Caring for the mentally ill.....

Most mom's pull they children away....

Most men instinctively become a bit more guarded....

Most women take a good five steps away, in quick paces....

"Ah boy, come closer to me. Don't go near that man. He's crazy one." the mom's typically tell.

Ever come across a homeless crazy man on the street? The kind that walks around, sleeps by the road side, dirty, grimy, completely out of touch with the world. Well, these are the usual reactions. People shun them. People hide from them. I see one every now and then, near to where I live.


These people who say and do such things and shun these crazy people; they think they are the ones in danger. They think they are the ones who should be afraid. They think they need some sort of protection from these ‘crazy people’. But the reality…………..is quite the opposite.

What do I do? I bite my lips. I turn away. My heart aches. I try not to think about it.


I woke up this morning feeling this very need to share this, so just bare with me OK.

There is a very negative stigma surrounding people who suffer from mental illness.

When we hear that someone we know is ill and down with fever, flue, heart problems, diabetes, cancer etc, sympathy usually pours in. But more than sympathy, support pours in. People show up, people call, people contribute, people pray…. they all come out in full strength to be there for the one who’s ill and his family. We all identify with it, and we all want to be there for them.

But when you hear that someone is suffering from mental illness, people become jittery. They first pour out sympathy… but it stops there. People don’t know what to do. People don’t know what to say. People don’t know how to help. And in a ironic way, it is the people who suffer physical illnesses who receive greater emotional care and support while those who are mentally ill, and their families are left….. to suffer in silence… even if the fact remains that they need it more.

Why suffer in silence? Because there is somehow also a taboo surrounding mental illness. It’s not something you talk about openly. It’s not something you admit willingly. People who have physical illnesses are treated as if an unavoidable, unfortunate calamity has befallen them. Aide and support pours in like how the world does when there is an earthquake, or tsunami or typhoon. But people who have mental illnesses are again treated differently. Whether or not people are willing to admit it, mental patients are treated more like THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THEM. They are treated like a walking disease instead of a victim. People stay far far away, because the person seems to BE the calamity. I see it in their side glances, I see it in their muted expressions. And as a result, mentally ill people and even their families start to believe that ‘something is wrong with them’.  A sense of guilt, and SHAME follows them for as long as the disease is there. And I tell you, some mental diseases can last a LIFETIME.

For the mentally ill people, they feel embarrassed that they themselves are not ‘normal’ like other people. They make up excuses on why they aren’t around on days they have to go for their monthly injection and follow up. They are constantly terrified if people notice the severe side effects of their medication. And they sometimes become so convinced that people treat them with less respect, and less dignity, because they know these people are mentally ill.

And the families, especially if they are children..… seldom talk about it to outside people. In fact, they try avoiding talking about their families all together. While other people have moms who cook, clean and fetch the kids, or dads the work, earn and bring them to amusement parks, their mothers are either lock up in the mental ward, violent, behaving abnormally or missing for 2 years. And as a kid, you don’t know how to explain it. You don’t know that mental illness is as much a medical problem as it is a psychological problem, you don’t know that there is nothing to be ashamed about. And as kids, your friends don’t know any better when they blurt out “Oh, mak engkau gila ke?”… and in doing so, degrade your beloved family member down to the level of the crazy homeless man who wonder the streets aimlessly. Do you know how that feels for a child?

And as people grow up…. the issue gets buried even deeper. As a teen, you want to be accepted, you want to be normal. Teens around the world struggle through the phase of defining who they are, and what they are about. They are just learning to be comfortable in their own skin. If that teen has a case of mental illness in his / her family… you can bet, it gets shoved under the carpet. Don’t blame them… because even as adults, mental illness problems are difficult to deal with, what more for those who’ve had to grow up with it. It's hard enough for most people to grow up even in a normal family (but then again, is there even such a thing as a normal family?) without having to deal with a family member who's not fully sane. Sometimes, friends do seem to care…… but are often too shy to ask, or just like any other person, they aren't sure how to approach the issue.

I’m not here to condemn anyone. I’m not here to try to tell you how to behave in future. And I'm certainly not trying to educate you on mental illnesses. I’m just telling you all this, the way it is, the way I have seen it in my life. I know because it happened in my family, we suffered in silence, we unnecessarily carried the shame, we put up with the stares, the insensitive remarks, the sweeping under the carpet, the lack of understanding, the lack of support.

There are more people who face these sort of problems than you realize. The only reason it doesn't seem so is because these families are usually very discreet about it. Society often looks up to high achievers, and champions and shining examples of human excellence. We celebrate and idolize them; the richest, the strongest, the fastest, the most intelligent. And those who are visibly disabled, injured or unfortunate are treated sensitively and with more respect. But there is a group of people, who's problems and disabilities are invisible to the eye, and they are sadly overlooked.... and worse.... deemed an outcast. These are, people who live with mental illnesses.

So, the next time you see a seemingly crazy homeless man or woman wandering the streets. Be kind in what you think, and what you say to the people around you, have a heart. You may think this person is dangerous, dirty and diseased.... but he / she needs more love and more care than all of us combined. And he may just be related..... to someone you know.