When Life Overwhelms

Have you ever felt overwhelmed by life and all its demands? Have you ever felt like all at once there are so many things in life competing for your time and energy and life force?

As I write this, a heavy weight overwhelms my heart. The pressure of having to rise up to the challenges life is throwing at me feels so high. While the better part of my life was spend trying to come to terms with things that happened in the past, I am now at that stage where everything is about the future, everything is about where you’re going to get, instead of where you’re from. It’s a strange world of uncertainly where the only certainly is the certainty of change.

What do I do? How do I split my time? How do I try to live up to high expectations and standards set for me in my corporate life? How do I balance out trying to be a loyal and committed employee while also trying to make a decent living out of building a small business of my own? No matter how I try to divide it, how do I fit in all the things I need to do when all I have is 24 hours in a day? How do I respond to the calling in my heart to be closer to God and the church? How do I balance between being a good provider for a family without having to sacrifice quality time with them? How do I live a life of integrity and purity, when work requires you to do things less than honourable? Where do I turn to for the right advise on matters of investment and money? So many things in life call out to me, demanding my response and action... but so many different people sing different tunes to me.

Some tell me to focus on the life that is to come, to not get trapped in the ways of the world. To lead a pure and holy life, to not be sucked into this rat race life puts us all on. To trust that God will provide and not be preoccupied with money, riches and wealth.

Some tell me to focus on my work in the corporate line. They say I have a good future. They offer me promises of money, position and freedom way beyond what normal working people will ever achieve. Yet it comes with a sacrifice, of your time and energy and everything else. The rewards are great, and yet so are the sacrifices – its all or nothing.

And some… promise me the world, if only I have the patience and endurance. They tell me I can have it all… money, time, freedom. They tell me that I don’t need to live a life like everyone else. There is an alternative… They tell me its an achievable goal. And I believe them. But you can’t abandon one ship before the other hasn’t been built. And to built a living that gives you all that requires luck… and a lot of time… time I seem to be running short of every single day.

It feels like each of my limb is tied to a different horse, and all horses are running in opposite directions. I don’t know how I’m supposed to hold it all together.

And times like this, as I sit alone, distancing myself from the world.. all I feel like doing is giving up. To say “To hell with society and all its expectations”… and live a life of mediocrity… because in that mediocrity… I know I can still be happy and contented. But the faces of the people I love never leave my mind. The thought of family and their need drives me on. I feel like for their sake, I cannot give up. For their sake, I cannot be so selfish. For their sake I must succeed.

Underlying it all is a fear… a fear that if I don’t succeed in life, I would have let everybody down.. including myself.