When the past comes knocking on your door

And there he was again.

Like a ghost from the past, reappearing before your eyes, there he stood. A hint of the strong proud man he formerly was still showing in his stout figure and deep gazing eyes. But he is broken; old, battered and broken. He walks with a limp, he no longer has any teeth, and he isn’t as agile he perhaps once was. Still, I see he tries carrying himself with dignity. I can understand that. I can respect that.

But for what he is asking for, he forsakes his dignity, lowers his pride. Almost a year since we last saw this old man… father to the woman I am to marry. He came, with no money, no job, no savings, no home, nothing but a small bag of cloths ad possessions. Calling through the window.. knocking on the door... calling out the names of his children. It was no different this time. He needs a place to stay, and he knows nowhere else to turn to.

The children are pissed off. Understandable. I would be pissed off too if my father disappeared for a year and only reappeared suddenly and abruptly, asking for a place to stay. The same man that allowed his 12 year old daughter to be beaten and abused by his mistress and did nothing, the same man who abandoned his 8 year old son in the middle of downtown KL, at the mercy of strangers and God knows what else. The same man who was now asking for food and shelter.

The four of us just sit there in the living room. Despite the anger, I know they are at a lost. They don’t know how to react, or what to do. There is pity in their eyes. And despite all that he has done, despite him totally being totally undeserving, he is still their father. I know in their good conscience they will not forsake their father, even if he did it to them. Blood is thicker than water. They both look at me, trying to gauge my position, trying to see what I have to say, or if I will allow this.

“How dear? Can we let him stay?” she asks me.

I am somewhat perplexed. I had not expected to suddenly have a say, what more the FINAL say in the matter. But the two of them look to me, as if waiting for my agreement. This was my future father in law we’re talking about here. What was I to do, say no? I mustered a small OK… and that was that, he was staying. How long, I have no idea… But I told her, let’s just take it one day at a time. Feed him, cloth him, and let him get some rest first. We’ll figure out the rest as the days go.

I used to be the type, constantly worrying, constantly fretting when a solution is not in sight. Perhaps I’ve mellowed down a bit, or maybe I’ve learnt my lessons through past experiences.. or could it be that at some level, I trust God will present us a solution when it is time. Maybe it’s all three. But my world no longer feels like its crashing in anymore every time a problem comes along and I don’t immediately have a solution.

He is unsure how to behave around me. His hesitating manner when talking to me tells me that. He’s uneasy giving eye contact to me. Rather, he glances sideways at me. He’s probably uncomfortable with my presence; this foreign and unfamiliar man that now seems to have a say in the decisions his children make pertaining to him. Who is this young man? Why do my daughter and son ask HIS opinion? I’M the father, I’M the head of the house. Why is HE in charge? Why does HE have a say? I wonder if he was thinking these things.

But he’s not the only unsure one.

I’ve met this man no less than 3~4 times in the almost 8 years of being in this relationship. I’ve solidified my position in their family, her mother, her aunts, her cousins, her uncles… everyone that mattered.. everyone except him, the father. The person I rightfully should have won approval from FIRST. But he had absconded from his duties and responsibilities as father long ago, before I ever came into the picture. And with that, he also forfeited his rights and privileges as a father. I won the hand of his daughter, without ever asking his approval because he was never there. And now here he was again. What do I even do? Do I start over and ask him for his blessings to our relationship?

I put on my shoes and rush off to work. I'm already late. There was a lot to think about. So this was the latest little episode of my life. I now had another parent to figure out what to do with. I was starting to wonder about how everything seemed a bit too smooth sailing these couple of months. It was just a matter of time before SOMETHING happened. It's the story of my life..... something always happens. How long will he stay? Does he have a place to go? Do we give him a deadline before leaving? Should we ask him to live with us from now on? Or do we find him another place to stay?

Questions... questions... questions...

No answers.