of Brotherly Love

"When you go back..... drive safely OK." my brother said.

"OK.... Don't worry.. I'll be alright." I assured him.

I felt I knew what was on his mind. He was thinking about his friend.

I had driven 350km back from Singapore to KL. I was starting to feel pretty trapped over there. The week had been one long frustrating struggle of paddling my way through the myriad of rules, regulations, laws, requirements and restrictions that seems to define life in Singapore. It wasn't even planned...... the last straw came when I tried buying a mobile broadband package when they asked me for a proof of mailing address, bank statement, copy of passport, copy of work permit AND a SGD200 deposit. There and then I decided, I'm going home. I'm taking the drive back, I'm going to have dinner with my family and I'm taking my mom to church.

The weekend was over, and it was time for me to head downs south again.

Earlier at dinner, he and I had the best of times recollecting our childhood memories - catching dragon flies in the grass, fishes in the longkang (drain), riding bikes exploring the neighbourhood, playing with our dog, playing kites, running away from dogs ... We were recollecting all these funny stories and retelling them to my mother and my brothers girlfriend. Why me named our dog Baxter, why I never dared walk pass the house with the blue gate... and how my brother ended up being chased down the road by the usually passive Rooster (He was actually taunting it with a stick, to prove how brave he really was... but ended up being pecked in the heel). We moved on to primary school, where we'd pretend we were going out to play badminton when we were in fact, going to play video games. We also developed a fanatical obsession with rearing fish. We upgraded from a tiny square aquarium to a 1 foot to finally a 4 feet one equipment with water pumps, filter, decorations and what have you... Every weekend, my brother and I would spend our time tending to our fish, discussing the best ways to keep the fish health and what sort of worms to feed them. Those were perhaps the times when my brother and I shared the strongest bonds.... at least at that point I mean.

After he went to college, we started to grow apart. He had his life to live, and so did I. We did maintain our brotherhood, and stood united whenever there was a family crisis... but most of the time, we mind our own business. We talked about the friends we each made over the years especially in college. I had always felt that he somehow had the cooler bunch of friends. At one point, I felt like I liked his friends more than I did my own. Funny how things seem to be coming full circle for me recently. Over the past 2 years, my brother and I seemed to have rekindled our sense of closeness and brotherhood. We don't live together anymore, but he calls me and talks to me, sometimes asking for my advice, other times just to bounce of some grand new idea he has in his mind. And in turn, I know that although he doesn't always know what goes on in my mind (no one does anyway).... I can always count on him to be there.. and to support me.. the same way I'd support him. I always thought I wanted a sister... but now I think.. having a brother is just as good too....

"You know my classmate? The one that was the top student. Very brilliant, very smart... really talented and gifted girl..."

"Yeah...What about her?"

"She dies last week..... Car accident in Johor...."

I was shocked. I stopped eating. This was the second of his classmates who have suddenly passed away - both in car accidents. She WAS a brilliant girl... she WAS talented.. graduated top of her class... people said she had such a promising future. Who would have thought she would leave this work so quickly and so abruptly. Who would have thought.........  Dinner was much more solemn after that.


As I dropped them off, my brother gave me that reminder to drive safely.. with an uncomfortable pause in between. I reached out and help him by the shoulder and told him not to worry. He lost 2 friends to the road.... For all the beautiful memories we had together as kids, for all the future memories we will create with together as a family..... I had to make sure he didn't loose a brother too. For once, I drove slowly, and unhurriedly.

You never need to say it dear brother.. .... but I love you too.