I find it extremely uncomfortable trying to relate to some old friends these days. These are usually people that were either your school mate in high school or friends in university all those years ago. Bumping into them after what seems like an eternity of not keeping touch, they suddenly start talking like you are the closest of friends riding mainly on the fact that 'the two of you go back a long way'. They expect to be invited to your wedding (which is my main grouse really), be treated warmly, etc etc....
The 'go back a long way' is true perhaps.. when you think about it strictly in sense of length of time. You go back 5, 10, 20 years or something like that. But really, that has nothing to do with the depth of the friendship. I may have known you for 10 years now.. but if those ten years consist of nothing more than pleasantries and a common school / class / subject, I'm afraid it isn't of much value to me. Here's the part that annoys me. Back then it only when so far. Today, you try to act like it has gone even further by virtue of the number of years we have known each others existence! WTF? If anything, it has only gone backwards.
It would be better if that person tried starting from scratching saying something to the effect that "Hey, we should be reacquainted... " or something of that like... THAT would be infinitely more sincere.. instead of putting up this charade of closeness.
I'm think I'm some sort of sincerity freak. I'm constantly trying to read signs of sincerity in the people I talk to. I appreciate it more when people are honest with me (even if it make means it hurts or results in uncomfortable moments) because at least I know in their heart, they mean what they say... and that they deem me deserving enough to at least know the truth. You have no idea how much I value that. This is also the reason I try to be as honest as I can with the people that mean something to me. I want people to know I'm sincere in my relations to them too....I just hope people realize that.
But as rule of thumb, the people who have known me longer do tend to be closer to me though not in all cases. Friendships do not survive on it's own. If it's alive, it is because both parties kept is so. Sometimes, new friends immediately available to you may seem like the closer ones.. but that may have to do more with your current lifestyle / living arrangements / circumstances than anything else. The ones you know are meant to last are the ones that transcend all those things.
I try not to make it sound like such a chore, but genuine friendships like any relationship require effort. If you aren't in a romantic relationship yet but wants some batting practice, start with your friends. (No, I don't mean start hitting on your friends!).... Learn how to be a genuine friend to someone. Not everyone.. just one or two people who mean something to you. Once you learn how to nurture and cultivate deep, meaningful and lasting friendships, doing the same in a relationship will come second nature. Because in essences, that's what a relationship is...... friendship with a healthy dose of romance. The romance part often takes care of itself pretty easily.. walks in the park, buying presents, candle lit dinners etc.. But the friendship part is sometimes forgotten.. the listening, the trading of mundane stories, doing of small favours, arguing about current events, shopping for groceries. sipping coffee..... Maybe people don't realize that there are multiple dimensions to the same relationship. And in the long haul, I believe it is the friendship part that sees you through it all, rather than the romantic parts.
Anyway..I think I'm living in my own world when I talk like this. Who the heck sits down, thinks and talks about 'sincerity; 'emotional proximity' and development of friendships over time anyway?
Apparently, I do.
No comments:
Post a Comment