21 Reasons Why Bella Swan should date Forrest Gump instead

I think I'm going to be accused of being such a jealous hater considering what I'm about to say.... but I think I'm going to say it anyway. Hahaha...

You know the current worldwide craze for Twilight? I mean, girls the world over have started to go GAGA over Edward Cullen and how he's the perfect lover; handsome, charming, sensitive, strong and mostly, eternally devoted to his love. Heck, he's even a vegetarian vampire, yes. a VEGETARIAN VAMPIRE. What more could you ask for right? How much he adores her. How much he devotes his life to her. Well... you know what. Edward Cullen hasn't impressed me..........not by a long shot. Here's why.

Edward Cullen:

1. Sulks and stares, behaves like jerk, stalks women, sneak into their rooms at night and stare at them sleeping throughout the 1st movie

Creepy dude! So if WE normal men do it, we are total crazy stalkers and perverts. But when HE does it, it's supposed to be love and devotion? WTF man? Unless women have changed these days and the only way of showing your devotion to a woman is to stalk her home?

2. Sulks and stares some more and tries to commit suicide in 2nd movie

Coward! Boohoo... my girl is suspected to be dead. I don't bother verifying the truth or grieving with the father. I just jump on the next plane to Italy, break my people's law, jeopardize their existence and try to get myself killed. Because I just love her so much. Maybe a lot of people find this little gesture (ripped straight out of Romeo and Juliet obviously) to be the epitome of love and devotion, but I don't. For one, if I were the person the suicide was done over, I would be pissed. Damn pissed. I'd be like "Hey, I loved you with all my heart, I cherished your existence like it was the most valuable thing on this earth..... and you just throw your life away like it's dirt just because I'm not around anymore? I'm not touched. I'm INSULTED. You insult me, along with every single reason I loved you." 

And not to mention... suicide is immensely narrow minded and SELFISH. The most tragic thing about suicides are never that someone died by their own hand, it's that those who loved them are left feeling lost, confused and shattered. They have to pick up the pieces, makes sense of everything and try to go on living, one day at a time. Dying is easy. Living takes courage. Has he forgotten that there are others that love him too? What about his family? Do they mean nothing to him? Does he think he means nothing to them? NooOOOooo of course not. Cuz Bella's his whole life and his whole life is Bella. *scoff* please.........

3. Sulks and stares and is unnecessarily torturing everyone (including me)

She wants to be a vampire. His family wants her to be a vampire. Vampire royalty say she'd make a fantastic vampire. He claims he can't live in a world without her, ..and yet he just won't do it.. cuz he thinks he's damning her to hell by turning her. But if hell is where you are going, and your love for each other is supposedly so strong, what's wrong with going to hell together? Just bite her and get it over with la.... Damn annoying. And hey, I thought vampires could live like.... forever right? So what's the problem? If we normal men err in our judgment and actions, women say we are indecisive and not being enough of a man. When HE does it... it's supposed to be loving? On second thought, maybe he should just die.........not for her........for me. DIE EDWARD. DIE!!!

But there IS one thing I do like about this dude la...it's that Edward Collen was formally Cedric Diggory in another life (and another movie, Harry Potter) where there, he at least died a hero... at least that's something I can respect.. as unrelated as that actually is. haha

You know who Bella Swan should be dating? Forrest Gump... That's right, you heard me. FORREST GUMP. Here's why:

1. He's human. (how refreshing!)
2. He's a gozillianaire (in his own words). That means he's ultra rich.
3. He can actually have meals with you (instead of wanting you as the meal)
4. He doesn't have a family wanting to eat you over a paper cut.
5. He doesn't stalk you from behind the bushes and behind walls.
6. He'll never commit suicide 'in the name of love'. On the contrary, he'll live on in the name of love.
7. He'll never bite you (unless you want him to)
8. He'll name all his shrimping boats after you.
9. He'll loyally write letters to you from the middle of a war zone even if you never replied a single one of them.
10. He'll always think you have the voice of an angel, and that you are the most beautiful girl he's ever met.
11. He'll give you his congressional medal of honour (for courage) because the strongest reason he stayed alive and outlived the war was because YOU told home to come back alive.
12. He'll still love you, accept you, welcome you into his home, respect you, care for you, go for long walks with you, even if you just showed up out of the blue one day with no explanation whatsoever after years of silence. And he won' even ask you why or demand an explanation. He'll just love you.
13. He'll bulldoze the house you hated all your life for messing you up.
14. He'll still love you even though you are a neurotic hippie who's addicted to cocaine, sleeps around with men and have AIDS.
15. He'll beat the crap out of any man who ever dares lay a finger on your or hurt you in any way.
16. He'll wait for you patiently to come home to him, even as you run off with some useless man who hits you and doesn't respect you.
17. He'll run across America three times wearing the shoes you bought him. And he'll do it, thinking mostly of you.
18. He'll introduce you to everyone he knows as "My XXX (fil in your name here)"
19. He'll marry you at the very end of your life and take care of you knowing fully well that you're dying soon.
20. He'll love and take care of the son you hid away from him for 8 years and dumped on his lap only after knowing you're dying.
21. He'll bury you under the tree the both of you grew up in, sprinkle fresh flower petals around your grave and talk to you every other day..... for the rest of his life.


I could make this list a lot longer.... but I think that's pretty extensive reasons. If I were a girl, the first 3 reasons would have been enough for me. :P Any man would be hard pressed to try to match the kind of love Forrest Gump had for the love of his life. Honestly, I have no idea why women aren't swooning over Forrest Gump instead.

Wait wait wait.... .... Right.. Now I remember why.

It's because Tom Hanks isn't hot right?

I knew it......