It was the camera I was supposed to own..

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I met up with some friends yesterday.

Official purpose of meet : Catch up with friends.

REAL purpose of meet : My friend just wanted to show off his new toy.

You see, boys never really grow up. We stop sticking our fingers up our noses and then into our mouth by the time we're 12 years old, but that's about it. And the thing we NEVER EVER grow out of, is our need for toys. Our toys only get bigger, more sophisticated, and more expensive.

So, you see, despite not having seen each other for a good 3 or 4 months, the real reason we were all huddled up in the coffee house again, was because he wanted to show off his new toy, and well, we wanted to play with his new toy. It's a fair trade you see. You get to gloat over it, and we get to tinker and full around with it.

To go into the details (just so you know, if you aren't into gadgets and camera's and stuff, this is going to get kinda boring).. he had just got himself a RM4000 plus Nikon D90 DSLR because about 3 months ago, he told he needed a better camera to take better pictures. He also said he was really interested in photography and wanted to learn more. Actually, what he REALLY wanted was just to look so damn cool strutting around with a big, sturdy, professional looking camera and having a new toy to play with.

I've seen this before, 4 years ago in college, when he bough his first digital camera. 2 of them bought themselves a camera, and for like 3 months, started taking pictures of EVERY DAMN THING. Us in class, us eating lunch, us walking to school, us buying groceries, us hanging around, us slurping on noodles, us looking at him playing his camera. It was so damn ANNOYING!! And he didn't even know how to take a decent shot. 6 months later, the fad dies down, and he got bored of his toys, and for the next 2 years or so, the camera only came out on occasions, or during birthdays.

The thing is..............

This guy doesn't know a damn thing about cameras or photography. White balance could be a Klu Klux Klan motto and he wouldn't even know the difference. Shutter speed would probably be how fast NASA launches their rockets to space and the word 'bokeh' could be something about a bundle of flowers for all he knew. He bought the camera because people said DSLR's take better pictures, because people said the Nikon D90 is THE camera to have. And after hearing that another one of our friends working in Abu Dhabi already got his a few weeks ago, he just HAD to get his. SO DAMN KIASU.

And so, one of the purpose he ask me out specifically and not someone else, was because he wanted me to teach him a few things about his DSLR.

Can you believe that? He. wants ME. to teach him. about. HIS. DSLR.

I don't. Even. OWN. A. FREAking. DSLR.
(What makes you think I could teach you ANYTHING? And why did u buy it if you don't even know what it does?)


The worst part of it all is........ the Nikon D90... was the camera I WAS WANTING TO GET FOR THE LONGEST TIME SINCE IT CAME OUT. I had devoured every single juicy details I could get my hands on that freaking camera. It was the toy I coveted. It was the toy I wanted so badly. Photography to me isn't so much a serious hobby....... just like him, I just wanted to take nice pictures too. But can I safely say I was certainly more into it than he ever was / is. Subsequently, after admitting I could not afford a D90 anytime soon, I downgraded my expectations, and decided maybe just an old, second hand, but somehow still loved Nikon D40 will do which cost a third the price. AND I could buy myself this AWESOME 35mm f1.8 lens and finally take some KICK ASS pictures of people. That was of course until I had to spend the money on some other thing.... which I will not write about here. But I pretty much shelved the idea of spending any money on another camera for another year.

SIGH.

It's OK.... I already bought myself a camera a year and a half ago, as a reward to myself when I first started work. A Lumix FZ18 which although looked every bit like a baby DSLR, was anything but one. The money was needed somewhere else. And I had to sacrifice. And so I swallowed that bitter pill, and told myself to stop being a baby about it.

I told myself I must learn to love the things I have, and not necessarily have all the things I think I love. 

That plus, if I couldn't even take good pictures with the camera I had, spending more money on a better camera ain't going to change a thing. People take photographs, not cameras. A lesson I wasn't entirely sure my friend understood yet. His RM4000 camera wasn't about to make him a better photographer. The silver lining of it was, if I continued taking crappy photographs with what I have now, I could always just blame it on the camera and (most) normal people wouldn't really know that it was really a lie. But if I carried an expensive camera around and still took crappy pics... I won't be sure where to hide my face. Devilishly, I wished to myself that he'd take the crappiest most horrible and ordinary looking pics for the next 6 months and learn things the hard way.

So there I was, sitting at the table, holding his camera for the very first time, showing him the controls and how you operate it. Actually, it was the first time I was operating it too. Only, I had devoured so much details about the camera and it's capabilities, I felt like I already know it. And that was when the irony stood out most for me.

I was the one who loved this camera and knew all about it. I was the one who coveted it so badly. I was the one who intended to buy it. He didn't even know this camera existed till a few months ago. He didn't even know what half the buttons around the camera did. But he was the one who bought it. He was the one who owned it. But I was the one teaching his about it!!

"Dude, with what you have here, you BETTER start taking some mind blowing photographs." I said to him.

He just smiles at me and enthusiastically declares  "I will diligently learn to!"  But really, he was just gloating about his new toy. Maybe he could see how much I loved his camera.  I think he hear me say "what you have here" part.. and completely filtered out the "mind blowing photographs" part. This was as looking like a gloating device first, camera second. I swear I could have smashed my face into a wall.

After we split, I went home, took my own little camera out, wiped off the dust and took a snap shot of myself in the mirror. I checked the camera count. Almost 9000 over pictures taken over the course of it's life thus far. It's been with me everywhere from the zoo, to the muzeum, the park, the makan shop, the pasar malam, Pangkor, Kedah, Johor, Kuching, Bintulu, Singapore, Brussels, Germany, Amsterdam, Shanghai..... just about everywhere I have ever went this past 2 years, and it has served me well (enough). I felt guilty for suddenly coveting someone else's camera's pulak.

Damn it........

I'm even starting to develop a guilt conscience even over my camera? :-S

Do I really have to be a tortured soul all the time? It's a freaking camera la.