Grieving

To you dear friend who is in grief, and to anyone out there who has ever lost someone dear to them.

Someone out there is crying. Someone out there is grieving. Someone out there is asking themselves how to go on; how to know when to let go; how to know when it’s too soon.

I dare not say I know how it feels like because I don’t. I dare not give any advice because I don’t really know the answer.

All I know is that it’s painful. All I know is that it’s hard; to have someone all your life and then to lose them; to love someone so much, then to be separated from them; to wish with all your heart to have more time, then to have that time robbed from you.

Even though we all know death is a part of life, it still doesn’t make it any easier to take. Losing someone dear to us is perhaps the most painful thing anyone can experience. Trying to get over it is probably the hardest things our hearts are called to do. It’s called grieving.

Grieving is our heart trying to come to terms with reality. Grieving is us trying to consolidate what our minds already know with what our hearts are still not willing to accept is gone. When we grieve, it’s more than just feeling sad. You feel empty. You feel a void in your heart. Something’s missing. And the bigger the loss, the bigger hole that is left in your heart.

People try to tell you not to be sad. They mean well, but they don’t quite understand. At some level, you just know you need to be experiencing this sadness. You need to be feeling this way. The pain of your loss must be expressed, not just for your own sake, but also for the sake of the one you’ve lost. For all the wonderful things that they were to you, for all the great things that they were, it is only right that you grieve fully and unreservedly for and in honour them.

But how long? How long do we continue in this state? When is it too soon? When is it too long? I wish I knew how to answer that. But the answer lies within our own hearts. You and you alone will know when to come out of mourning. You and you alone will know if it has been too short or too long. Know that every second of the day, your heart is healing. Such is the resilience of our heart. But the heart heals at its own pace. All you have to do is be mindful of it.

But remember those who love you; the ones that are gone as well as the ones still around. Everyone who has ever loved us want only what’s good for us. As long as the grieving is good for our healing, than grieve we must. But when it starts to destroy you and consume you from within, then you know it is time to stop. Then you know it is time to stop the mourning and start the living. Even the one you grieve for will not have you consumed by grieve. No. They would have us live well. They would have us tackle life with all the best of them they managed to instill in us. We often become a living testimony of the kind of love we received from others. Yes, our lives are a testimony. And our testimony speaks loudest of the people responsible for making us who we are today.

In that sense, we honour those who love us when we live our lives well... So live well my friend, in honour of them.

Life goes on, and so must you. Death is not the end.