Chinese ----> Filial Piety -----> Love

There have been 2 words on my mind of late..

FILIAL PIETY.

It's not a very common value or word that's used this days... but somehow still remains a very strong value that many of us still uphold, consciously or otherwise.

I speak as person of Chinese decent... where the values of Filial Piety was first advocated by Confucius to Chinese society thousands of years ago. It became one of the cornerstones and building blocks of Chinese society, on how to think, how to act, how to carry yourself, especially when it comes to your parents. No one thought my generation filial piety. No one purposefully thought my fathers generation filial piety. But in the past few days... I have come to realize it remains very much present in our value system.

I was at my uncle's house last week visiting my grandmother. She had suffered from a stroke almost 6 months ago... and has been completely bed ridden since. She can no longer open her eyes, eat, talk, walk or communicate with the people around her beyond grunting and murmuring. Her children cleared out a room in their house, pooled money and hired a maid to take care of her.

My aunt living in the US immediately quit her job and came back... just to take care of her in her vegetative state. I was so moved, and filled with so much respect for her. To temporarily put her entire life on hold, leave her husbands side, and take care of her mother, who most like will never be able to thank her for her sacrifice, if she was even aware of what her daughter did.

A few of my own friends studied overseas... and feel in love with life there. They could have lived there, found jobs there and build their life there. But they chose to come home, either to take care of their parents, to keep them company, or to obey their wishes. "No choice" they said to me. But they HAD a choice.... and they chose to put their parents before themselves. I know... because I made the same decision 2 years ago.

Another friend of mine told me about how her entire family moved out of their apartment into a terrace house, purely because the grandparents were too old to be able to climb the stairs. The entire family moved, just so the grandparents would continue staying in the same house. I was told this was practically unheard of in western societies.

Someone else I know gave up his lifelong dream and passion of being a full time composer and musician to focus on their family business... because the parents were relying on him as the eldest son to take over the business their parents were so painstakingly building for their children. And mind you, this wasn't some multi-million dollar company with a nice big mahogany desk and a secretary waiting for him. It was long, hard round the clock work in dusty factories... which promised to completely wipe out any sort of social life he previously had.

My friend resisted and rejected all invitations to go out at night because she felt she needed to be home. I found out later that it was because the father was away on a long business trip, and she didn't want her mother to feel lonely. This was the same friend who would usually be a party freak.. partying till late nights every other weekend.

In my own life, I constantly feel pressured to 'do the right thing' when it came to my mother. Despite some opposition from hospital advisers and some friends, my brother and I decided that we will move her out of the nursing home, into our own care despite the obvious risk...... There was plenty of pressure from well meaning people... but deep down, I think my brother and I felt like this was the right and respectful way to be treating and respecting her as our mother. I told my fiancee once that if I do not treat my own mother right now, how will I ever be able to tell my own children to treat their mother right in future?

The interesting thing is, I'm pretty sure the words filial piety doesn't appear in their minds as they commit this acts of love. But in the bigger picture, what ELSE do you call it if not filial piety then? The more I thought about it, the more amazed I was at how deeply this seems to take root amongst us. In case you were wondering, yes all the families and people above were Chinese decent.

As the world becomes a smaller and smaller place, it's inevitable that we all start to adopt different values from other cultures. We have now come to appreciate values like freedom of speech, individual freedom, and personal achievement. They are no longer alien to us, because they are constantly vocalized. But what about filial piety? Will it continue to survive this new age as it has for thousands of years? Or will it slowly but surely die a painful death? The problem with instilling values in this; the only way it can be done effectively, is by example. It can't just be thought like a subject. You actually have to BE it and LIVE it before it makes an impact on others. People will do as you do, not as you say. Things like freedom of speech, individualism etc are easy to advocate... because it often involves a clear and almost immediate benefit to one's self. Any fool would advocate something with all their heart if it benefited them. But filial piety almost always offers absolutely no tangible benefit to self. You don't gain anything at all. In fact, it inevitably involves you giving up or sacrificing something for the benefit of your parents.

Funny, because as I write this, those last few line seemed terribly familiar to other stuff I've written int he past. It seems more and more to me like filial piety ultimately points to an even bigger picture...... LOVE.

Man, I really gotta start writing about other things......

Cheers! :-)