Of Beggars & Pasar Malam

Every single day as I turn the last corner into my apartment, see this man.

His hair gray as ash, his skin a deep dark chocolate. He walks on a stick. Its a busy street. But somehow, he manages to cross the entire 4 lanes of road every single day and just stand there... by the road, right at the traffic light. Every time a car stops for the red light, he looks their way. He reaches his hand out.

He's a beggar.

Sometimes, people wind down their windows and hand his some cash. He moves closer to take the money quickly.. before the light turns green. Even if it's charity, people aren't ready to wait 2 seconds once the light goes green. Even if it's charity, they do it when it's convenient for them. Even if it's charity, they do it at their own terms. That's the city for you.

I've never given a single cent to this man. Neither does he bother looking my way when I stop at the red light. I take this junction on a daily basis. He probably recognizes my car.. and my face. He knows I'm not one of them giving type. On some days, I do feel sorry for him. I am tempted to reach into my wallet and hand him a ten ringgit note. A poor old man, no job, no income. Can't walk without the help of a stick. He swallows his pride, reaches his hand out... and begs for money... and I feel like no person should ever have to subject themselves to such indignity. Someone help this poor man. Other days, I look at him in disdain. The cynical side of me takes over. With two able hands, and an able body, why are you taking the easy way out begging? Is that walking stick even genuine? If you can stand under the hot sun for hours on end every single day... If you can brave crossing the big main road every single day.. the you can certainly get a job. Why do you leech off the kindness and pity of passers-by?

This beggar. Where does he live, what does he do? Why does he beg? Questions, questions, questions... Most people I know aren't bothered about these questions when it comes to beggars. They walk by, the see a man in need, they feel pity and sympathy, and they give. End of story. They've done their little part in helping others. Never mind if they aren't genuine, never mind if they're part of a syndicate, never mind if they make more money just reaching their hand out begging that an honest labourer slogging it out.

I can count with my fingers the number of times I have given to beggars. Don't get me wrong... I'm not heartless. I feel for them.. I really do. It pains me to see them, especially the ones that get mutilated and dumped at Pasar Malams to beg.......Not this old uncle who is obviously begging on his own accord. Some have their hands or legs cut off, others have they tongue cut out and I've seen some with deformities so bad I don't even dare look at them straight.. in fear of offending them by staring. I can't bear the sight of them.. and I usually look away. Part of me feels so sorry for these people.. can you imagine being kidnapped and mutilated and sent to a foreign country to beg?... Part of me feels angry.. at the people who did it to them... these son of a bi*ch criminals who think nothing of taking away the dignity of others, ruining peoples lives and mutilating them, just so they can fill their pockets with a few extra dollars.

It really amazes me how desensitized we as a society can become in the face of such a sight. Hundreds and hundreds of people frequent these pasar malam's every single night.. They come with their family, they come with their boyfriends... they buy they fish sticks and drinks... hackle and bargain with the traders... and just 5 feet away, sits this deformed and mutilated beggar in the MIDDLE of the street, crawling, bowing their head and begging for money. What do we do? Nothing. We just walk by. The girls will cringe, the men will have stoned faces... but we do nothing. We quicken our pace, and we take an extra step away, as if they were some sort of disease... and sometimes we throw out loose change into their little plastic containers. The right thing to do is to perhaps offer these people some food, or take them to the nearest police station or even community center. But no.. we do none of that. We go on enjoying our little drinks and finger foods and what have you 10 seconds after walking away. Somehow, we can be so emotionally detached in the face of such suffering. What if you were the one sitting there begging? What if it were you and your legs cut off? Wouldn't YOU want someone, anyone, to come save you from your plight? Not just give you loose change, but take you away, and out of this hell hole... this demeaning, miserable and horrible life of begging? WHY DOESN'T ANYBODY HELP? HOW CAN SO MANY CARE SO LITTLE? In many ways, we have failed our fellow man.

If there is one single reasons that keeps me away from Pasar Malam's... this is it. I cannot stand the sight of these beggars. It breaks my heart.... I'm a big softie deep down you see, and 30 minutes after walking away, I still have the image of them lingering in my head. I cannot bring myself to give them any money..... Some will call me cheapskate or kedekut.. or even heartless. But I can't give them because it feels like I'm giving to some criminals who deliberately mutilated these people for this very purpose.. money. And I cannot come to terms with the fact that despite all my so called righteous ramblings about the right thing do to help them, I would end up just doing the same thing; NOTHING. I'd just walk away, like everyone else. I'd be no different from every other person.. at least they gave some money...... Realizing all the above and still do nothing just makes me more a hypocrite that everyone else.

I don't know about you.... but having to confront yourself and deal with these sort of issues of humanity and human suffering just because you want your favourite char koay teow from the pasar malam is a bit heavy for me. The hardest decision I'm ready to make in a pasar malam is on which stalls has the nicest chicken wings, not whether or not I have failed towards my fellow human being.