The Meek Inherit the Earth

You know… I seldom dislike people. I think I’m OK with 9 out of 10 people I meet. I like to think of most people as quirky… I tend to take note of little little things about each individual person.. they sort of help me remember them a bit better.. and in a way.. endear myself to them. I mean every single word when I say I try to find something in everyone to like…. Psychologist will probably tell you that I do that because deep down inside, I want to be liked by everyone too. That many of our own actions point towards our own desires and values… but what do they know right?

I found myself loathing… absolutely, completely, utterly loathing someone... who just so happens to be a colleague of mine. We had just had a very very heated meeting with all sorts of blame, accusations and challenges being thrown across the room. For the first time in my life, I actually felt like punching the damn guy. This wasn’t the first time this guy was opening his big mouth talking stupid things, making silly claims, behaving immaturely and childishly. The first time, I had totally maintained my cool, and he came apologizing to me later for his lack of respect and for acting out of line, which I accepted. This time, he started attacking my colleague, then another, then finally me. I won’t go into details, but I’ll just say it took a lot for me not to stoop to his level and get engaged in an all out tit for tat argument. When someone is on the offensive, it’s very hard to not try to act defensively.. or attack back……and boy did I ever want to give him some of his own. In my heart, I was thinking “Don’t mess with me…Just because I’m nice…. don’t think I cannot bite. And you really don’t want me to start biting.”

That evening, as I was driving home, I found myself thinking about all the brilliant come back lines I’d use against this idiot. All the faults, all the screw ups, all the things he ever did wrong.. I’d have them all line up should he ever open his smartass mouth again before thinking. I will destroy him….. I smiled to myself…. Not the happy kind.. the evil kind.. that sort of says “Hmmph… you don’t know who you’ve just crossed swords with buddy boy… I’ll make you pay for your insolence! Death to the infidels!”

I can accept people who are slow. I can even accept people who are dumb. But I CANNOT.. ABSOLUTELY CANNOT tolerant people who are arrogant.. People whom when born had the words ‘stuck-up-pompous-high-nose-arrogant-bastard’ branded on their asses.

Humility is an important value to me. I think that is why I take such outrage when someone shows a total lack of it. I cannot stand it when someone shows to me that they think it’s beneath them to do good honest work, or to get their hands dirty, or to get down on the ground amongst workers. It totally disgust me when someone, knowing they are smart, think that they deserve better, deserve more because they somehow think their intellect makes them superior others.. Then, they try to hide their own selfish desires using their supposed ‘logic’, ‘reasoning’ and whatever crap their self serving pretentious lowly brains are capable of churning out….

Well… SCREW YOU buddy boy… You ain’t all that.

I have NEVER boasted of my achievements. Not once in my life. Not when I get better grades, not when I know more, not when I been through more, not when I earn more…. Not even when I know better than you… Because I know better than to boast. Some people may be smart, but not wise enough to know that.

I schemed, schemed and schemed. I really really poured out all evil thoughts on this idiot on that drive home… as if I was on some sort of warpath. I felt that even if no one else in that meeting understood why I said certain thing and more importanty, NOT said certain things, at least I knew. Truth be told, I was somewhat happy with myself for not stooping to his level. Made me feel like I was the better man.

But the next morning, I felt positively ashamed that I had actually taken a good point and used it as a source of pride and arrogance in myself. Though I had behaved better than him, though I had managed to take the moral high ground… that act turned into a source of arrogance….. the very thing I cannot stand in other people.

It is said that “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth – Matthew 5:5

 I still hated the guy (though I know I’m not supposed to)…I’m working on that OK…but for now, he’s officially in my bad books from now on. But I realized that unwittingly, I HAD retaliated his attacks in kind. His own arrogance had brought out MY own arrogance. I had fought fire with fire. For as hard as he tried to prove to others of his superiority through intellect, I had tried to prove to my own superiority through emotional maturity and wisdom.

I guess I’m not as humble as I thought.



P/S: I wrote this all out in the a blaze.. Now that I read it again, I'm wondering to myself... Does this make any sense? 

:-S