Friends

Over time, I've come to realize more and more that genuine friendships require time, effort, patience, commitment, and also lots of love.

Like most people, I have known this truth for a long time now. But there is a very big difference between knowing it by head, and experiencing it by heart. I've always had this theory that friends come and go. And that duration last usually around 5 years. These people become your friends more out of circumstances rather than anything else. You work together, you study together, you attend the same church, or you live nearby. There is always some common platform in which your relationships is built upon, and most of the time, once that platform is removed, so the relationship eventually comes to an end.

It is only recently that I have truly experience in my own life, friendships that transcend such limitations of circumstance, time and geography. Friendships that somehow have stood throughout the years and are itself the platform on which all other things are build upon. In short, in used to be that you were put together, thus you became friends, but now it is because you are friends that you come together. Make any sense to you?

In all of these friendships that have stood out among the rest, there have been very distinct hallmarks that distinguish it from the rest. Both parties usually are genuinely concern with the welfare of each other and consistently express their care and concern. Both parties usually make a visible effort to be involved or at least be aware of each other’s life and situations. And lastly, both parties usually have this genuine and urgent desire to rekindle and reaffirm the relationship whenever periods of estrangement or emotional distance (inevitably) creep in. In a nutshell, they mean it when they say “Hey, how have you been doing? Do you want to meet up sometime? It’s been a while since we last talk. We should catch up.” Unfortunately, not everyone who says these lines truly mean it. A lot of people say it because it’s the courteous thing to do. They don’t know what else to say, so they just churn out these generic questions, to which you usually give generic answers. “I’m fine. Yeah, we should.” - without actually making any solid plans to meet up.

You will know if it’s superficial because it usually tumbles right over the minute some obstacles come in the way. They find driving 30 minutes across town isn’t the effort just to have lunch with you. They turn you down without making any alternate plans when meeting up clashes with America Idol / World Cup match / regular dinner time / the kind of place they like to eat / whose coming along / etc etc etc. Ever had a ‘friend’ like that?

There must be mutual commitment to the friendship itself on both sides. There must be a certain kind of spirit that “This person is important to me. I must make the effort.” Only then does a proper and lasting friendship form. Only then do you know that this is a genuine friend. This sort of friendship isn’t exactly rare. But isn’t as common as we’d like them to be either. You see, friends are important to all of us, perhaps eclipsed only by God and family. We all want friendships that are genuine & meaningful… but more than that, we want friendships… that last.

As so brilliantly said by C.S. Lewis

“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art. It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.”

Cheers to you my friend.