I was in the middle of a dirty and rundown little bar. I didn’t know places like this still existed in Singapore. I sat in silence as I listened to the ridiculous things these people had to say.
“When I was young, I had a Sifu. And he thought me a few things. He said that whatever it is you do outside be it screwing women, having fun or drinking… always return home at night, no matter what. Now that I’m older, come to think of it he was right.”
“And one more thing… never never ever tell your wife the truth….”
We all laughed… but I knew this guy wasn’t exactly joking. He meant it.
And there I was thinking to myself “How the hell did I ever find myself in this position; sitting in a dodgy little bar, sipping beer and listening to the biggest amount of bullshit I had ever heard?”
“Let me tell you… these ‘chickens’ around here.. sometimes you got to be careful….”
“Hey, hey.. I told you.. Don’t talk about all these things around our young virgin here.”
He was referring to me of course. Among the four of us, I was half the age of any one of them. They liked to assume (and joke) that I was a blue eyed virgin and that X-rated topics were not meant for fragile ears like mine. I never attempted to correct any of those statements. I was happy to let them think whatever they wanted of me. I had nothing to prove to these people. The things I have or have not done were best kept to myself.
I tuned out as they continued their shop talk. Men loved telling stories of their exploits in life, especially if it involved women. I called it ‘Talk-Cock-Sing-Song’. I stared at the droplets of water forming around my mug of beer. When you’re working in a predominantly male industry, drinking was one of those things you’d be hard pressed to avoid. I never liked it much, but grew accustomed to it after a while. People lighten up after sharing a few mugs of beer and some dirty jokes. Often times, deals are done and agreements are made over mugs of beer rather than over the discussion board. This was how the ‘wheeling-and-dealing’ was done in the industry.
What industry? The same industry the rest of the world was in – the industry of money. It doesn’t matter what line you’re in; oil and gas, finance, F&B, manufacturing, media; every business has the same goal – profits. And everyone has the same need – money. A friend once said to me
“I don’t have a good impression of engineers. Many of them are corrupted.”
I just smiled and nodded my head. It’s true. There ARE many engineers who have taken money when opportunities arise. But my friend was naïve in thinking that it was just engineers who were doing in. Bankers, accountants, ministers, administrators, caretakers, even pastors; every position of power brings with it the temptation and opportunity to make a quick buck. In fact, the higher you were the more the money and the easier it was to get away with it. I laughed and just shook my head when I read about the General Manager of Sime Darby who was charged with taking a hundred thousand dollars in bribe in order to reveal valuable information. This man was being made a scapegoat. The money he took was still only in 6 digits… nowhere near what the real dealers were making. In the industry, this was called ‘information brokering’. You secretly provided crucial information to help suppliers win an order and when they do, you get a cut of it. It’s easy money. And it’s BIG money. More than what many of us earn in a lifetime.
I looked at the man doing all the man-talk across me.. This was a man that was basically saying that it was OK to fuck around and fool around as much as you wanted to… as long as your returned home to your wife every night. And if you ever get questioned by your wife regarding your outside activities, the truth is never an option. Even among us, I don’t think the others quite agreed to what he said, but it’s not hard to understand why people like him end up having such skewed ideas of what’s right or wrong. They immerse their lives in a world where sexual innocence is laughed at. Nights out in posh Karaoke lounges with expensive booze and willing women are considered ‘entertaining the client’. The word ‘God’ is used only before the words ‘damn it’. Taking money under the table is considered getting a cut of the cake. Sealing the deal always meant that someone somewhere needs to be ‘taken care of’ a.k.a. paid off and the position you take in a contract depended on whose the one filling your pockets.
Compromises have been made everywhere. Standards of morality have mutated into something unrecognizable. I have seen men brag about the expensive prostitutes they engage then answer a call from their wife at home. I have seen money siphoned off by men only too eager to make their first million, even when it meant destroying a project many others were depending on for their livelihood. Then the rest of the men still struggling to make a living look in awe of them; at home they enjoy the comforts of their family and wives. Outside they enjoy the body of young beautiful, buy-able women with no obligations. In work they enjoy their position of power and authority and out of work; they earn money on the side making their fortune by merely trading in lip service. The best part of it all is…….. they often get away with it.
When making your living means surviving and winning in a world that operates like that, it’s not hard to understand why they end up having skewed values. To put it the way they would.. the whole bunch of them… they’re all fucked up.
I raised my cup and gulped down the last drop of beer. I could feel my face flushing.
“Want another one?” someone offered me.
“No, I’ve think I’ve almost had enough.”
But I wasn’t just talking about the beer. One day when I grow fed up of all this, I will drop it and leave it all behind to start a new life – one that’s not governed by the greed and lust of man; one that’s not conquered by money and sex.
The thing is… I’m not sure such a place exists in this world.
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