Male Intimate Moments...

You may or may not already know this about me... but I'm not much of a big fan of the whole idea of 'male intimate moments'.... (No I'm not talking about 2 grown men kissing here).

I mean that intimate moment when 2 people sort of like reveal some truths about themselves, often something very close to their heart pertaining to the person they are speaking to. For example, if you told someone "I've always thought of you" or "I miss those times we had together" or "Sometimes I wish those good times could last longer"... you know, that sort of talk la......

I don't really have a problem with telling or listening to someone say this things. In fact, I relish the opportunity to tell people and listen to what people (especially close friends) have to say and share. But when it comes from another full grown man, one that I've not met or spoken to for the past 4 (FOUR) years...... it sort of sends shivers down my spine a bit.

I received a call out of the blue just 2 days ago. It was a college friend of mine, who left after our diploma and started working. To tell you honestly, this guy was never really popular nor had many friends in his time in colleague. He couldn't speak well, was very very naive, didn't bother mixing or talking to people much and basically the total embodiment of the anti-social butterfly. my friends used to make fun of him for his very slow and stuttering style of talking and his less than normal squarish face. I can't remember just how I ended up becoming his friend. But I do remember feeling so so sorry for him and just generally pissed off with my friends for shunning this guy just because he wasn't very socially adept. And so I decided to befriend him. I was nice to him for a change, I had lunch with him, I shared lecture notes with him, and treated him with respect instead of jesting at him, and when exams loomed, I studied with him and shared with him what I knew. And in return, he would always tell me what happened in class when I overslept and skipped class (which was A LOT), and he offered me rides back home on his motorbike (I used to take the bus or walk)....... and told me 10 times that he was on standby if ever there was anything he could do for me.

Honestly, I wasn't really particularly attached to him in any sort of way, though I did consider him a friend. He was a good and decent guy.. maybe a bit weird and naive.. but still, I for his purity of heart and sincerity.. I actually rated his character higher than I did my own bunch of friends; seemingly normal but underneath, perhaps not as truthful in their actions and words. And because of that, I always made sure I treated him nice and as a genuine friend. I guess he sort of appreciated that, because every now and then, he'd say things to me like "Thank you very much... my friend" with this whole other tone in that tells you there's a whole level of emotions underneath those works.... which always made me feel uncomfortable. If not for the fact that I was convinced he was not gay, I would have suspected he was in love with me or something.

Anyway, I was a bit worried for him when leaving college. I just wondered how he would cope in the outside world where people were probably harsher than my friends ever were. People like him were only too easy to be manipulated by others. Slow, naive and trusting of others.... yes I was worried. Also I wondered if he would able to find a girlfriend. He had a heart of GOLD..... but he was neither charming, nor witty, nor funny, nor well spoken, nor extrovert. His unusually squarish face and short(er) height also meant that physically he wasn't exactly hot stuff either. Which girl would have the heart or the patients to really get to know the guy beneath all these seemingly lame and attractive qualities? Not any I've ever met at the time anyway. Despite what people said about books and covers, I was a realist enough to know that impressions DO count, how you carry yourself DOES count. I felt sad, because I honestly did not think there would be any girl around who could see what I saw in this guy.... probably loyal to a fault, honest to death and kind and caring to those he cared about.

So he left college and started work. And since he insisted on living in the ice age, with no facebook, no friendster and no email. We eventually lost contact. He lost his phone, along with all our contacts, and just like that, he was out of the picture. The rest of us went on to complete our studies, went overseas for our degrees, came back, got jobs.. and continued meeting up once a month or so.

Which brings me back to my original opening statements. I received a call out of the blue...

"Do you know who is this? Can you recognize my voice?"... said the man.

"Eeeeeeeermmmm..................................".... I replied.

There was only one voice in the world like that. The square pants.. I mean.. face... but he never spoke this fluently.... and my mandarin had only gotten worse these 2 years.

"I am XXX XXX... do you still remember me?".... came the reply to my doubt..

"XXXX!!! OMG... HEY, HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?".....

.

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so on and so forth went the conversation for about 15 minutes. I love it when friends CALL instead of send you lazy messages of Facebook and such.

He sounded much more fluent in speaking.. and he no longer stuttered, and was now working in Johor..... My mind got transported back 4 years ago... when I brought him along with me to Klang for Bak Kut Teh middle of the night.. and I showed him around the place and all... NO ONE had bothered bringing him around KL since he came (he was from Johor)...I didn't want his exposure in KL was not limited to just college and hostel... hence the Bak Kut Teh trip.

We agreed that if he came down to KL again, I'd meet up with him to catch up and he made me promised that if I was ever in Johor, I MUST call him. And that was where the mushy stuff started. It was all in Mandarin of course, so I can't really translate it here... but it went along the lines of "I miss those good times last time....." and "I miss you guys..." and "It was happy times..."...

:-S

I'm glad too dude.. and yes it was good times.. but gee.... could you try to keep it together a bit?

It's not like he was being all emo or crying or anything.. It's just that hearing all these things being spoken so frankly and so out of the blue just sort of made me feel uncomfortable.. what more on the phone, what more with a guy I haven't seen or spoken to in 4 years. I guess I wouldn't have mind if it were in the right setting.. like maybe over drinks.. and we were on the subject.. But to say it out of the blue like that was........ :-S

But then again, I remembered he was always a bit funny in that sense. It was one of the reasons why people shunned him.

This was fast shaping out to be one of those 'male intimate moments' a.k.a. MIM. These 'intimate moments' are usually kept at a minimum and strictly on a need basis only between guys. We enjoy each others company.... we like talking stupid things... we watch sports and talk about local politics and the latest gizmo's and gadgets... we aren't talking about our feelings all the time. Those do come... but usually in a slightly more nonchalant manner. Maybe its just me.. or maybe its a guy ego thing, I don't know... But those MIM's come far and wide in between. Too much of that sort of stuff sort of makes us look more like... well.. women (Not that that's a bad thing, no offense ladies!). It's more natural for us to convey how we miss our guy friends by whacking each other in the back and shouting in the most obnoxious manner "HOW THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN MAN, I THOUGHT YOU DIE ALREADY LEH......" and that would be enough to convey the message and completely avoided the ever feared MIM..... We keep it light, with lots of jokes and jesting sprinkled in between... because we want to avoid having to hold each others hand if he starts crying about how his girlfriend left him.

So ya.. maybe I'm more than a bit uncomfortable with men sharing their feelings with each other.. and this friend of mine was doing it big time. Maybe he was usually introverted and didn't share his feelings much.. thus doesn't really know how to share it in a more 'palatable' way (if there ever is one la)...but at least some things still never change...

He still is honest to a fault.... and still has no girlfriend.