Love & Thanks....

"So have you eaten dinner?" I ask awkwardly.

“Yes, yes, I cooked some noodles… thank you, thank you” came the reply.

Almost a week into him staying here. He still seems to thank me profusely for every small little thing.

I was told I was hanging around in my room too much, being anti-social. I was told I was not opening up and not letting him the chance to communicate with me. I was told to make an effort to warm up to this old man… for her sake. Yes, I could do that, but only for her sake. She was the one of those very few people who could ask things of me, and get a yes… purely because it was them asking and not someone else, purely because it was for their sake.

And so I tried. Tired as I was, exhausted as I was, I stayed, and made an effort to talk to this old man. I’d rather just go back into the room, lost again in my own thoughts, reading, reflecting, and writing. But I did say I will try.

“There’s some tea I bought when I was overseas, go ahead and try it if you want. No one else drinks it” I try again. That was it; that was the best I could muster. Damn it, I'm offering him my freaking special tea you don't easily find around Malaysia, surely that meant something right? :-S

“Oh.. yes, yes, thank you very much.” came the same reply.

I gave up. This wasn’t going to work just like that. I knew what I needed. I needed time. Time to smoothen the edges, time to take away the awkwardness… but really, just time to come to terms with one another and learn how to be comfortable.

“I’ll be in the room, just let me know if you need anything OK.” I was just about to put an end to my feeble attempt when he came up to me.

He walked up to me and put his hand on my shoulder. The first time I’ve ever had physical contact with him. Physical contact: always an important barrier to break when trying to establish closeness with someone. I always crave the human touch, especially with people who matter to me, especially with people I want to be close to. It was he who made the effort to break it, not me. A point I didn’t fail to note.

He calls me by my name…. (I won’t write it here of course) A persons name: something that is very intimate and personal. I care about what people call me. At work, I’m Mr. XXX. Or just XXX. Friends call me by my personal name. Family, and close friends, naturally start calling me shorter forms of my name after a while. It always feels more personal, more intimate. Subconsciously, everyone loves being called by their name, and I am no exception, especially by people who matter, especially in a tone and manner that is loving. It’s the first time he addresses me by my personal name. First time we met, he called me by my surname. Again, a point I didn’t fail to note.

I turn and look at him. He just made 2 important gestures (touching and calling me by name).... I wasn't quite sure what to expect. What did he want to say? What's he trying to do? It almost felt like I was being.........defensive.

“Thank you…...... thank you....for all that you have done all these years.” he tells me.

“eeeeerr......I haven’t done anything…” I reply, looking into his eyes and shaking my head. Truth be told I was completely taken aback.

“No, you have done a lot. My son told me some of the things you have done for my them. Thank you for taking care of them all these years.”

“………………It’s okay. I haven’t done much really. You should be proud of your children. Your son is a fine young man, with a good head on his shoulders. And your daughter is a very brave, and very loving woman. Despite all that has happened, they both turned out fine.”

He nods his head. Maybe he was as speechless as I was.

I have no idea where the hell that little speech came from. But I didn’t know what else to say. This was the last thing I’d expect him to say directly TO ME.

A meek smile and a pat on the back later, I quickly scurry off and was safe and secure, back in my own room.

Pheeeww..... Damn.. that was awkward. One of them male intimate moments again?

“What just happened?” I asked myself. Did he just thank me? Why is he thanking me? Did I say the right thing? Shit, it might have sounded so patronizing. I was too caught off guard to give a decent response. What the hell was I SUPPOSED to say anyway?

I don’t know what he thinks I have done for his children. I don’t know what sort of savior he thinks I am. I certainly don’t feel like one. And I certainly can’t recall any valiant deeds I have done for her OR her brother. Was it his guilt conscience more than my actual contributions? Do I deserve thanks from this man? He was the older one, and I the younger one. The man's almost triple my age, shouldn't I be the one making first contact, building bridges and being humble? .

I dunno. I need to think about it.

But I knew one thing about myself. I brushed the thanks off in such a nonchalant way, as if it was some small petty issue. Pfft... typical Asian behaviour I guess, always rejecting thanks & praise. But deep in my heart, it mattered. It mattered that he came up to me and said thank you. Not that I feel I deserve a pat in the back, or that this guy owes me big time. But the fact that he appreciated whatever it is he thinks I have done for his family, and bothered to make the effort to say thank you. You have no idea how powerful a simple gesture of love and thanks can be. A simple pat on the shoulder, a loving hug, a gently whispered thank you, it makes you feel appreciated. It makes you feel useful to someone other than your self, like your existence does matter to other people. Not to an organization, not to an establishment, but to a genuine person, who now acknowledges that you made an important difference in their life.

I felt good. It felt good to be thanked, especially when that thanks was not sought after nor even expected. I can count with one hand the number of times I have been sincerely thank like this. The last time was in an email I received, which pretty much made my week. Don't ask me what I did back then, because frankly, I have no idea. But it remains one of the single most cherished emails I have ever received.

This was a lot more awkward, and less sweet to the taste buds, but no less overwhelming. The next time I was on the phone with her, I told the story to her.

"Your dad... he..... he thanked me.." I stuttered.

"REALLY? What did he say?"

I know it got her attention. She had not expected this either. They were proud people. It was in their blood. sharp minds, strong character and deep sense of pride. She was her fathers daughter, and in many ways, I think she understood more than I did how hard it is for them to come humbly before another person... what more a person a third your age.

"Nothing much la.... just something about taking care of you & your brother all these years. Says your brother talked to him. I duno what he's been telling your dad... but he's under the impression that I did some super thingy." I said with a weak laugh. Again, I keep trying to downplay the whole episode.

You know how sometimes you can hear a smile through the phone? No eyes needed? Well, I think she was smiling.

"I think he appreciates what you did. I also told him some the things that we've been through all these years he's been missing." she replies.

"Gosh............ emmmm. Alright. Well, I'll tell you more later okies. Bye."

"A'rite, bye."

Sincere and genuine thanks are so hard to come by these days... I'm always on cloud nine when I receive them. Say your thank you's people. And mean it. Not the 'oh, by the way, thanks ar...' kinda thing... but a deliberate, intentional, purposeful one. The more specific the better. It's a little effort on your part, but it goes a long way. Take it from someone who knows how it feels like on the receiving end. We (or rather I) will never admit it, but it makes every hardship, every challenge, and every other pieces of sh*t life throws at you not necessarily easier to deal with but definitely more worth while to endure.

Why do we struggle through life, trying to make ends meet, trying to make things right, if not for the love of the people we care for? And what greater reward is there in life than knowing that the things you do out of this love, have not gone unnoticed, but fully acknowledged by the persons involved?

Do you believe in Karma? I was told by someone once that whenever the universe presents something to you, never forget to say Love and Thanks. When you forget to give back love and thanks, you have taken something away from the universe and not given back in return.... and things DO have a way of coming full circle. I don't know if things always come full circle in life. Bad things have happened to good men, and good things to bad men. But I do believe in the power of being loving (to everyone we encounter in life), and giving thanks for all the big or small, significant or tiny things that we received in our life.

Gosh.... I think I need to start making a thank you list. God knows, I owe a lot of thanks to so many who have helped me in my life.