Happy New Year 2010..

So it's the end of the year already.

I don't know about you, but I've been hearing the same thing from everyone around me. The year 2009 seems to have flown by in the blink of an eye. And before you know it, December is already coming to an end.

This first decade of this millennium is the first decade in which I am able to recall everything that I did in my life. Born smack in the middle of the 1980s, I hardly remember anything from that era. The 1990s were partly remembered because I was just entering my teens then. This decade of 2000~2010 will be the first (and hopefully not the only) decade in which I am able to recall things as an (almost) adult.

Do you remember the millennium? Where were you as the clock stroke of midnight? I was sitting out in a quite field with just one other person next to me. We sat there for hours, talking about love, life, society, Armageddon, the Backstreet Boys... but mostly about love.. or at least love as any other 15 year old would see it. She was my cousin, and at that time, the closest person I had whom I could share everything with. There was no countdown, there was no excited anticipation of the new year. We just talked and talked.. and when we finally saw fireworks in the sky and people cheering on the streets and in their houses, the moment had passed. I just turn to look at her, smiled and said "Happy New Millennium cuz..." That was it. That as how I ushered in the new year.

And you know what? It remains my favourite way of ushering any new year. I don't want to be standing amongst a crowd of a hundred other people. Counting 10, 9, 8, 7........ I want to be sitting quietly somewhere overlooking either the skyline, or an open field or a hill, something like that. I want it to be a quiet place. And I want to be with just one person... or the most two or three.

I decided that this year, if I cannot be with the person(s) that matters to me at the stroke of midnight, I don't want to be with anybody at all. I will drive out and away from friends whom I love to bits but hardly know anything about me, or my heart. I will search for the quietest spot I can find around town, hopefully either up on a hill, or overlooking a quiet field..... and try to make some sort of sense of the things that are going in my life.

I want to look up at the sky and ask God if he really is this mischievous little kid that's holding a magnifying glass, burning the tiny little ants he created just for the fun of it. I'll look up and ask God why is it that when he created life, he had to dish it with huge servings of irony. And why is it that for so many people, love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a teardrop? Why did God make sacrifice the ultimate expression of love? Why does love have to inevitably come also with pain? Couldn't he have made a snuggle and a kiss the ultimate expression of love? Cuz that sure as hell  seems much more simple and pleasant. Maybe when God was putting in the ingredients that made up love, he decided to drop in a whole bunch of ginseng root. But really God, couldn't you just have put in a spoon of Scott's Emulsion?

I'm putting in my Happy New Year wishes early. So, Happy New Year my friend. Three things I wish upon you as we usher in the coming of a new year; good health, happiness......but above all else, love in its every sense... (even if there is essence of ginseng in it).

Cheers.

Uncovering Audio Diamonds V

More Free Music at MP3-Codes.com

This is the kind of song you here when you wake up with a BANG...

It's kind of song that makes you bob your head and drum at your car steering wheel...

This is the kind of song that makes you close your eyes and just imagine you're a rock stare screaming "Are you gonna be my girl...."

This is the kind of song you listen to if your heart is so overflowing with excitement you just need to let it all out without giggling like a silly school boy.

Sometimes, that's the beauty of music... It doesn't always have to be deep and meaningful and insightful.

Sometimes, it's good enough to just feel so damn good.

Cheers everyone!

The point is LOVE

This post has no focus, has no topic, has no purpose.

The only purpose is perhaps for me to sit down and write something and imagine I have some brilliant new insight into life, or love or whatever else. But I have none. I have no insight today.. sorry…

There’s a saying that the wise speak because they have something to say whereas the fools speak because they have to say something. Today, I feel like being a fool. And today I’d like to say these few completely random, awkward lines, in no particular order:

A gift is something that can only be given, never demanded. Love is the ultimate gift you can give someone.

Sacrifice is the ultimate expression of love. Hence love and sacrifice, which are synonym with one another, are the greatest gifts you can give someone.

The fruits and benefits of love that people enjoy are never from the love they selfishly demanded, but the one's they gracefully received, unasked for.

Love can sometimes feel liberating and empowering. It can make you soar in the sky, float up in the clouds. You feel strong and invincible. You feel like you could brave the seas and climb mountains. You’ll do anything; travel thousands of miles, relocate to Cambodia, migrate to a foreign land, risk life and limb, rob a bank (not recommended), stick your neck out, get in trouble, learn a new language, give up meat, run a marathon, give something up… You’ll do it. You’ll do it because you love.

Love can sometimes feel like a binding chain. It makes you feel constricted, bound and trapped. You feel like you are obliged to do this, or say that, or act in a certain way. You no longer make decisions solely on what you want, and what's best for you. You think in terms of what the other person might feel, because the consequences of your decisions affect not just you anymore. You lose your sense of complete freedom. Some people tell you that’s not love. Some people tell you that’s not how love is supposed to feel. But trust me, that’s love too. Only difference is, that one is love for yourself.

Someone asked me how you’re supposed to love someone if you don’t have any feelings for the other person. Other people said that you aren’t supposed to just rely on your feelings all the time; love is more than just about feelings. And it doesn’t mean you don’t feel anything for that person, you can still love them. Bull crap.

Yes, love is more than just feelings. Yes, you aren’t going to feel ‘in love’ all the time. But if you wake up one day and look at your partner, and feel nothing at all for them; no affection, no endearment, no joy, no anger, no annoyance, no impatience, nothing at all. If you feel nothing at all, then something is seriously wrong. Love fills you up, one way or another. If you feel hollow, something is missing; and that’s love.

People say love is an act. CORRECT. You act in a loving and life giving way, because somewhere really deep in your heart, you still KNOW YOU HAVE LOVE FOR THEM, even if you don’t feel it at the moment. How do you know if you have love? Listen to your heart.

Faith; an intrinsic believe of something you don’t always (or ever) see, touch, hear or FEEL. But you believe in its existence anyway. If you find it hard to believe in God, at least believe in love. Have faith that love does and can exist in the hearts of others, and also in your own heart.

Then realize that love is a manifestation of God.

People say that in its purest form, love is supposed to be completely selfless. There is no place for selfishness if you love someone. When you love someone / something, you think only of their benefit, and of their good, forsaking your own needs. But that’s untrue. Because even after you forsake your own needs, and feelings and wants and do what is best for the person you love, you are still being selfish. Because the person you love is now an extension of yourself. And what good you do to them, is a good you do to yourself too.

That’s why, when you give or do something for someone you love, you feel more like you’ve gained rather than loss.

An author naturally writes about what's closest to his heart given a blank sheet. We are all authors of our own live stories and we all end up shaping our lives around the thing closest to our hearts. And that was, is, and will always continue to be love.

I think I was wrong…. This post, along with my life, does have a point after all.

The point is LOVE.

A Convenient Lie...

“A big bunch of us are gathering. You wanna join?” asked the message.

“I already have plans tonight. Can't make it. Sorry. Maybe next time OK.” went my reply.

I LIED.

There were no plans.

There wasn't even any real reason behind it,

I just didn’t feel like seeing them.

I'm skipping Christmas

It's that time of year again. The year is coming to an end, Christmas is around the corner, and we have so many Fridays off as a national holiday, it hardly feels like a working month at all.

I have long been told by people that Christmas is often their favourite time of the year, regardless of whether or not they are Christian. There's just this positive vibe in the air, there's a sense of cheer, and everyone is basically in a holiday mood. Under normal circumstances, the fact that it's just a week away from Christmas would be reason enough to be skipping around with a smile on your face.

But I feel no such cheer this year. I feel no such joy in my heart. I woke up this morning and realized that it was just 12 days away from Christmas. And for once, I felt like I did not want a Christmas this year. I'd like to skip it, thank you very much. I didn't feel like wanting any presents from anyone,(never did anyway), and I didn't feel like going out and buying presents for anyone.

Christmas has become a bit too commercialized for my taste. Why do people go around buying gifts for each other anyway? Oh, because it's Christmas. But why do you go out and buy stuff for people? Oh, it's because that's how you celebrate Christmas. By buying gifts for people. All sounds pretty consumer driven if you ask me. Giving gifts to people are never a bad thing. But I don't want a gift just because it's Christmas and everyone is obliged to buy things for each other. Someone buys something for you, and in many ways, you feel obliged to return the favour, to buy one for them too. Even though you never had the intention to in the first place. Then you think "Gee, if I'm going to buy a gift for THIS person, it wouldn't be fair NOT to buy it for THAT person." It's a vicious link / chain. It's like, if you buy for one, you have to buy for all. And in the end, it just feels like a hollow expression.

I'm not buying anyone anything. And if I do, it's only for select people. I hate buying gifts. It's tough. To give someone a gift that MEANS SOMETHING, a lot of thought is required. More than that, a lot of UNDERSTANDING is required. It's not as simple as just buying the most expensive thing you can afford for them. A gift means nothing if it does not have a personal touch to it. And how do we dare to say we know exactly what to buy every single person. Most people just settle for things that they think the receiver will accept. And the thing is, when it comes to gifts, we often decide on buying A gift first, before deciding WHAT that gift is. I'm bad at that. Because frankly, the only times I feel like I know how to buy a gift for someone, is when way before Christmas, way before birthdays, way before any occasions comes up where a gift is required, I have already somehow managed to identify something that I'd like that person to have. Sometimes it's because that person needs it, sometimes it's because it means something to me and I'd like to share it, but mostly it would be because I know receiving it would mean something to the person. Only then do I really feel confident enough in buying something for someone. And how often do you get that kind of insight right? The point is that the idea of a PARTICULAR gift comes first.... and the time to give it after. These days, the exact opposite is done instead.

Sigh......

And this whole thing about celebrating Christmas. How DO you celebrate Christmas anyway? Apparently, exactly the same way every other major celebration is celebrated here in Malaysia. Stay at home. Watch TV. Sleep. Only addition is perhaps church in the mornings for those who are Christian. We don't gather around the Christmas tree to open presents (in fact, i didn't even bother setting up a tree this year), we don't have a nice dinner with everyone around. We don't go house to house singing and caroling. We have no steep tradition. At least, my family doesn't. Christmas is very much a mildly celebrated even in this part of the world... and how big a deal it is depends a lot on your own efforts to make a deal out of it.

I don't feel up to putting in any sort of effort this year. I don't want to buy presents, I don't want to put up a Christmas tree. I don't want to go to church and pretend like we're all cheerful and merry. Frankly this year........ I'd just like to skip Christmas.

so........

HAPPY HANNUKAH everyone. I have no idea what Hannukah is truly about.... but so the same goes for the rest of the world and Christmas. So what's the difference right?

Wake me up when the new year countdown begins. I so want to count down till the clock, shout "Happy New Year!!" and kiss the (hopefully) woman next to you, and burst out singing Auld Lang Syne with the rest of the crowd. Best part is? No presents required nor expected.

21 Reasons Why Bella Swan should date Forrest Gump instead

I think I'm going to be accused of being such a jealous hater considering what I'm about to say.... but I think I'm going to say it anyway. Hahaha...

You know the current worldwide craze for Twilight? I mean, girls the world over have started to go GAGA over Edward Cullen and how he's the perfect lover; handsome, charming, sensitive, strong and mostly, eternally devoted to his love. Heck, he's even a vegetarian vampire, yes. a VEGETARIAN VAMPIRE. What more could you ask for right? How much he adores her. How much he devotes his life to her. Well... you know what. Edward Cullen hasn't impressed me..........not by a long shot. Here's why.

Edward Cullen:

1. Sulks and stares, behaves like jerk, stalks women, sneak into their rooms at night and stare at them sleeping throughout the 1st movie

Creepy dude! So if WE normal men do it, we are total crazy stalkers and perverts. But when HE does it, it's supposed to be love and devotion? WTF man? Unless women have changed these days and the only way of showing your devotion to a woman is to stalk her home?

2. Sulks and stares some more and tries to commit suicide in 2nd movie

Coward! Boohoo... my girl is suspected to be dead. I don't bother verifying the truth or grieving with the father. I just jump on the next plane to Italy, break my people's law, jeopardize their existence and try to get myself killed. Because I just love her so much. Maybe a lot of people find this little gesture (ripped straight out of Romeo and Juliet obviously) to be the epitome of love and devotion, but I don't. For one, if I were the person the suicide was done over, I would be pissed. Damn pissed. I'd be like "Hey, I loved you with all my heart, I cherished your existence like it was the most valuable thing on this earth..... and you just throw your life away like it's dirt just because I'm not around anymore? I'm not touched. I'm INSULTED. You insult me, along with every single reason I loved you." 

And not to mention... suicide is immensely narrow minded and SELFISH. The most tragic thing about suicides are never that someone died by their own hand, it's that those who loved them are left feeling lost, confused and shattered. They have to pick up the pieces, makes sense of everything and try to go on living, one day at a time. Dying is easy. Living takes courage. Has he forgotten that there are others that love him too? What about his family? Do they mean nothing to him? Does he think he means nothing to them? NooOOOooo of course not. Cuz Bella's his whole life and his whole life is Bella. *scoff* please.........

3. Sulks and stares and is unnecessarily torturing everyone (including me)

She wants to be a vampire. His family wants her to be a vampire. Vampire royalty say she'd make a fantastic vampire. He claims he can't live in a world without her, ..and yet he just won't do it.. cuz he thinks he's damning her to hell by turning her. But if hell is where you are going, and your love for each other is supposedly so strong, what's wrong with going to hell together? Just bite her and get it over with la.... Damn annoying. And hey, I thought vampires could live like.... forever right? So what's the problem? If we normal men err in our judgment and actions, women say we are indecisive and not being enough of a man. When HE does it... it's supposed to be loving? On second thought, maybe he should just die.........not for her........for me. DIE EDWARD. DIE!!!

But there IS one thing I do like about this dude la...it's that Edward Collen was formally Cedric Diggory in another life (and another movie, Harry Potter) where there, he at least died a hero... at least that's something I can respect.. as unrelated as that actually is. haha

You know who Bella Swan should be dating? Forrest Gump... That's right, you heard me. FORREST GUMP. Here's why:

1. He's human. (how refreshing!)
2. He's a gozillianaire (in his own words). That means he's ultra rich.
3. He can actually have meals with you (instead of wanting you as the meal)
4. He doesn't have a family wanting to eat you over a paper cut.
5. He doesn't stalk you from behind the bushes and behind walls.
6. He'll never commit suicide 'in the name of love'. On the contrary, he'll live on in the name of love.
7. He'll never bite you (unless you want him to)
8. He'll name all his shrimping boats after you.
9. He'll loyally write letters to you from the middle of a war zone even if you never replied a single one of them.
10. He'll always think you have the voice of an angel, and that you are the most beautiful girl he's ever met.
11. He'll give you his congressional medal of honour (for courage) because the strongest reason he stayed alive and outlived the war was because YOU told home to come back alive.
12. He'll still love you, accept you, welcome you into his home, respect you, care for you, go for long walks with you, even if you just showed up out of the blue one day with no explanation whatsoever after years of silence. And he won' even ask you why or demand an explanation. He'll just love you.
13. He'll bulldoze the house you hated all your life for messing you up.
14. He'll still love you even though you are a neurotic hippie who's addicted to cocaine, sleeps around with men and have AIDS.
15. He'll beat the crap out of any man who ever dares lay a finger on your or hurt you in any way.
16. He'll wait for you patiently to come home to him, even as you run off with some useless man who hits you and doesn't respect you.
17. He'll run across America three times wearing the shoes you bought him. And he'll do it, thinking mostly of you.
18. He'll introduce you to everyone he knows as "My XXX (fil in your name here)"
19. He'll marry you at the very end of your life and take care of you knowing fully well that you're dying soon.
20. He'll love and take care of the son you hid away from him for 8 years and dumped on his lap only after knowing you're dying.
21. He'll bury you under the tree the both of you grew up in, sprinkle fresh flower petals around your grave and talk to you every other day..... for the rest of his life.


I could make this list a lot longer.... but I think that's pretty extensive reasons. If I were a girl, the first 3 reasons would have been enough for me. :P Any man would be hard pressed to try to match the kind of love Forrest Gump had for the love of his life. Honestly, I have no idea why women aren't swooning over Forrest Gump instead.

Wait wait wait.... .... Right.. Now I remember why.

It's because Tom Hanks isn't hot right?

I knew it......