Loneliness...

 You see a funny clip. It's hilarious. You burst out laughing. The joke really cracks you up. You turn you side, and realize there's no one to tell. You just had a fight. It hurts. Tears roll down your cheeks, Your heart feels like it's been stabbed with a thousand needles. You turn to your side, and you realize, there's no one to listen.

Friends will keep you sane, Love could fill your heart, A lover can warm your bed, But lonely is the soul without a mate.

David Pratt

Loneliness.... We've all been there at some point in our life I guess. If you've never been lonely in your life, good for you. You've save yourself some pretty gut wrenching emotions. But it also means... something is wrong with you. Seriously, go see a doctor, and get your heart checked (if it's even there). If you haven't experienced loneliness, it either means you're so completely self sufficient you are incapable of emotions, thus deeming you dysfunctional, or you are actually a cyborg from the future trying kill the one man that is the only hope of survival for all mankind (Terminator anyone?).....

Loneliness.... It makes you feel hollow. You go through the motions of life; brush you teeth, eat you food, do your chores, get your work done, pick your nose, you cry at movies, you laugh at jokes, you get pissed off at noisy hawkers who live downstairs of you and can't seem to shut up 7a.m in the morning when you're trying to sleep. But something is missing inside. Something that you just know, if was there, would make brushing your teeth, eating your food, picking your nose and feeling pissed off 7a.m in the morning that bit more meaningful.....as silly as that sounds. And that something is called companionship. When you feel companionship in your life, nothing feels too big, too small or too trivial a matter to share, and sharing makes us feel... ALIVE. That's why people who are lonely walk around like they were part zombie... they're not dead.. but they don't feel quite alive.


Loneliness.... Makes you feel detached from the world. You could talk to hundreds of people, you could be surrounded by them all day.... and still feel completely alone. Yes, you aren't sulking, or crying, or wrapping yourself in the corner crying your heart out. Your heart doesn't sit in your chest feeling like a sea in turbulent storms. Nothing like that at all. What DOES it  feel like then? I'll tell you...it feels like a lone, deserted and barren wasteland. A eerie and quiet silence envelopes it... and that's the only thing you really hear. Silence. And maybe your voice when it says "I'm alone." But you don't say it, because there's no one there to listen anyway.

Loneliness.... Makes you yearn. Nobody wants to be lonely. Given a choice, no one would choose to feel lonely. They'd choose to be ALONE yes, but never to be lonely. It's much like happiness. What if someone came up to you and say "I don't want to be happy. I want to be miserable and sad." What would be the right answer to something like that? Simple..."Go ahead, be miserable and sad then. If it makes you happy!" It's a universal desire. Similarly, no one WANTS to be lonely. And so you yearn for this feelings of loneliness to go away. How do you get rid of loneliness? By finding companionship. You look for someone to talk to. You look for someone to listen to. You look for someone to just sit there by your side. You look for connection. You look for company. But the real underlying thing is, you look for something that spurs your heart, and make you feel a bit more alive.

Loneliness.... makes you vulnerable. Very vulnerable. You feel like you have nothing to depend on. You feel like if something happened, there was no one to turn to. You feel like you're one leg short. It makes you feel needy. And when you feel needy... you feel vulnerable. And when you feel vulnerable, you feel... scared. Which is bad, because how many people want to be around a needy, vulnerable and frightened person? But in your loneliness, you are constantly trying to reach out to people, more so than you normally would. You reach out for connection and a sense of belonging. You want to feel like you belong again. You don't want to feel like an island. But you are fearful because it seems like it's only you who wants this connection. It's only you who's so eager to establish that link. You want to feel a sense of belonging with them, but it stops there. They want no sense of belonging with you.

I'm sorry... I think I've been misleading you. Because in all of the above... as I talked and talked about how loneliness makes 'you' feel, what it does to 'you'... I was really talking about 'me'.

Good night dear world....