That is often the thing a lot of people say to me when talking about life. At some point or another, we have all found ourselves searching for this thing called happiness. In fact, sometimes we think that being happy is one of the most important goals in life. At least I have.
So how do you be happy anyway? I find that the most common way of pursuing happiness…. is by doing everything we can to avoid suffering, sorrow, pain and any other emotion seen as an obstacle to happiness. In other words, we seek comfort. We seek things that make us feel good. We make this sort of correlation that the more comfort you have, the happier you are. And that's usually where money comes in. Money buys you comfort, money makes you suffer less. Hence, money buys you happiness. Most people I know who make it their life’s pursuit aren’t really greedy little goblins who never seem to have enough. In chasing the dollar, they are chasing what they honestly think is what they need to be happy in life.
You know, I do not doubt the value of money. Money IS one of the basic necessities in life. Money also can buy happiness to a certain extent - that holiday, that freedom, that luxury of choices that improve the quality of your life. Money is useful. It opens doors, gives you options, and solves a lot of your problems. In fact, money is so powerful a solution that when you have plenty of it, it becomes a ‘quick fix’ to almost every possible situation you will ever face in life. It’s not hard to imagine why some people put so much weight on money. But as with all ‘quick fixes’, it doesn’t really solve the root of the problem, especially when it’s interpersonal relations. And since interpersonal problems are often our most difficult problems, splashing more money to solve these problems is something equivalent to sweeping things underneath the carpet. Things become a bit more bearable, but haven’t really gone away.
Be wary of money I say. Because with money, you don't know who your true friends are, with money no one ever gets put to the test. You neither know the strength nor weaknesses of your true self, neither the depths of the friendships around you. More importantly, money does not fix the problems of the heart…… And since true happiness comes FROM the heart, money cannot buy you true happiness.
So again, how do you be happy? What is the road to happiness? Let me put this forth to you – there IS no road to happiness.
Why? Because happiness isn’t a destination you arrive at. Instead, it is the manner in which you arrive at wherever life brings you. It’s not which path you take, but how you travel that path. It’s not something you gain after completing a checklist. It’s a way of life. It’s a decision you make. I read a quote once that said “You need to learn to be happy by nature, because you'll seldom have the chance to be happy by circumstance. ~ Lavetta Sue Wegman”. If you’re going to wait till everything’s OK before you be happy… you’re going to be waiting a long long time.
I know what you’re thinking right now. Nonsense. You can’t just psyche yourself to be happy. You simply can’t be happy when there is genuine cause for sorrow. If you do that just be lying to yourself. Yes, There are times when we will not be happy…. and you’d be right not to. You aren’t supposed to be happy if you just lost someone, someone got hurt, or something bad happened to you. Good things happen, bad things happen; the fact is that you will not be happy all the time in life. In this life, there is a time and place for everything…. As it is written:
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3: 1~8
Contrary to what you may think, happiness isn’t the ultimate goal in life. There is no such thing as being permanently happy throughout your whole life. Times of difficulties.. times of comfort….it’s a cycle of life we all go through. Life isn’t a bed of roses. It tests you. It challenges you. It pushes you, and shoves you to the ground. Not to bring you down…… but to teach you how to get up. Learning how to live is more than just about learning how to be happy.
Those living in denial think it's sweet. Those living in despair think it's bitter. But those living in hope will tell you the truth - life is bittersweet. And the thing we must all learn is to love life in all of its bittersweet nature.
But knowing that there is a time and place for everything and acknowledging that life is bittersweet still does not stop our hearts from yearning for joy. I heard once that the search for happiness is actually a search for soul satisfaction. This intrinsic desire to quench the hunger in our soul exist because we all want to feel the fullness of life; we all want to feel contented; we all want to be happy.
But despite have such a deep yearning for happiness… many of us just scoff when the solution presents itself to us. Why? Because we find it to be too simplistic for our sophisticated minds. We cannot accept that such complicated problem requires such a simple solution.
But here it is….. in just two words.
Be grateful.
In everything give thanks. Not just for the good things in life; the wonderful people you meet; lucky breaks; golden opportunities; good health; material blessings; friends; family, but also for the bad things; obstacles; missed chances; illnesses; mistakes; screw ups; bad people…… Give thanks for everything that you had, have, will have and never will have. Why give thanks? Because whether or not you believe it – everything in life is a gift. Every feeling, every person, every place, every sight, every event, every day….. every moment in your life is a gift. Because life itself is a gift. And just like how our parents thought us when we were kids, you must remember to say ‘Thank You’ when you receive a gift
Who gave us this gift? I think you know. We aren’t here by accident. The gift of life is proof that there is a Maker, to whom we all must face one day. So, when you realize this truth…… there really is every reason to start being grateful.
And here’s the thing.
When you finally learn how to be grateful, you will unwittingly find yourself…….happy.
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