Christmas, or so it seemed

I was browsing through the library of music on my laptop. It's been ages since I last listened to music on my computer.

A particular folder caught my eye. I clicked on it and a list of 45 songs appear. I play them all. A strange combination of emotions surge through me as I listen to them. Mixed feeling of happiness and regret. Memories of things that were sweet and those that were painful, moments that felt like fireworks on a clear summer night - magical, moments that felt like a man running in front of a moving train - utter foolishness.

Looking at the folder again, I remembered something. I had changed the name of the folder to 'Christmas' even though it had absolutely nothing to do with Christmas. At the time, even looking at its original name pained me. I had done stupid things, and I was trying to run away from my own feelings. Silly me huh? 

The name of the folder? 

Crystal.

Thoughts on a Stranger

I thought we had something special. I thought we understood one another. I thought that it would just go on and on, the way it did in the past.

But it didn't.

It all stopped.

What happened?

Something must have happened for sure. But i don't know what.

Are you not well? Are you busy? Have you lost interest in this heart of mine? Are you deliberately keeping silent? Or are you not around anymore?

I try to imagine just what is it that is transpiring at your side of this life. But it is a blank image. I cannot imagine anything beyond the picture of you, and the streets of the city you live in. You said we were not really strangers anymore. I guess in some sense, that is true. A stranger is a person you know nothing about. And i know many things about you.

But all this silence has reminded me again, that in truth, knowing many things about you isn't the same as knowing YOU.

There is a massive void that stands between us. A void only two strangers would know.

So, what are we anyway, my dear not-so-stranger of a friend? What are we?

Atomic Breakups

Breakups are a lot like an atomic bomb in a way.

In an instant, the explosion of atomic bomb creates a massive crater, miles in diameter. In the blink of an eye, your world literally shatters into pieces. If you survive the explosion, you are still left in a state of disbelief because not too long ago, like was still as you knew it - intact. It is a devastating event

Doesn't heart break feel a lot like that?

But even then, the initial explosion isn't the most fearsome part of an atomic bomb. It is the invisible radioactive mess - that slowly and painfully kills off whatever that's left behind - that does the most damage. A blast may kill hundreds of thousands of people in an instant. But millions more die due to radioactive exposure over the next few years.

Breakups don't (usually) kill anyone, but the after effects last long after the incident don't they? After the pain of it tearing apart, your heart is then left with open wounds, taking days,weeks and months to heal. And it is those long, sustained sense of gloom and dread that eats away at your energies.

"Tell me how to move on... Tell me how to get rid of this pain... Why? Why does this have to happen to me? How can he do this to me? Is this my payback for all the past things I've done? "

I couldn't offer any answer. At least, not one she was ready to hear yet.

Most people offered this answer as ab attempt to comfort her - He doesn't deserve you. You are better off without him. But i can see, she doesnt want to hear any of those things. She still loved him. And given even an inch of hope, she would go on with him but i guess she knew it was game over. As much as she loved him, she couldn't be with a man that loved his pride more than his woman.

And i guess THAT was the big A Bomb she was trying to deal with.