I LOVE HUGS

I love hugs. There are never enough hugs to go around these days. Maybe outside of this region, and in western societies, hugs and kisses on the cheek are pretty common ways of greeting and saying goodbye to people..... Heck, I think men in Italy probably kiss each other more than any other in the world right?

But here, hugs actually come quite scarce and come far and wide in between. This of course does not include hugs you receive from your family and lover; I'm talking about hugs between friends. There are a few reasons hugs are a rare occurrence here.

1. Malaysia is a dominantly Muslim society

Yes, we live in a multi racial, multi cultured society, but the official religion is still Islam, and the majority is still Muslim. Nothing wrong with that I suppose, only that if you were a Muslim, and you were caught hugging another Muslim girl.... well, congratulations, you've just found yourself a wife. Or at best, you'd receive a fine for indecent behaviour and khalwat. For that reason, you don't see many Malays warmly hugging each other. And so when the majority does not practice hugging, everyone pretty much follows suit. So, no hugs for everyone! Boo...

2. Asians generally are less touchy

Now, if you watch westerners greet each other, kissing and hugging people you meet comes second nature. The men will hug and kiss the other ladies cheek, and the ladies will hug and give a men a peck on the cheek. Here in Malaysia, when we meet each other, it's pretty much a wave of the hand, nod of the head and that's about as touchy as you get. I don't know why we don't hug. I think its about body language and personal space. Go read the book Body Language by Allan Pease, it teaches you EVERYTHING you need to know about body language. For us, your physical touch is the most intimate zone you can allow a person. 1 meter away would be considered personal space, 3~4 meters would be considered social space, and anything beyond is public space. For westerners, this 'zoning' might be smaller, allowing close proximity with others without feeling uncomfortable. To demonstrate this, they did a study on a CCTV video recording of a Japanese man talking to an American. They both are trying to strike a balance, keeping each other in the social zone. The American keeps taking a step forward, and the Japanese keeps taking a step backward. And over the hour conversation, the actually end up circling the whole room. So in that sense, we Asians are a bit more 'no touchy touchy'. at least not with unfamiliar people.

3. Asian women are more conservative

The most awkward kind of a guy can possibly receive is the 'body-no-touchy-arms-clinging-loosely-around-the-back' kind of hugs from their female friends. Its damn awkward to receive hugs like that and usually, I'd rather not hug at all if its like that. Reason being that the women are trying their best to have any bodily contact with you as a guy; they don't want you having a feel of their breast it seems....My reaction? WHAT THE HECK? Not every guy is a perv ok... and there are actually some of us capable of embracing a woman without getting all horny and all.... But since when did a hug ever become a sexual thing? A hug is supposed to be warm, and friendly, caring and loving. Its not like when a man hugs another woman he goes "oOo.. I can feel her breast..".... Does the woman go "Shit.. he can feel my breast!"???? I hope not.... But generally, that is the feedback I get. Our female counterparts tend to hug each other more, and less so us men.. Oh well... I guess we could always just hug each other guys.

As a result of No.3, I actually implemented a certain rule "Thou shall not hug until you you are hugged".. That was the rule. Don't try to simply hug your female friends, no matter how close you think you are. God knows what they might think! I mean, there were quite a few times, when saying goodbye, I'd be asking myself the question ten times over. Should I? Should I not? What if I reach out, she she pushes away? What if it become awkward? We can't shake hands, we are friends, not business partners! In the end, I just manage to muster a little wave, a nod and bye bye.. anti climactic.. potong saja la.. Sigh...

But I broke my own rule recently. I was meeting up with a friend I hadn't seen for almost a year... being overseas and all.. and as we were about to say goodbye, I just went straight to the point "CAN I GIVE YOU A HUG?"... I mean, a simple wave of the hand seems a bit too cold and distant.. A shake of the hand seemed too formal. A hug was the only appropriate response!YES, came the instant reply with arms wide open. IT FELT GREAT.... and suddenly I realized "Boy, I'm sure lacking hugs.. I need more!"....

My next 'target' is this other friend that I've been having yam cha sessions with for the past 2 years. We've know each other for about almost 5 years now, and she's like this big sister to me, constantly dishing out advise, and buying me stuff... Have never ever hugged her. WATCH OUT, I'M COMING TO GET YOU! Haha.....

Cheers.

P/S: I also notice that it's easier to hug friends who are just around for a while, and going back overseas. Maybe its because everyone knows that these meetings are rare, and so SOME form of extra affection is in order. I used to have a friend I'd hug every time she was returning to Australia... Now that she's back and I see her a lot more often, I haven't received a single hug!! So, in order to get more hugs, you actually need to move away gentlemen! Got it?