else you’re stuck with the MRT. Bus services are under SBS. You can fly in by SIA airlines. Work permits are applied through the MOM. The local town council is JTC, apartments are managed by the HDB. Other government ministries include the PUB, CPF, MOH, CWO, EDB, MCB, just to name a few! Universities here include NUS, NTU & SMU which I assume are all under the MOE. Interestingly, they originally wanted to name NTU as Nanyang University of Technology...but decided against it because the abbreviation would have been NUT. Unfortunately, Anderson Secondary School had no choice but to stick with ASS.(hahaha)....   For banking, there’s DBS, OCBC, OUB…. If you’re sick, drop by the NUH or SGH. Where I work, projects & facilities are known best by their acronyms like SOP, PAC, SAR, SPT. But before you attend that, you need to attend SIC/SOC courses conducted by the NTUC.

AND.. to top it off… you buy stuff using your NETS card, and everything you buy has GST!!

Here's one for you. WTF?

You want the full list? Check it out here.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Singapore_abbreviations

Here's to the Night

Here's to the nights

We felt alive

Here's to the tears

You knew you'd cry

Here's to goodbye

Tomorrow's gonna come too soon

Here's a toast

To all those who hear me all too well

Uncovering Audio Diamond VII

More Free Music at MP3-Codes.com

I'm not a Bushman, I'm not Australian.. but I sure love this track Waltzing Matilda by Tommy Emmanuel (Australian!) & Chet Atkins... which I later found out was the unofficial 'national anthem' of Australia. You can read about it here. If you watched the movie Australia starring Hugh Jackman and Nicole Kidman (both Australians mind you), the song is played in the opening credits, albeit in a slower, more traditional orchestra style. This is the most awesome and catchy version I've heard so far.... and get this.. It's a GUITAR DUET.. How cool is that eh? 

Most days, I suspect I'm the only one in the entire country who listens to this particular track.. Most people I know don't even know who Tommy Emmanuel is, or the late Chet Atkins for the matter.

Also, I'm starting to wonder if anyone else listens to bits & pieces of country, instrumental, techno, trance pop, religious, jazz, bossa nova, oldies, mandarin & japanese songs like I do.


I'm thinking.... IM WEIRDER THAN I THOUGHT.

Fortunately, I don't listen to rap music. :-S

A Glimpse of Heaven on Earth

 People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don't even recognize: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes of a child - our own two eyes. All is a miracle.

~ Thich Nhat Hanh

 
When was the last time you stopped to stare at the sky?

When I was younger, I used to spend hours staring at the sky, looking at the shapes of the clouds. It was always fascinating. The longer you stared, the more you could see it taking the shape of things you knew like maybe a horse, a dog, a butterfly or even a face. And as the wind blew and the bus I was in moved along, so would the clouds change in shape, forming a new sort of image all the time. Almost anything could appear in the sky and it was governed only by my imagination. For some reason, I could do this for hours on end, usually on those long bus rides alone up north to go see my mother.

But the bus rides got lesser, and I think maybe my sense of imagination slowed down considerably…. And I stopped looking at the sky. I didn’t look up anymore. And I didn’t for a good many years. Somehow, it had stopped fascinating me. Maybe it’s because I started living in the city with no clear skyline. Maybe it’s because I grew up and no longer marveled at life’s simplicities. This realization made me a bit sad. When did I start to forget how to appreciate these simple beauties of life? Wind chimes no longer enchant me; I don’t poke on the morning dews on leaves anymore; and touching the leaves of pokok semalu (a.k.a sleeping plant) and watching it close no longer makes me jump with excitement. I knew it was the same sky, same kind of dew, same plant, just a different me.

I do know it’s inevitable that we all grow out of looking at the world with fresh eyes. We all grow up, we all lose our innocence, and we all stop experiencing life with wide eyed wonder.

But I try to look up more often these days. I don’t want to stop marveling at life’s beauty, however simple, however common. I've been trying to make it a point to consciously take note of how the sky looked each and every day and appreciate it for what it is. Some days, it’s bright and sunny, some days it’s cold and cloudy, but some days when I’m lucky, when the sun is at an angle and the cloud is just clearing, I catch a glimpse of what I’d like to imagine heaven looks like. It is literally like looking at heaven on earth. When you think about it that way, you really marvel at the majesty of God.

It’s amazing how I ever forgot that.

Distance Doesn't Matter...

I’ve been thinking a lot about distance; thinking it, feeling it, trying to understand it.

Relationships, friendships, bonds, connections..…… everyone talks about how distance kills the bonds people share with each other. We’ve all heard countless stories of long distance relationships doomed to failure, friends drifting apart and old pals fast forgotten.

Is it really true? Is distance really the relationship slayer everyone says it is?

If it is, how is possible then that I have known people who have fallen in love and gone on to marry people they got to know from thousands of miles away? How is it possible that some of us feel closer to friends sitting on the other side of the ocean than the ones sitting across town? How is it possible that we take time to meet and bond with people who are around no more than a few times a year than we do people who are there all year round?

In these modern times, people call, text, Skype, chat, Facebook, tweet, type emails, send postcards and even write letters to one another to keep up and nurture the bonds of love and friendship. It’s more convenient now than ever before to keep in touch. But at the core of it, this has got NOTHING to do with the physical distance, and even lesser with the technology. Technology buys you the convenience, but not the time. It gives you the means, but not the will to act.

Just look at how we are with people who are within reachable distance of us.

Have you ever found yourself rejecting an invitation for coffee or dinner with someone, anyone, because you thought the 30 minute drive across town is ‘damn far’ and the traffic jam is just ‘damn crazy’? Have you found yourself being ‘too busy’ to meet someone because your favourite show was on TV that night or some other vague random thingy you know you were going to do? Or maybe, we were just too tired from a long days work and need to go back home to rest, but not before a few hours of Facebook and Youtube?

And yet other times, we magically find the time, energy and money to go out late nights, morning breakfast’s, coffee breaks and even short holidays when the occasion calls for it.

Personally,  I believe distance doesn't matter; only your heart; only your desire. If there is a desire, you WILL bridge the gap. If there is a desire, you WILL defy the oceans. When you have the heart for it, nothing is impossible. And sadly, when we don’t, everything’s an obstacle. Distance becomes nothing than a river you build your bridge over to reach out to the ones you love. But when you don't, it becomes a good excuse why you don’t.

I'm not saying distance does not make a difference at all.. It does…. a lot. We always crave for a physical affirmation of an emotional bond; the stronger the bond, the stronger the crave. That’ why we all feel the need to pat each other on the back, hug, shake hands, kiss, and most simply, be around one another.

But it’s not really the physical distance you should really worry about. That’s easy to bridge. It’s the emotional distance; the detachment you feel in your heart towards people, regardless of where they are. Think about it.

“I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, Even over the longest distance. 

Same goes for true love.”

Unknown

“Time or distance cannot touch the friendship of the heart.”

Unknown

“Though miles may lie between us, we're never far apart, for friendship doesn't count the miles, it's measured by the heart.”

Unknown

Beware of Retarded Subsidies -1st May 2010

I read this in the news just a few days ago:

New Fuel Subsidy Plans Beginning 1st May'2010

I couldn't help but feel a bit annoyed at the whole idea. Sounds completely stupid if you ask me.

Fist of all, other than the obvious congestion problems already pointed out in the report, those brilliant buggers in the government propose that everyone use their MyKad to buy petrol. Everyone has to register their MyKad to the car they drive. The logic being that if you're a rich dude, you won't get subsidized. If you're not so rich, then OK, you get petrol at RM1.90/litre.

Let me give you 3 reasons why this is retarded.


#1 The MyKad is the cheapest, crappiest piece of plastic ever be produced by the government. Take your MyKad out and give it a bend. MRT cards in Singapore are better made than our Mykads I tell you. And what about the microchip? Mine failed for no good reason, and couldn't be read in banks, immigration checkpoints or even ATM machines. It's poorly made by some cheapo manufacturer that the government designated. No one ever uses their MyKad as a TnG, ATM facility or driving license because they know it's UNRELIABLE. And now we're supposed to buy petrol with it? So if my MyKad fails (again), do I need to take the bus?

#2 Rich people are smart. They don't pump their own petrol. Their drivers do. AND, they probably don't own the car directly. They do either through a holding company or something. Who's MyKad are you swapping at the petrol kiosk? Ever thought of that yet? What if the driver is a low income guy driving a big car owned by his boss? What if someone's driving their dad's car? Will the subsidy be linked to the drivers income, the car owners income or the car capacity? And how do you prevent the person qualified for a subsidy from driving his rich boss / brother / neighbour's car to pump it up for them, and earn a small commission? What if a rich guy buys a small car in his own name, but pumps into his limo owned by the company (that he owns). HMMMM???

#3 Your economic status is free for all to read. If the MyKad can be used by the Petrol Station to identify your income tier, doesn't that automatically give them a database of names and income range? Where is this information coming from? The income tax department? The bank? Do we really want people to know how much we earn? Isn't that strictly confidential? And what about the traffic police who stops you for jumping the red light? Will HE get to know how much you earn once he asks for your MyKad? And we all know what can happen if Mr. Traffic Officer knows you have a generous income. People get thirsty for coffee.

And those are just some reasons at the top of my head. Imagine how long this list will be if people actually sat down and thought this through properly. But I guess that's something our government hasn't had time to do, what will all this important developments on sodomy trials, 'Allah' issues and debates on whether Beyonce should be allowed to perform here. It's funny how the papers report lurid details of Anwar Ibrahims alleged homosexual rendezvous, down the the brand of the undies worn, but won't even reveal the name of the government political secretary that was caught red handed with 2 million dollars cash in his apartment.

If the issue is smuggling of petrol out of the country, why can't we step up the border control across Thailand to prevent smuggling? Limit the percentage of petrol Thai vehicles can carry in their tanks going out the country, just like in Singapore. We don't need some sophisticated subsidy system at the pump, just for the immigration borders to do their job better. Beef up the guards along the border. We have a military right? Last I checked, Malaysia wasn't in any war, so I'm pretty sure them soldiers could spare a bit of time guarding our border. Oh wait.. they can't. They're busy selling off our jet engines in Uruguay.

If the issue is about ensuring subsidy only for the poor, then gradually cut back on the subsidies across the country. Everyone buys it at the same price. There are something called receipts right? Receipts can be tied explicitly to each car, not the driver. Let the owner of the car file in their petrol receipts yearly or quarterly to the tax department to receive a cash back in lieu of their eligibility for subsidy. That way, those who can afford it will not receive it, and those who need it WILL.

It's probably not perfect, but doesn't something along those lines sound a bit more logical at least?

The government keeps talking about how they want to prevent non deserving people or foreigners from receiving subsidies on petrol. It is after all the tax payers money and should be spent wisely. Spent wisely, I agree. But implemented stupidly? I don't. If this proposal goes through, are they going to set up a nation wide electronic system to monitor petrol buyers which would cost millions? And WHO I might ask will be the beneficiary of such a contract to implement this? HMMM??

1Malaysia Boleh...... macam macam pun boleh la...

Consider yourselves warned people.

:-S

The Paradox of our Time

I read something that totally tugged at me today, and just thought I'd share it with here. It's an essay called The Paradox of Out Time written by a Dr. Bob Moorehead it seems... and I dunno about you, but I just thought it was nothing short of brilliant. Here it is, with highlights on points I particularly like. Hope you enjoy it.

*******************

The Paradox of our Time!

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints; we spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy it less.

We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time; we have more degrees, but less sense; more knowledge, but less judgment; more experts, but more problems; more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get angry too quickly, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too seldom, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life; we've added years to life, not life to years.

We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor. We've conquered outer space, but not inner space; we've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul; we've split the atom, but not our prejudice.

We write more, but learn less; we plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait; we have higher incomes, but lower morals; we have more food, but less appeasement; we build more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever, but have less communication; we've become long on quantity, but short on quality.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion; tall men, and short character; steep profits, and shallow relationships. These are the times of world peace, but domestic warfare; more leisure, but less fun; more kinds of food, but less nutrition.

These are days of two incomes, but more divorce; of fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throw away morality, one-night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer to quiet to kill.

It is a time when there is much in the show window and nothing in the stockroom; a time when technology has brought this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to make a difference, or to just hit delete...

*******************

I don't need much

 

Some days, all I want to do, 

is sit on soft grass by the water, 

feel the coolness of the evening breeze, 

smell the fresh scent of grass and earth,

and watch the sky change from hues of blue to orange,

as the sun goes down the horizon. 

I don't need much in this life.

Just something to do, 

Someone to love, 

And moments to cherish.

Up

I just watched Up from Pixar.I watched it at home in my room. And sitting there alone, with no one around, there came a few moments in the movie that truly touched my heart, that kind of shook me.

I looked at the guy Carl and how he loved Ellie, and I could feel what he felt. The same way I read about Eddie and how he loved Marguerite, and understood first hand how he felt.

So much so, tears started rolling down my cheek.


Damn.

I'm a mess.

I gotta stop watching cartoons.

Waffles & Soul Mates.

Dear friend,

There’s so much I wish I could say. There’s so much I wish I could tell. There are in fact, so many things about me you don’t know; so many other thoughts I have that you never hear.

I’ve lived my life in such a guarded way. I instinctively shield certain information from certain people. Information I deem not suitable for ears and minds like yours. I hide these information, not because you are unworthy of such knowledge, but because I’m afraid. Afraid of what you’d think of me after.

It’s not just with you, but with practically everyone who knows me. EVERYONE. There is no one on the face of the earth who knows everything about me. There has always been something, some thought, some aspect of my life that different people don’t know about. Some people know this, but not that. Some people know that, but not this. Different people seem to end up knowing different things about me.

I realized at some point in my life that I was some sort of perpetually tormented / conflicted soul. A lot of contradicting feelings and thoughts flowed through me all the time. There are days when I have nothing but the purest and noblest of intentions, and there are days when my mind is so twisted, you’d be left with mouth wide open if I told you. And the thing is, both this noble, sweet, gentleman of a guy, and this other unknown devil, they are both me. It’s still me… just different shades of me that co-exist in the same mind. Many times, I fear that if I were to reveal and show all the shades of my personality to people, they would not be able to handle it. And mainly, I felt like it would just confuse them. Ambiguity was not something a lot of people neither knew how to handle nor could accept. In the eyes of people, someone was either good, or bad, had it together or messed up, confused or on a straight path. There was little space for in between. But the thing with me is, I often feel like I was all of the above… if that makes any sort of sense at all.

And so create these neat little partitions of information, like the squares on your waffles, to be shared with different groups of people. The church goers got this much, the family that much, friends this, and bloggers that. Everyone knew enough to know who I am and what I’m about, but only on one front, only on one level. It makes for a rather lonely existence; knowing that there isn’t a soul on this earth that knows you for what you are in its entirety. I think I did it not just to avoid confusion with people, but also to protect myself. There wasn’t one person who knew everything about me because if there was, that person would wield an unbelievable amount of power over me, because of what they knew. And I guess it’s instinctive for me to protect myself against that.

It’s been hard for me finding someone I thought had the capacity to accept all the different shades of my personality, the kindness not to misuse that knowledge and the heart to love me anyway. I guess that would be the closest I’d ever find to what people like calling a soul mate. Someone I could share everything with with no fear or repercussions or lash backs. Does such a person even exist?

But I also realized that people didn’t always need to know everything about me before loving me, and that was a source of comfort. I might never be fully understood, but at least I could still be loved. And yet I questioned even that. Did people love and like me only because I’ve managed to portray such an outstanding picture? Would you still think me so wonderful if you really knew it all? A question I’ve asked myself countless times; a question I’d rather remain unanswered than risk the relationships I have now. Because if I had to choose between the two, I think I’d rather be loved than be understood.

Sincerely,
Me

What a Wonderful World

More Free Music at MP3-Codes.com

We just sat in silence as I drove aimlessly around the neighbourhood. There really wasn't anything to say, and no place we really needed to be. I just felt like escaping a while; the house; the heat. It was also the one of those days when I felt like I needed time out to gather my thoughts once more.

I smile as I looked at my mother humming along to Louis Armstrong singing What A Wonderful World. I sang along......

I see trees of green, red roses too
I see them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

"I don't know what's wrong with your second son. Even old people don't listen to oldies, and here I am singing it word for word." I said to her and she laughed.

There's something almost therapeutic about driving. I loved the fact that the roads were so empty. I could cruise from place to place so effortlessly where there would normally be 20 other cars waiting in line. It was bloody hot Chinese New Year again.. as it always is every year. Well, the sky was blue and the sun was shining... I guess that's always a good thing.


I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

A hundred and one random thoughts occupied my mind. Most of them, totally unrelated to another. It was the year of the tiger, so how come everyone's pigging out on snacks? IS there an explanation why CNY is so bloody hot? Am I really so picky when it comes to friends? Can you believe how hard it really is to find yourself someone you can genuinely care about and know for a fact that they care for you in the same way too? How come no one else knows that song The Rainbow Connection? How come no one my age listens to Bossa Nova music? Could I really settle in a place like Melbourne? Who are my real friends? How many friends do I really need? Are barriers a sign that you need to go the extra mile, or is it a sign that things just aren't meant to be?

The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shaking hands saying how do you do
They're really saying I love you.

Why is it so hard to say "I love you"? Why are people so guarded when it comes to love? If Valentines day was all about love, how come only couples celebrate it? Why must we always narrow love down to the romantic kind? Can't people who aren't lovers love each other too in it's purest sense? Isn't it possible to love someone with all your heart without being IN love with that person? Isn't it beautiful how the song sings about friends shaking hands saying how do you do... only to really mean "I Love You"? Has that sort of love gone extinct? Why have we reserved love only for lovers and not our friends? Why has society diminished love from a universal force that binds us all together to something exclusive shared with some but not with others?

I hear babies crying, I watch them grow
They'll learn much more than I'll never know
And I think to myself what a wonderful world
Yes I think to myself what a wonderful world. 

We passed by an old office where my father used to work. I remembered coming here as a kid. "Don't you think time flies ma? Yesterday, we were just kids needing to be taken care of. You were the ones working. Now, it's us working. Who knows, years from now, I'll be bringing kids of my own out here, recalling how I was here with their grandmother today." I said out loud with a wink. My mother smiled. It's amazing how things change. They happen bit by bit so that you never notice. But one day, you wake up and realize that so much has changed right under your nose. You ask yourself where did all the years go? You could have sworn it felt just like yesterday that you yourself turned 18.

It made me cherish things a bit more. Some things, some people stood the test of time. They remain with you for a long time... and you learn to hold on lovingly but firmly to these things and these people. They give you your footing. They provide comfort and strength that as constant as change is, some things remain by your side. Not everything was as fleeting as the sunset. But some things ARE fleeting. Some people aren't meant to be be there all the time. Many things in life we wished we had more of. Many things in life we wished didn't have to end, and yet they do. But we cannot begrudge what cannot remain. We learn to hold gently. We learn to savour the beauty of the moment. Then, we learn.... to let go. The part we struggle with most of the time is telling one from the other.

"What do you want to do now ma?" I finally asked... having explored every unknown route there was around that neighbourhood... and feeling like I had quite enough of 'thought gathering'

"How about a root beer.... with ice cream. That's be nice" she replied. She always wanted root beer, I didn't exactly know why. But come to think of it, we did spent a good many years of my childhood in that particular A&W outlet. It was my favourite place in the whole world on Sundays, mainly because the big bear mascot would come give us kids a hug. Going back to that place as an adult these days reminds me how it isn't always the things around us that are constantly changing. Sometimes, its us.

I smiled again. "Yes.. that would be nice ma."

All the Fuss

Have you been driving lots of water?
Yes.

Enough rest?
Yes.

Plenty of vitamin C?
Yes.

Can I eat that?
No. Heaty.

What about this fried thingy?
Absolutely... NOT.

What about the coffee then? That looks good.
OK. I'll let you have a sip. But just a sip OK?

I was being told what I can and cannot do... but I wasn't about to complain.

"You see la... overwork yourself some more la. See now, sick already."

I gave a sheepish smile. It was exactly the kind of nag you'd hear from a mother/sister/wife/girlfriend who was too proud to get all soft on you and comfort you, but still needed to show that they cared enough to make a fuss over it.

"I've been resting, I've been resting!" I respond as I sip my cup of hot chocolate. She didn't allow me to order coffee, but I guess that was OK. 

I had been sleeping practically non stop for the past few days. My body ached everywhere, I had fever, sore throat, cough, a blocked nose and absolutely no appetite. Happy Chinese new Year indeed. By the third day, I decided I needed to get out of the house, even if I was still a bit under the weather. I'll be damned if I spent my entire holiday sitting at home getting well only to recover in time to go to WORK. So out for coffee it was... with as-good-as-a-sister of mine who had been checking on me to see if I was recovering. She had been constantly hounding me to see a doctor, drink plenty of water and take medication. I absolutely resisted going to see a doctor, so the least I could do was make an appearance to show that I was recovering well.

This was the most fuss anyone had made over me for the past 3 days.....come to think of it.. the most fuss anyone has made over me in 3 months. Very honestly, I enjoyed being fussed over at times like this. Being sick is the one time I feel like I deserved to be fussed over without needing to feel guilty. In some ways, I like to think that if someone fusses over me, it means that they care about me, and that I mean something to them. Otherwise, why would they bother?

I guess I kinda miss that. Feeling like I mean something to someone.

Uncovering Audio Diamonds VI

More Free Music at MP3-Codes.com

***************************************

I hate the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I can't change
tried to tell you but you look at me like maybe I'm an angel underneath
innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
You must have been relieved to see the softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
all rolled into one


Chorus:
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your health, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way


So take me as I am
This may mean you'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that when I start to make you nervous
and I'm going to extremes
tomorrow I will change
and today won't mean a thing


Chorus


Just when you think you've got me figured out
the season's already changing
I think it's cool you do what you do
and don't try to save me


Chorus


I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
when you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numbed, I'm revived
can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way

This song is practically another one of those anthems for women, alongside songs like Respect and I Will Survive. Don't tell anyone, but this is one of those song I actually secretly enjoy but would never be caught dead singing along to. It's just kinda weird I guess singing it as a guy.

This song reminds me of quite a few women I know. Wait, let me correct that.. this song reminds me of ALL the women I know. And it also reminds me why men are perpetually confused when it comes to women. I've been trying for ages to figure them out. But sadly, I'm more lost in the woods now than ever before. I think there is no figuring them out. One day, they're this strong, tough level headed person, the other they are this fragile, vulnerable emotional wreck. Some days, they are absolutely sweet and lovely, eager to be pampered, and other days they turn into either the white witch from Narnia, or some fire breathing dragon spawned straight from hell. When you think you're threading on solid ground, you're really walking through a mine field. And when you think you're threading on egg shells, you find out later it was all unnecessary.

But the MOST baffling part of it all is actually this: Men know they wouldn't want it any other way. We are totally confused, totally baffled... but I guess that's half the reason we are so attract to women... they are so UNLIKE us... Women know this. In fact, they know it so well, this particular woman wrote it into this song. 

Talk about wicked.

It's hard not to hate you and love you at the same time woman.

Happy Chinese New Year 2010

Many people around my age lived through our teenage years watching Petronas commercial such as above. Kind of like how advertisements were some of the memorable things Americans during the Super Bowl, watching a Petronas commercial nearing festive seasons or national holidays have become part and partial of the festive experience here. Most of it never ceased to touch the hearts of the people, often emphasizing & reminding us of our core values that make living in Malaysia such a rich and beautiful experience. I guess we owe a lot to Yasmin Ahmad, who was behind many of these advertisements. Most of her stories were simple in nature, yet they often manage to transcend the heart and cut through our defenses, reminding us what being human beings, and being Malaysia should really be about.

I watched all the Chinese New Year commercial that Petronas made over the past 10 years... and the theme have always and ever been the same; filial piety. I know I've written about it before.. but here I go again.

Everyone understands what it means to love and honour your parents. And I guess to many people will have no problem understanding the message in this short video. What I wonder is if those of you out there who aren't chinese really understand why this really hits home for Chinese folk. Even among my Chinese friends, I suspect many of us English speaking / educated ones do not formally know it's significance. But gladly, I think the folks who made these commercials didn't fail to miss it. It sure wasn't by accident that for 10 years running, almost all the advertisement were about parents / old folks and the reunion dinner.

There are a hundred and one different values the chinese of ancient days embraced.. industriousness, hard work, honestly, courtesy, but the first and most important virtue was still Filial Piety. So important was it that they even became law in some dynasties. It was practically a crime not to honour your parents. THAT's why the advertisements have been the same all these years, and THAT's why it never fails to hit home to many of us chinese folk. It's considered the epitome of Chinese culture. Kind of like how loving God and loving your neighbour is the epitome of the Christian faith.

Subconsciously, many Malaysian Chinese pride themselves on being intelligent and capable people who not only equal, but exceed the achievements of our majority fellow citizens despite being given no favours by the government. The fact they hold the a bigger share of the country's wealth despite the smaller numbers is a source of unspoken pride. And many Chinese subconsciously work hard to maintain this edge even till today..... by working hard, chasing the dollar. We hold in high regard the industriousness of hard working people, unafraid to 吃苦.... literally translated... EAT BITTER... meaning unafraid of hardship.


I think in some ways, we've carried this a bit too far, almost putting aside the very first virtue of filial piety. And what better time to be reminded of it than on the eve of the reunion dinner; a time when family are expected to gather around one another in love and fellowship. A time when all the industrious, successful, money chasing children return to their roots and pay respects to their parents, not with their money, but with their presence. A lesson they themselves need to teach their children one day.


Anyway, I won't go on and on anymore. Happy Chinese New Year to those who are celebrating it. I'd wish you Gong Xi Fa Chai.... but I think we need to start looking at higher things rather than just money... So go be with your family and loved ones this around k. Sometimes, when the chips are down and times are hard, they are all you have.... and in a way, all you need.

An Open Letter to God...

Dear God,

I did not always believe in you. There was once a time where I refused to acknowledge that there was such thing as an Almighty creator.

I could never see you, I could never touch you and I was never shown any physical proof that you do exist. People told me God was a presence you felt in your heart, not before your eyes. But I never felt you either. How could I believe? My mother sat me down when I was 6 years old and made me say a prayer with her inviting Jesus into my heart. She said I needed to do that if I wanted eternal life in heaven. I said the prayer, but didn't really know if Jesus has entered my heart, since I felt no different before or after that.

I had heard countless times that a true Christian is one that not only knows the Word of God, but also one who's life has been changed by God in a very real way. And it was this point that really convinced me that I was in fact not really a Christian. I just never had any sort of encounter with you, supernatural or otherwise. I had never been 'touched by the holy spirit', I had never been overwhelmed by the 'enveloping warmth of God's love' during worship, and I certainly did not wake up in the mornings thinking of you. The truth was, I feel completely detached from you.

I'd sometimes bump into regular church goers at nearby coffee shops. I always had the feeling that I did not belong in that righteous bunch. I was far from spiritual,and God knows... I mean, YOU know just how far from grace I really was. Living a righteous life is hard. and I knew in my heart that I could never measure up to that. And so I stayed away... because in my head, better an honest outcast than a 'holy' hypocrite. That, plus I haven't even figured out if you were real or not. Was the world really created in 7 days? Was Adam & Eve really the first? Is the rainbow really a sign of your promise to Noah? Is Jesus really the ONLY light and the way?

I knew that the church has fought fierce battles with proponents of science hundreds of years ago. Since the dawn of the science age, the awe and majesty you used to inspire seemed to slowly erode. People believed in the absoluteness of science, and what science cannot prove true, man cannot embrace as fact... and that included you. Science seemed to be the death of you. But I always suspected that if you did exist, you certainly had a sense of humour and irony. Because it wasn't scripture and all the preachings in church combined that made me first believe in your existence...... it was through science.

In mathematics, I learned about the golden ratio, phi that seemed to baffle mathematicians because it cropped up in everywhere and everything around us; from the design of leaves and branches, patterns on flowers, spirals of sea shells and even the ratio of our navel to our head. Everything had the number 1.618 embedded somewhere. Almost as if there was some grand practical joke being played on a cosmic level. In engineering, I learned that engineers used hexagons to construct things giving the most amount of space but least amount of material. Then I found out bees were already doing that since the beginning. Who thought them that? In biology, with all the controversy around cloning & genetic engineering, man still did not know how to create so much as a fly on his own. He knew how to culture yeast, create a physical clone & prolong life, but that's it. Just like the movie Frankenstein, all we know how to do today is still just getting all the required parts together, giving it an electric shock and see if it comes alive. That's how Dolly the sheep was created. Man still cannot give something the divine spark of life.

And so, after learning all these things, I just had to believe that this universe & this life isn't a random act. There was a Divine Architect at work..... and I guess that was you. To be very honest, that's the closest I've ever come to experiencing you. No alter call, no dramatic conversion, no life changing realizations... just a deep silent conviction that sun in the sky, the earth below my feet and this heart that beats was made by you.

It is with that conviction that I finally decided to pick up a bible again & attend church once more. Why the church? Why Christianity? (Don't strike me with lightning, but I'm a bit pissed off on this one. I don't know why you had to make this part so hard to figure out). Personally, I guess there was something about the Christian doctrine of love, sacrifice and forgiveness that resonated in me, that sounded like the ring of truth, that's why I believe. Maybe that doesn't sound very well grounded or logical, but sometimes, what is faith if not a blind leap? There are plenty of other Christian apologists who can give you more solid answers. But what if I'm wrong? What if your name turn out to be Allah, Buddha or Guru Nanak instead of Jesus Christ? I dunno..... I'm screwed I guess.... but I think that if I end up dying & going to hell due to my faith, at least I'll have also lived and loved because of it.


To be honest, I still don't see myself as the sort of God fearing, righteous, holy person... and I don't want to pretend to be one either. I'm still waiting for some sort of divine experience or personal revelation that's supposed to revolutionize my outlook on life and make me want to be one of those 'super holy' people. I don't know if that day will ever come. Many times, I think being righteous is no fun, being holy is restrictive, and being Christian is next to impossible. I'd tell you I'm not perfect, but you already know that. Maybe I still have a long way to go. Or maybe this is as far as I'll ever get when it comes to divine enlightenment.....but I know this:

I was once blind, but at least now, I see. At least now, I believe.

One of your tiny creations,
Me

Why the Modern Man Must Die...

Being a guy in this day and age is kinda tough if you ask me.

I think it used to be enough for a man to be honest, sincere and hardworking to be considered a 'catch'. Had a decent job, knew how to fix things around the house and never shied away from making important decisions. Never mind if he was a man of few words, unsophisticated, incapable of functioning in social settings or even a tad insensitive. A man was a man, crude perhaps but practical and dependable; no one expected any more or less from a man.

But the modern man of today is often depicted (thus expected) to be so much more. It is what we are told is now the 'desirable' thing to be if you want to be on the secret list of 'good catches' women seem to privately keep. The last term I ever heard coin for men and how they're supposed to be was 'metrosexual'... whatever the hell that's supposed to imply. I don't know what magazines are calling the modern man these days.

But he's supposed to be a man in the most traditional sense of the word; knowledgeable, wise, authoritative, firm, steady and dependable, YET kind, gentle, sensitive, caring, emotionally mature, selfless, gregarious and socially adept at the same time. Am I the only one who thinks this is next to impossible?

The modern man is supposed to know how to groom himself, dress well, have a sense of style but still capable of getting his hands dirty fixing your household appliances, throw out the trash or repair your clogged up toilet. He drinks gourmet coffee and listens to jazz & classical music, but can tell you which is the radiator and which is the alternator in your car. He's supposed to be refined and learned gentleman that never resorts to violence but still knows how to throw a decent punch if it came down to it. He's doesn't squirm when experiencing pain but is expected to be able to talk about his feelings and perhaps even cry. He's supposed to be manly and rugged enough to sport a rough beard, tight jeans and body hugging shirt but still wear pink. He's supposed to be familiar with fine wines, Renaissance artworks and Mark Twain quotes but still capable of sitting in the mamak watching an EPL match with the guys and know all the MU players by heart. In a nut shell, he's supposed to be a man in the most traditional sense, but fully in aware in in tune with his 'softer' more 'feminine' side. Am I the only one who thinks such a guy simply does not exist? 

But... on the off hand, who knows.. these breed of pedigree men do exist. If you do know such a guy......well..... good for you. But the for the sake of the rest of the male population, please murder him for me. If you ARE such a guy, that's really great dude. We should hang out some time. But now, I'mma gonna hav'ta kill'ya man. You aren't allowed to exist.

Else the ladies will start expecting us to behave like you. Geddit?

What he's really thinking over dinner...

You know... there comes a time in every man's life, when he looks at the woman he's with and feels overwhelmed.. Over a candle lit dinner, he sees her eyes light up as she speaks to him. He sees her face break into the sweetest of smiles as he makes his usual lame jokes. He sees her fiddle with her food as the both of them soak up the pleasure of each others company. And it is often at that moment that he is filled with a burning question that he just HAS to ask her what would probably be the most defining moment of their romantic night out....

"..................................Are you going to eat that?" 

:-P

Cheers everyone. Have a good weekend!

A Silly Idealist with Silly Notions of Love...

I learnt a few things today.

I learnt that for women, different guys are allowed to care for her up to different levels. This level of care depends on how close she feels to him, or how close she wants him to be. There is a line you aren’t supposed to cross. She doesn’t WANT you to care for her beyond that line.

If you cross that line, it makes a woman uncomfortable being around you. And once you cross that line, there’s no such thing as turning back, or pretending it never happened. You can’t just walk up to them again and say you don’t care that much anymore and expect everything to return to normal. Like it or not, she will always keep you at arm’s length from then on…… because…… well, you care more than what you were supposed to.

It’s funny actually. I always believed that a person could always choose to show love for another in a way he / she deemed fit; that every person was free to care for one another in whatever proportions their hearts were willing to. This wasn’t food we were trying to ration out, or punishment we had to dish out in careful proportions. This was LOVE we’re talking about. Surely if there was one thing we all needed a bit of extra of, love would be it right? What’s wrong with genuinely caring for someone? Must we really put a cap on it? To say you are receiving too much love and care is like saying you have too much money. It may be a problem, but it’s a good problem right?

But it looks more and more to me like there is such a thing as too much love, and there is such a thing as caring too much where you care isn’t wanted or welcomed. I felt so strongly that love was something everyone was meant to give out freely, and for others to receive wholeheartedly. It was supposed to be a universal token of togetherness and oneness. I always thought that being a recipient of love was the privilege. And if you were in a position to make people privileged, nothing should stop you. But as it turns out, you aren’t always allowed to show love in ways you want to. Certain levels of care are reserved for special people. You had to have the privilege of being one of those special people before you’re allowed to care for the person.

We always complain that nobody seems to care about us, but I realized that many times, we don’t want just anybody to care for us, we want the right people to care in the right amounts. And by the same token, we don’t want certain people to care too much. We’re picky…. not just in the love we give, but also the love we receive. Maybe it’s something to do with the reciprocal nature of love; we always love someone back in the magnitude in which they love us. I guess in some ways, we don’t want the person to care so much because we don’t really want to have to care too much for that person either.

Maybe it was just silly idealist who said that the human heart has an infinite capacity to love. Maybe it was a fool that said that love can only grow when it’s given. And most people talk only about giving when it comes to love. Not many talk about the receiving of it. I guess the cold hard reality is that for many, there are only so many people they can care for in their lives. And when it really comes down to it, you got to pick and choose. It used to just involve choosing who you love. Now it seems it also involves choosing who you allow to love you.

I don’t know why coming to this realization is leaving me with such a distasteful feeling inside. This realization that even in the giving of love there are rules and limitations is irksome. I never thought that one person could find displeasure in being loved by another. I don’t like what I just found out, though I find it harder and harder to ignore this truth as the days go by. I hear it from the lips of others, I feel it in the silence of my own heart. This isn’t how it should be. We have limited the capacity of other people to love because of our own inability to reciprocate. Am I the only one who thinks that is tragic?

The wings of love should never be clipped by our own inability to soar to its heights.

But then again….what do I know. I’m just a silly idealist with silly notions of love....

The Wonder Years....

You know, more often than not I like thinking of my life as one big drama series. I think you already know that by now. But what I just realized last night was that if there was one drama series that truly reflected how it feels for me, this would be it; The Wonder Years. 

I remember watching it when I was 12. By that time, the series had already ended and I was just watching reruns. But if you've ever seen even a snippet of this show, you'll very quickly realize that it's one of those timeless shows that never really go out of date. The story is told from a narrative point of view. It told mostly from the point of view of Kevin, a boy who's heart is all for the love of his life Winnie....and how the two of them grow up from junior high to finally leave college. They discover the joys and pains of life, the simplicity & complexity of love, and mostly about living life. I kid you not, every single episode was nothing short of wonderful, with tonnes of quotable sayings about life or love or what have you. Anyway, watch a few of it on Youtube and you'll see what I mean.

I'd sit GLUED to the TV, refusing to take any calls, refusing to budge until I've watched the whole episode. And since I couldn't record it, and there was no such thing as youtube back then, blink and you WILL have missed it. I think I was already a sucker for all these bitter-sweet-conflicting-emotions-everything-is-a-mess-but-oh-so-wonderful shit. And the fact that the story was told from a narrative and retrospective point of view just made the whole thing more appealing to me. I'm not sure if I liked the show because it was retrospective, or if I grew up to become retrospective because I watched shows like that. Hmmmm... 

What I remembered most about that show was basically about how much I identified with the main character Kevin. He always had a kind of in-built dry sense of humour about life, he was often emotionally conflicted, and his heart was often all for Winnie.... a girl he loved with all his heart from the start... till the very end. They never ended up together, (he married someone else much to the heartbreak of most followers), they still loved each other and remained special to one another, having made a promise full of passion to always be together. I know I was only 12 at the time but damn....... it reminded me a lot of myself and how my mind operated. I don't mean to exaggerate, but I don't think any other show ever had such an impact on my young mind at the time. 

Anyway, as much as I wanted to at the time, I never did get to watch all the episodes of the show. And watching a few again last night just reminded again how much I still do.

You know what? I'm going to start looking for it. All six seasons.....  

Oh, and one more thing, the song for the closing credits stuck in my head for good, and last night, for the first time in 13 years, I heard it again.. EXACTLY the way I remembered it.

Boy did it bring back memories for me....old ones, new ones, but all, wonderful ones....