Yes, Forrest Gump made me cry.....

There I sit, alone, the last to leave the office... ready to call an end to my week day, yet for some reason, choosing to sit here, alone by myself, and just pondering.

In the background, I hear the very song you hear now.. It's the theme song from the movie Forrest Gump. It might just find itself permanently here on my blog, but I haven't decided yet.

(I'm pretty sure I've blog about it before in my past life (a.k.a old blog), so Cat, if you're reading and listening to this, sorry you have to hear the same thing twice!)

I always put it on when I blog... especially when I'm alone.. and feel the need to just think about the in's and out's of my life. It evokes a certain emotion in me.. Kind of like the way the movie did when I first watched it when I was what, around 9 to 10 years old? It made me sad, it made me happy, it made me inspired, it made me hope, and it made me believe. I never imagined that a mere movie could evoke such strong feelings in me. Maybe because the theme of the movie was a lot about hardship, unconditional love, and sufferings, family, and in essence the human spirit and life itself. It really really touched me at some level and since then, I think I must have repeated the movie 2 dozen times. I'm not one to readily admit such things (and I'd have to kill you once I tell you)... but quite many years ago, must have been time number 12 or what of watching it, I actually shed a few tears watching it.

I was home alone... and actually feeling pretty beat up and depressed. I stayed at home, I spoke to no one, and I took no calls. I can't remember why, only that it was one of those low points in your life where nothing seems to have a solution. So I just put the movie on and tried distracting myself.... before you knew it, I was totally engrossed. It was like watching it all over again for the first time. Maybe it was because I was feeling all vulnerable again, and when the final scene finally came, when Forrest Gump talks to his dead wife at her grave, and leaves the unread letter from their son, well.... I pretty much wept like a baby la. Even Titanic couldn't even make me cry.... but there I was sobbing away at a movie I've seen so many times.

To think back on it, I don't think I was really crying at the movie at all. I think I was crying because I needed to. I've never been one to let my guard down easily when it came to my emotions. Through all the incredible pain and hardship, I think I've been so good at keeping my emotions in check that I sometimes don't realize the importance of experiencing your emotions. Some people are a constant emotional wreck, unable to control how they feel, I think at the time, I was the total opposite. And truth be told, maybe at some level, I wanted to cry, and needed to cry... I just didn't know how to. I would have gone crazy or turned amok with rage and start loosing it if I had not found an outlet to just weep, mourn and feel sorry for myself for a while. Of course, my ego certainly did not allow me to cry in front of anyone, not even those closest and dearest to me. It would not have been the first time I sat in a corner and cried to myself.. but it was definitely the first time I did it while watching a movie....

So ya, I'll leave it at that for now. I end with a quote from the one and only movie scene that has ever made this grown man cry like a baby. Have a good weekend!

---

Forrest Gump: You died on a Saturday morning. And I had you placed here under our tree. And I had that house of your father's bulldozed to the ground. Momma always said dyin' was a part of life. I sure wish it wasn't. Little Forrest, he's doing just fine. About to start school again soon. I make his breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day. I make sure he combs his hair and brushes his teeth every day. Teaching him how to play ping-pong. He's really good. We fish a lot. And every night, we read a book. He's so smart, Jenny. You'd be so proud of him. I am. He, uh, wrote a letter, and he says I can't read it. I'm not supposed to, so I'll just leave it here for you. Jenny, I don't know if Momma was right or if, if it's Lieutenant Dan. I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floating around accidental-like on a breeze, but I, I think maybe it's both. Maybe both is happening at the same time. I miss you, Jenny. If there's anything you need, I won't be far away.