Blah.. Blah.. Blah...

I'm exhausted. Mentally. Emotionally.

Work is at its peak. Staying back is becoming a norm. Working on weekends is expected. I'm steadily leading towards a collision with someone from work. Arguments have been abound. Deadlines have been short. Clients have been extra shitty. I've been losing my temper. I've been growing fat. I've not been able to exercise regularly. Sex drive is at an all time low, and so is the sex. Expenses have been climbing. Income has been stagnant. Money hasn't been enough. Pressure has been mounting. Wedding is approaching. Honey moon has not been planned. Holidays have been canceled due to work. Laptop has been giving problems. Brother in law needs money from me. Father in law does things behind my back. Fiancee is needy and calls 3 times a day. Haven't spoken to own father for a month now since he's with his new girlfriend. Worried about brother whose now grossly obese but refuses to diet. Mother-in-law suspiciously made a huge withdrawal from the bank. Loaned fifteen thousand dollars to a friend. Not sure if we'll ever see that money again. Friends have been busy or away. Been struggling to make new friends. Been struggling with church. Been struggling with my faith. Just basically.... been struggling.

Ironically, only my mother has been exceedingly well. In the past, she was the biggest source of my worry and sorry.

I've been trying. Trying not to think so much. Not to dramatize things so much. Not to over think things. Life should be simple. Hearts should be whole. Not every incident that happens in life is supposed to have some sort of profound meaning. Sometimes, shit just happens. And shit pondered over too much just because philosophical crap... which I suspect I'm pretty good at.

I'm sorry. I don't have any words of inspiration for you. I don't have any profound words to say. I'm tired. I don't feel up to laughing and smiling and having a good time. I want to whine and vent.. and break stuff.. and be pissed off. I want to not have to hide my sour face. I don't want to be mature. I don't want to be righteous, or composed or sensible.

I don't want to be told what to do. What the solution is. What should be done. How to resolve things or how I should behave.

I miss being comforted. I miss being gently & lovingly touched. I miss having someone to whine to. Someone to listen as I talk about the annoying stuff about my day without me having to worry if I'm boring them. I miss being told I'm wonderful or awesome or great. I miss not having to be angry because someone else is angry on my behalf. I miss the feeling of being loved.