Dear God,
I’m sorry. Please help me. I cannot do this myself. Please change my heart. Give me strength to turn away from all these sins I secretly desire. Break me from these chains. Free me from my own prison. I see what it has done to me. I see what it will do to me, if I do not stop.
Give me the will to want what is right. Because right now, I don’t want what is right, or what is pure or what is righteous. I don’t. Instead, all I want is what is fun, what is exciting, what feels good. And I can’t stop wanting these things. Every time I resolve to stop, it comes back again and again bigger and stronger. A war breaks out in my soul, and the part of me is righteous – it’s never allowed to win.
Thank you for today. Thank you for planting in me this conscience. I celebrate a small victory today, in trying to defeat this demon inside me. Though my heart resisted all the way and my hand turned heavy, I know deep down inside that I did the right thing, even if it feels lousy for now. Victory isn’t always followed by euphoria.
But I’m afraid. I don’t know how long this victory will last before sin quietly creeps up to me again and I slip back into the same old me all over again.
I know I have said this prayer before. But I must say it again. Help me dear God… let this dark hidden ugly part of me die once and all…
From
Me
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